I Just Want Love
by Ligerlilly
Summary: Light's mom is consumed with jealousy and kills Light's father and herself in front of his eyes when he was seven. He closes him self to the world and will only ever be saved if L breaks through his mental barrier. No death note. Light and L. AU
1. Just So Much Love

**Chapter One**

**Just So Much Love**

"Love, love, love!" She chanted.

Each time she said the word was worse then the last, each word tripping with poison and malice, each word accompanied with the stab of a knife. Blood gushed from the stab wounds. A coppery, sickening stench filled the air of the house. The pool of blood grew bigger and bigger. It is amazing how much blood the human body contained. It was also amazing how much thicker and gooey it was, yet how easily it flowed. I felt sick o my core but all I could do is stand there and stare. Blood splatter rained on my face and clothes. My socks were drenched in red. The warmth still in the blood sent shivers down my spine.

The sound should have been enough to make me pass out. The swing of the knife in the air, the squelch as the knife entered the body, and the sound of blood splattering on the floor.

Run. I wanted to run. But my feet would not move. I couldn't speak. My muscles did little more then flinch with every movement of the knife. I was a prisoner in my body. I was a prisoner in my mind. I could do nothing but watch with undivided attention.

Finally she stopped, taking ragged breaths and adjusting her grip on the knife. She stared at her gruesome work without a hint of sanity or guilt in her eyes. Not pleased with what she saw she gave her victim a finishing slash across the chest. She straightened up and stared at her hand. The knife still dripped with blood, the body still oozing it.

"I just wanted you to love me." I was not sure who she was saying that to, me or to him. She turned to me and looked at me with cold dark eyes; the angry frenzy that had been in her moments ago seemed to be returning fast. She dropped the knife carelessly to the ground and bent down and picked something off the body of her victim.

It was a gun. Its barrel was still shiny, and it's fear inducing power down diminished by it's miniscule size. She turned to me again and lifted the gun to point at me. My heart beat so hard I could have sworn she had heard it and was using the source of the sound as a target. I quickly glanced at the still and bloody corpse of my father lying on the floor.

"It's your fault." She said. They were the last words I'd ever hear from my mom, before she shot her self in the head.

That was the day both my parents died.

I was born to Soichiro and Sachiko Yagami. At the time I was beloved by both my parents. My mother was glad to have someone to fuss over and keep her company while my dad was at work. My dad loved that I was there to carry on his legacy.

It was when I was two when my intelligence started showing its self. I had amazing drawing skills and learned words quicker then anyone had seen a toddler do before. My father was so proud of me and took every opportunity to encourage and enrich my mind. He read me books and I read him others back. He taught me Japanese history and traditions and told me about his job.

His strong sense of justice left a great impression on me, inspiring me to have my own. He was so honest and devoted to his work, making me want to do nothing but become a police officer like him.

Young me (ages 3-7) wanted to do nothing but please my dad. He was the world to me. I drew pictures of him and me on paper and once or twice drew fake glasses and mustache on my face, which amused my father greatly.

When I started school I worked hard to excel at everything I did, which was easy for I always seemed to be at least a step ahead of my fellow class mates. When I finished school work early my teacher would let me read books, which I used to make me learn even more. My progress gained me praises from my teachers and fellow students, but my dad's praise was all that mattered.

He brought me often to the police station to show me his workplace and show me off to his coworkers. They all loved me, too. They called me the deputy chief and gave me many tasks to complete. These tasks ranged from shredding old paper documents to fetching coffee. I so wanted to follow in my father foots steps and become a detective and solve crimes.

Despite my love to learn, the best days were the ones Soichiro had a day off of work and took me to the playground. Those days I acted like a true child. I ran around like a ball of energy, collected leaves to give to my dad, and climbed the jungle gym and pretended to be a god who was invisible to anyone.

I guess neither me and my dad noticed the way my mom's eyes tightened when Soichiro would come home and greet me first, or the way her smile faltered when dad praised me at dinner, and not her cooking, or the way she weakly wished them a good time at work when my father brought me to work yet again, having only brought her three times in total since she met him.

We also failed to notice how she would get angry when dad chose to spend yet another day off with me at the playground instead of taking her out on a date and leaving me home instead. Those days she would prepare a huge meal that must have taken hours to prepare, most of them spent cutting vegetables with her kitchen knife in silence for hours.

At home I was too busy reading my books and playing with puzzles and my toys to notice how my mother would rarely speak to me or showed me affection. I got all my loving attention from my dad, so I never seeked it from my mom.

I guess one day she snapped. She had spent too long watching he husband drift away from her and dote on another, too long watching her only child depend on another and not need her for comfort and care like a normal young child.

I was seven at the time. It was a weekend so I was home from school, reading a book on the couch about the solar system. My mom had been acting somewhat odd. She watched none of her usual daytime dramas and spent all day in the kitchen prepping vegetables.

The chopping sound became a part of the background noise in the house, so when it stopped I looked up from my book to see my mom standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen. Her knife was still in her hand, her apron still on.

"Light," her voice called out, weak at first then gained a little strength. "Do you want to go out for dinner?"

I put my book on my lap and looked at my mom with confusion. "I thought you were making dinner already?"

My mom stiffened a bit, her lip trembled. "Yes, but I thought it would be fun going out to eat."

"Is dad coming home early?" I asked eagerly. Perhaps she wanted to treat him to a professionally cooked dinner. After all, he saves so many lives each day he deserved to be treated.

She froze up a bit more, her hand twitched. "No, Light, honey, just you and me."

I frowned. "But you prepared a lot of food today. Wouldn't it be a waste?" I questioned her. It's unnecessary to waste all the time she had spent that day on me and her alone. Just yesterday I read a book about the environment and how so many countries wasted food when other countries did have enough to feed all the people in it.

My mom stayed silent, and just looked at me. I thought it was weird but went back to reading my book. I let my self get sucked back into the book. I was floating through space near Neptune when I heard my dad return home. Quickly I put down the book and ran to greet him at the door. He had just taken off his shoes when he looked up and saw me. I jumped into his arms and he laughed.

He put me down and I took his hand leading him into the kitchen, for when he came home it was usually dinner time and he liked to greet mom with a kiss on the cheek. As I led him I recited all my new information on the planets, hoping he'd be happy and give me more praise.

When we arrived at the kitchen I immediately stopped talking. Something was wrong. My mom was sitting in a chair, still holding her kitchen knife, resting her elbows on her knees, her head slumped down.

"Sachiko?" My dad said, his voice worried. She looked up and I instantly moved closer to my dad in fear. Her eyes were different then they had ever been before. They had gone dark and cold, yet burned with an intense fury focused on me. Dad moved me behind his back, his body taking a defensive stance.

"Sachiko? Are you okay?" I could see her at the time but I heard her stand up, the chair screeching as she pushed it back.

"Glad your home, dear," she replied. Her voice had a bitter tone to it. "I'm great, thanks for asking. I'm fucking great." Her language startled me. I took a step back, and my dad one forward. He had his hands out in front of him and he was hunched over cautiously.

"What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong." My dad pleaded. He was battling between police man mode and husband mode. As her knife hand twitched his own hand twitch towards the spot on him I knew held a gun.

"I just want you to love me," my mom stated like it was the simplest thing in the world. She sounded crazy and spiteful. Dad was shocked, but before he could say anything she suddenly lunged forward and stabbed him in the throat. He instantly crumbled to the floor, and the first of his blood spilled out on to the floor. I backed up against a wall, speechless and unsure what to do. My mom didn't even glance my way as she stood over his body. He was still alive, I could see his eyes flashing wildly around and hear him attempt to speak, but it was coming out as a gurgle.

My mom then went down on her knees as the initial shock of her action wore off. She then let herself go completely to the rage inside of her and began screaming at him and stabbing him over and over. She talked bout me and how it was my fault she had to do this. How it was my fault she didn't get the love she needed. The more violent and angry she became, the less and less I felt anything but fear. I just stood there and watched, to afraid to move, or speak. I was frozen. The only things that moved were my rapidly beating heart and my stomach and it's contents swirled around and convulsed.

She ran out of things to say and started to chant the word "love" over and over, delivering a blow each time. She was covered in blood, and so was I from standing close enough to get the splatter when arteries were cut.

When she finished, gave me her cruel final words, then killed herself, covering me in even more blood, I stayed where I was for countless minutes taking in the whole scene. My dad, my life, was dead at my feet. By my mom's hands, her body partially on top of his and her fall when she died caused her to fall forward. I just stared.

Finally I regained control of my body, stumbled out of the kitchen into the living room and vomited. I was shaking so bad and was lost on what to do. Then an idea came to me. The police! I must contact the police. Call them? I only knew my dad's number at the police station and he was dead now. The phone was in the kitchen anyways, and I knew I would never go in there again. The station, I must go to the station.

Slowly I stumbled to the door. Once outside, and shoeless for I had no thoughts left to spare on shoes, I vomited once more on the steps to the house, and then set out to the station.

It was dark out. A cold, crisp night. No one was out on the streets except me. I knew the way to the station, having walked there with my dad many times. At first I walked, my balance taking time to find itself, and then I began to run. It was several blocks away but I ran the whole way there. The city past by me in a blur, and tears were stinging my eyes. The run was long and quick at the same time. I had slipped a few times due to my red, wet socks, but the thought never occurred to me to take them off. All I could think about was getting to the station.

At last I arrived. I ran up to the main doorway and pushed open the glass doors. Someone was at the main desk but they didn't lift their head until I tried to say something.

My voice was lost to me, so all that came out at first was a whimper. The desk person looked up, then down to meet my height. There was a pause until they stood up in a surprised motion and exclaimed in fear. A blood soaked kid was not a common sight in the lobby.

"Help," I said before I burst out into tears and began sobbing. The person shouted for help and quickly circled the desk to catch me as I swayed, my legs giving out to the ordeal.

As I was sobbing people gathered. There was curses as they took in my appearance.

"Are you hurt?" One asked. I shook my head.

"What's your name?"

"Yagami, Light" I said between sobs. More swears followed.

They coaxed a few more things out of me, like where my parents were (at home), what happened (They are dead), and other basic details. But I was too lost in my sorrow at that point to answer anymore. Someone picked me up into their arms and held me. It was Matsuda, the man who was very kind to me and gave me the best tasks when I visited in the past. Things blurred around me again, and somehow I found my self in new clothes and on a couch in the break room.

I cried until I couldn't cry anymore, and then fell asleep out of exhaustion and mental drain.

My world changed forever that day.

I have never been the same.

**Thanks for reading! Please review. Not good at author notes, so bear with me. Ha ha… bear.**


	2. Testing My Love

**Oh, hey again. To clarify some things, this story is a Light and L love story, and will contain swearing and violence later on. No lemons, but there will be steamy kissing and what not. Thanks for all the reviews and reads I have had so far! I'm glad this story is being well received. **

**This is a story that I had to get out, and I will try to keep up the updates. But I do get distracted because I have many other stories floating around in my mind, most of them original stores, and others like parallel worlds to existing fanfictions. I'll stop now because I don't want to go on and on.**

**Any more questions feel free to ask and I'll try to clarify. It seems like my ability to write author notes does exist. Kinda. Happy Holidays!**

Light was sitting on a couch, working on a puzzle on the coffee in silence. The puzzle was a landscape of the Japanese country side, including a small train station, a field of long golden grass, and distant mountains in the background.

I looked over at him from a table on the other side of the room. I and the other men had drinks in their hands, some sake, others scotch. Aizawa was smoking a cigar, a rare sight since he gave up the habit after getting married several years ago. But necessary, the drinks and cigar were.

The Chief was dead. His child orphaned. All by the hands of Sachiko.

Just the thought of it made me so angry. He took another swig of the strong drink, not wincing at all as it went down.

Sachiko had always seemed so nice. So mild mannered. No one had seen this coming. Soichiro had loved her as much as any husband loved his wife. Other then staying late at work, Soichrio was a good husband, never cheating, never even thinking about cheating, he didn't gamble, rarely drank, and had an admirable sense of justice.

Together they had raised what had been a perfect son, smart, good-tempered, and adorable for his age. But now he would forever be hurt by this tragic event. Light had not spoken a word since he woke up the next morning. He only gave a shake or nod of the head in response to what was said to him, if he chose to acknowledge the words at all.

It has been two days since the murder-suicide. When Light had shown up at the station the situation seemed unreal. I remembers the feeling of being submerged in water while have a burst of adrenaline at the same time when I walked into the lobby to find Light covered in blood. The other detectives and I had stayed late working on a case, but Soichiro had gone home on time to eat dinner with his family. Aizawa also left by that time, leaving us bachelors behind.

My first reaction was to run to Light's aid. Mogi called Soichiro's number. As I assessed Light for wounds, Mogi informed us no one picked up. I found Light to be unhurt, but I could not be relieved. The blood had to come from somewhere.

A sense of foreboding that had begun since I saw Light grew in my stomach.

I held Light as he cried. I put him to bed on the couch when he grew exhausted from his sobbing. I sat next to him for awhile, waiting for the crime scene investigation team to report what had happened.

As I sat I wondered what exactly had happened. Light had not given much information to work with, but no one could blame him.

Was it revenge? Perhaps a criminal or the friends or family of a criminal Soichiro had found evidence? Or a home invasion gone wrong? But when the truth came out no one felt satisfied with the result. No one felt settled.

It's hard to accept the unexpected.

Now all that really remained was what to do with Light.

Leaving my thoughts I broke the silence.

"What happens now?" I asked. Everyone shifted in uncomfortably their seats.

"He can't stay," Aizawa stated.

"Why can't he?"

"We all know why." Aizawa leaned back in his seat, and took a swig of his drink. "I'm the only married man here, and I can't take Light in. I have a wife and baby daughter that I barely see and care for. The rest of you are all bachelors, so it would be unorthodox for you to become his guardians."

He paused and switched hands his glass was in. He glanced over at Light then stared at the table, now hunched over, resting on his elbows and forearms.

"And we all known none of us are prepared to deal with a child who has been in such a traumatic event. He has spoken in two days. We have no way to be sure how he will be affected, and no time to devote the time necessary to deal with him when we do find out."

"You just want to send him away?" I exclaimed. I didn't want to let go of Light. He needed us. Damn, why did Aizawa's words have to make sense?

"He's right," said Mogi. "We have no choice."

"… Fine" I finally agreed. I looked to Light once more wondering if he had heard us. If he did he portrayed no sign that he did and kept solving the puzzle.

This was one of the last times I saw him. Time went by quickly after that decision. Child services soon came and took Light away to an orphanage, with plans to place him in a loving, attentive family. We were told to not contact him as he settled in, and later they would give us the okay, and let Light write to us and us to him. But the okay never came and we never heard from Light again.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Watari arrived at the orphanage at ten o'clock sharp, a fact he confirmed for himself with his state-of-the-art wrist watch. He stepped out of his town car and walked towards the old building, a briefcase in his hands.

The air was just starting to get cold, and Watari was thankful for the jacket he was wearing. The wind that blew ruffled his mustache a bit. Watari pressed on in anticipation.

Having the Watari house have the standards it has for admissions, a prospective student didn't come around often. And this student had some of the best testing scores for his age that Wammy had not come across in a long time.

Watari walked inside and notified the staff of his arrival. He was lead to a small room with a table and chairs, which were child sized, therefore low to the ground. He sat down at the table and began preparing when the staff member helping him went to fetch Light Yagami.

Opening his brief case, Watari pulled out several small stacks of paper. They were tests to properly assess Light's intellect. Included in those stacks of papers was Light's file, which Watari wanted to have at hand during this interview and testing session.

Watari didn't have to wait long for Light. About five minutes after first arriving to the room, Watari saw the door open again and a small child standing on the other side. He was Japanese, with short light brown hair and subdued brown eyes. Behind him stood a female staff member who was cajoling him to go into the room.

"Go in, Light. Some one is waiting to see you. They might take you to a new home. And Light, honey, remember to smile. People like people who smile and have good manners." The female staff member then gave Light a little push, making Light enter the room. Light looked back at her in slight annoyance, but then settle into a cautious blank expression as he approached the stranger waiting for him at the table.

"Over here." Watari gestured to a chair next to him.

Light walked to the chair and sat. The door behind him closed, leaving the pair alone. Light stared at Watari, with no hint of a smile on his face, just cool calculation and observation.

"Light, I am the owner of a school for orphaned children like you; children who are smart and clever. I would like to test you and see if you can become a student," Watari told Light. Watari went on to explain a little more about the school, but nothing too detailed, but Light didn't seem to care. Watari went on to explain about how he would test Light.

First Light would take a math test, from the most basic level to the third year of middle school. That should be a proper range to assess the seven year old. Then he would take an assortment of science tests, including earth sciences, biology, chemistry, and physics. These were more to get a grasp on exactly how extensive Light's knowledge was. Watari didn't expect him to know it all, for at his level a lot of these subjects had yet to be covered in the Japanese school regimen.

A few other subjects would be covered, including Japanese and English. Depending on how much he passed Light would be admitted to the special school for orphans.

Light understood and expressed he was ready to start testing. Watari handed him the first packet, and told Light he had ninety minutes to complete the math portion of the test. He provided Light with a calculator, scratch paper, and several pencils with erasers.

Light began and worked silently on his test. He was intensely focused on the test. He rarely used the scratch paper and rarely used the calculator as well, doing all but a few problems mentally. He rarely stalled on a question, answering with ease and a steady pace. At the end of the allotted time Watari took away the test and gave Light a little break before issuing the next.

As Light worked on one test Watari graded the previous test. Light's score were almost flawless. His range of knowledge was wide, showing he had either been taught outside of school by someone or by himself. Self-taught geniuses were not unheard of.

But was most outstanding was few of the children who had been tested by Watari had achieved such excellence at his age. This child's style even reminded of a certain raven haired teen back in England.

Things were going well until about three-fourths of the way through the testing. Light was in the middle of a test when Watari got a call on his emergency cell. He had turned off his business and personal cell phones for the interview with Light, but his emergency cell phone was always left on, and rarely used. Feeling its vibrations made Watari instantly tense.

He excused himself to Light and stepped out of the room and into the hall for some privacy. It was Roger, Watari's man in charge of the Orphanage.

"A is dead."

This hit Watari like a tone of bricks. After the shock melted away he was hit by a wave of grief. Watari had cared deeply for A.

"He committed suicide. We need you back here as soon as possible." Roger continued.

"I understand. I will be there as quickly as possible." Watari hung up the phone and immediately dialed the Tokyo airport. He quickly secured a ticket on the next flight to England, which would leave in forty minutes. All that was important now was getting back as soon as possible. The situation would be unclear until he arrived.

Watari re-entered the room where Light was testing. He informed Light he had to leave, promised to be back, collected the papers, than tracked down a staff member, informing them of his department. His town car was outside waiting for him, ready to take off. Within the hour Watari was on the flight home.

The following days, weeks, and months were hectic and busy beyond belief. Watari aged several years in the process. It wasn't until a few months later that Light reappeared on Watari's mind. The realization that he had forgotten about Light made Watari ashamed. When he checked Light's official files he found that Light had already been placed with a foster family. It was too late.

**And that is a wrap for chapter two. Thank you for reading! I enjoyed all your comments and favorites. I promise to update at smaller intervals. The main reason for my long pause was that I was hashing out the plot of the story more clearly, so now I already know everything that is going to happen. You just now have to wait and found out. **


	3. Childhood Love

**Chapter Three**

**Childhood Love**

**Hello again. I hope you like my work so far. I hope you are not too offended by my horrible chapter names. This is going to be a long chapter, so be warned. There won't be too much dialogue, mostly story telling, since there is a lot to cover. When I think of stories I often use music as inspiration. I recently listened to a few songs from Beethoven. What was Beethoven's favorite fruit? The ba-na-na-na!**

… **Get it? … Anyways, on with the story. **

To say Light had a hard childhood is an understatement.

After the man who interviewed and tested him left in the middle of his English test Light never heard from him again. He was in the middle of translating a sentence from English to Japanese when the man moved his paper away.

He can still remember the sentence.

_The boy went to the shop to buy his sister a present._

Light wished he had a sister to do things like that for, but now he was alone and once again stuck in the orphanage with no way to get out. It got boring fast.

There were no good books for him to read. In a month Light had read every book that he could get his hands on. The books were often second hand copies and were a part of an incomplete series, which Light found to be quite frustrating.

Light did not like interacting with the other kids at the orphanage or at his new school. At school he would read a book while eating lunch by alone, and spent recess either reading more books or practicing tennis, the only form of physical activity he found to be entertaining.

At the orphanage, due to Light's new dark personality, no one talked to Light. He had no friends and desired none. He rarely even spoke to the other kids. Adults he spoke a bit more to. If they asked him a question he would provide a short answer

Orphanage life did not suit Light well. He hated never being alone. He shared his room with eleven other boys, all of varying ages and lower intelligence.

Two slow months passed since the man had come and dangled a better possible future in front of his face, making a total of six months spent in the orphanage. In that time Light found his possessions had decreased in number. The initial transition from his old home to the orphanage left him with a limited amount of possessions to begin with.

The oddball coworker of his father had helped him decide what to take and what to put in storage for when he turned eighteen, and his parents savings were put into a bank account, along with the money earned from selling the house, and several months paychecks the NPA gave to the families of fallen officers to help in the hard time.

Of what he had chosen to keep, Light had a only a trunk of clothes, a tennis racket and several balls, his favorite puzzle and books, and his favorite toy, a stuffed panda bear named Sayu, left. His less significant toys and trinkets tended to drift away from him and find their way into the shared toy room or the trunks of other children.

Light was no longer the boy he used to be.

Light was entered into the fostering program. It didn't take long for potential foster families to be interested in him.

Light had meetings with quite a few potentials, but his indifferent attitude always made them uncomfortable and scared them off. Light wondered if it was because he didn't smile and act like a normal child, so Light decided to try the whole smiling thing. It worked, the first people he tried it on were impressed, and Light was placed with his first foster family.

The first family he tried to keep up his faked polite and happy personality but his sadness and indifference eventually came out. It caused the family to doubt whether they were ready to care for an orphan like him and Light was sent back to the orphanage.

A trend was started, in which Light would be placed with a new family and eventually sent back. The reasons for being sent back changed. At first it was his personality; the way he hardly spoke and spent his time in his own world freaked out every foster parent he had. Other reasons included financial troubles, his foster family moving with out him, and other foster children placed with that family not getting along with him.

The words of the orphanage's woman staff member, Miss Miyuki, rang in his ears as the only explanation why he was constantly rejected.

"_Remember to smile. People like people who smile and have good manners."_

Following these words Light constructed a mask. He became a happy child, of exceptionally good manners and a warm and friendly vibe. He worked on wearing it at all times, but keeping his true emotions pent up ended in occasional fits, which got him in trouble and often sent back to the orphanage to "calm down". And after "calming down" the chance Light would be taken back by the same family was slim.

One of the biggest triggers for his fits was times when Light knew that his current foster mom or dad pitied him. His file went with him to every house he went to, so every adult knew about his parent's death. The looks of pity and words of condolence made Light sick. He wanted to forget, but couldn't, and didn't need anyone to remind him. He would snap and start breaking what was around him at the time or curl up into a ball and be unresponsive.

It wasn't until his second year in middle school that the constant moving from foster home to foster home ended.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Light was thirteen he had perfected his mask. He had found a home living with Hiro and Aya Nagashima, a couple who had once had a son Light's age. Their son, Sho, had been a bright student with much potential. Sadly he died in a hit-and-run incident.

Light was like Sho's replacement, or that was how he felt. He wore his mask every day in their presence, appearing as the perfect child. The Nagashimas never worried about Light, assuming he had conquered the effects of his parent's deaths years ago according to his nearly flawless record for the past few years. They left him alone as long as he worked diligently in school and in the tennis club.

As usual, at his school he became instantly popular against his will. He entered at the top of class one, which impressed everyone. He joined the tennis club the day after he came and quickly established himself as the best tennis player in the school, and gained an aura of mystery when he turned down the position as captain. His good looks also didn't hurt his rise to popularity, and the truth that he was an orphan won him sympathy and the sensitive card with all the girls.

And, as usual, Light didn't want anything to do with this new popularity. He either studied or ate on the roof alone during his free time.

Yet somehow at this school Light made real friends. Light always had friends at his schools since he started acting the part of the perfect student, but he never considered them true friends and never hung out with him outside of school. But at this school, for the first time, two people wormed their way into his shell.

It had happened slowly. Light ate in the northern corner of the roof top area. A few other people ate up there, but mostly groups of guys who paid him no attention beyond a friendly hello, and an occasional group of girls who spent the lunch watching and giggling at him. Light paid them no attention and just sat on a bench, looking out at the city.

Another person joined him on the bench one day, sitting on the opposite end. It was Teru Mikami, a boy from his class several spots below him in rank. They ate lunch in silence, and nodded to each other farewell when Mikami got up and left. It became a regular thing.

Mikami would join Light for lunch and eat in silence. In class they would talk about school work and news. When Light studied in the classroom after school Mikami would move to a chair closer to him and study along side of him. He rarely asked Light for help, which pleased Light. Mikami also provided drinks to refresh themselves during these study sessions, knowing Light's favorite drink with out asking.

Light often caught Mikami following him around, and when he pointed it out Mikami would just laugh and compliment Light on being observant, and walk at Light's side. On every partner project they teamed up. Light didn't mind because Mikami actually pulled his weight and often went above and beyond his required amount of work.

Things continued like this for a few months until another new student arrived at the school. Shiori Akino became another new student in the top class, taking Mikami's old class ranking and pushing him down to fifth. Shiori was shy and pretty, but not outstanding. She didn't gain instant popularity and fame like Light. At lunch she had no idea where to sit, too shy to go to the lunch room or stay in the classroom.

Somehow she found herself eating with Light and Mikami, sitting between them on the bench. She had followed a group of girls who, though she didn't know at the time, were following Light to the roof. Once on the roof she was too shy to ask to join them and instead headed to the emptier part of the roof. There was too benches there. One was empty but the other held Light and Mikami. She was intending to sit alone on the first bench, but Light saw her and politely invited her to join him and Mikami. It was if he knew how much she didn't actually want to sit alone, so Shiori eagerly accepted the invitation.

Shiori, like the others, was taken by Light's beauty and obvious intelligence, but figured correctly that he didn't want anyone to point it out as much as she didn't want to be singled out for being new. Light found her presence to be tolerable, like Mikami's, and almost calming. Mikami was okay with the new edition, but slightly annoyed, wanting Light, his best friend, to himself, but didn't take long for him to learn to share Light's company.

They became a trio that always hung out at school together. Shiori joined their study group and provided snacks. They teamed up when ever possible on projects and hung out during school events.

It was Shiori who really pressed Light to let her and Mikami in his heart. One day she tricked Light into agreeing to go shopping with her and Mikami. Light was surprised that he didn't absolutely loath the outing. To make it fun for him Shiori made sure a good portion of their time was spent in a book store.

Somehow Shiori kept convincing Light to hang out with her and Mikami outside. They often went to the book store, Light's preferred destination, but found themselves also frequenting a café Mikami had taken a liking to, and sitting in a busy plaza watching people go by, which was Shiori's favorite thing to do.

Hanging out with Shiori and Mikami got Light to feel more like a real teen, and helped him forget his past. Light even worked up the courage to tell them the truth about how he became an orphan. The day he told them was cloudy and cold. As he spoke his story, the most he had ever talked at a time, he stared at the sky above the city. Shiori and Mikami listened, and when he finished Shiori hugged him tight. If they pitied him they never showed it on their faces, to which Light was grateful.

Mikami shared his strong sense of justice and fear of rejection, and Shiori shared her own troubled family life. Her dad had cheated on her mom then left. Since they all had revealed their weaknesses they all depended on each other for support.

Time passed, the trio stayed strong and found themselves in the middle of their first year of high school.

Light wished his life would stay like this forever but the happy times did not last.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It started at the beginning of the summer vacation when Light was sixteen. The day had started off normal. He, Mikami, and Shiori planned to spend the day at the Spaceland amusement park. Light found such places to be annoying beyond belief but when Shiori begged him to go he couldn't say no. He hated seeing the look of disappointment on her face and cared for her in a protective brotherly way.

That was how Light found himself waiting at the bus stop with Shiori for Mikami to arrive. Mikami was running late, which was uncharacteristic, but Light suspected nothing. During the wait Light remembered what had happened earlier that morning.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"_Light? Are you still home?" Aya called out. She was standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up at Light's door. Light was on the other side of the door organizing the contents of his wallet in preparation for the days activities._

"_Light?" Aya called out again. Light heard her walking up the stairs now._

"_I'm home." He called back. Aya and he were the only ones home at the time, since Hiro left for work early every morning. _

"_Can I come in? I want to tell you something," said Aya, who by now had reached the top of the stairs and had taken the few steps to end up in front of Light's door._

"_Yes." Light replied. The door opened and in walked his foster mom. She looked nervous and excited at the same time._

"_I just found out and haven't told anyone. I wanted Hiro to be the first to know but I want to wait for him to be home first, and this knowledge is too great not to share! I'm pregnant!" She squealed._

_Light was startled. He was not sure how to react. What did this mean for him? Now that Hiro and Aya were going to have a new child, would they want to keep him around? If they did how would Light deal with a baby? It would cry all night, and be smelly and difficult. Many more worries crossed his mind, but he had to respond quickly, before Aya grew concerned from his delayed reaction._

"_That's great!" Light exclaimed, hoping she would hear his excitement as real. She did, laughed, and hugged Light, now almost in tears, which made Light uncomfortable. He awkwardly hugged her back, waiting for his chance to escape._

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Mikami arrived twenty minutes late. His expression was troubled until he noticed he was being watched. Instantly the expression melted away into a characteristic happier, carefree one replaced it.

"Sorry I'm Late. I'll explain later, I promise!" He flashed Light and Shiori a grin.

"Okay, just give us a call next time," Shiori poked at Mikami.

Mikami agreed to, and they got on the next shuttle bus to Spaceland. The ride over was rather uneventful. When they arrived Shiori and Mikami practically dragged Light off the bus and into the amusement park in their eagerness to have fun.

Shiori urged Light to go on every ride, but he refused, preferring to wait for Mikami and Shiori to be done then rejoin them at the exit of every ride. In the end Shiori and Mikami convinced him to go on the Ferris wheel. They joked during the whole ride, laughing constantly. Shiori took a picture of them on the ride with her phone but dropped it when Mikami sneezed.

"Mikami!" Shiori exclaimed.

Light caught the phone before it went far.

"I'll hold on to this," Light told Shiori, placing the phone his pocket. Shiori huffed and Mikami teased her for being clumsy.

Later on after a dinner of overpriced hamburgers, Mikami took the setting sun as a cue to announce he had to leave early.

"What's up Mikami?" Shiori questioned. "You arrived late and are leaving early and spent the whole day looking glum when you thought no one was looking." Light was surprised he didn't notice anything unusual beyond the first troubled expression at the beginning of the outing.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't want to spoil the day, but I have to go home and pack," Mikami answered.

"Pack…" Light repeated, confused.

Mikami's face fell. "My parents are making me move. My dad has been transferred to Kyoto. We leave in a few days, most of which I need to spend packing."

"But you can't leave! What will Light and I do with out you?" Shiori cried.

"I have no choice. Today is the last real day I can hang out." Mikami looked sick, but then suddenly perked up. "That is why I got you guys something this morning and why I was late!"

Mikami slipped off his backpack and opened it up. He pulled out two web cams, handing one to each Shiori and Light. "This way," he explained, "we can still talk face to face. I know you don't like phones much, Light, and I would never be able to understand half of what you say with out seeing your face."

Shiori took hers and laughed, hugging him. Light took his and stared at it, touched at the consideration put into this present.

"And there is more!" exclaimed Mikami. He reached into his backpack again and pulled out a little bag. Inside were cell phone charms. He handed one shaped as a rice ball to Shiori, who once again thanked him by hugging him. Light was then handed a charm shaped as his favorite drink, black coffee in a can, from the study sessions.

"Though you don't really like phones, you still have one. Take it." Mikami demanded.

"Thanks," Light said, accepting the gift. Shiori couldn't contain herself and exclaimed how amazing Mikami was, bringing them in to a group hug. Mikami then reluctantly pulled away and bid them a farewell. He promised to see them at least once more before he left the city.

Then he left, leaving Light and Shiori alone. They walked around the park, bought some ice cream and enjoyed it as the nightly fireworks went off. Before the fireworks ended Shiori began to yawn, so Light steered her towards the bus station. Few people were there, the rest hanging back to see the firework show finish.

The bus they got on ended up being part of a planned gang robbery. About halfway through the ride on of the passengers stood up and pulled out a gun. He walked down the aisle, collecting people's wallets, purses and phones. Shiori was too scared to move when he arrived at Light and Shiori's row. Things escalated quickly.

As Light struggled to get her wallet from her pocket at the gun man's orders a man behind them stood up and declared he was with the FBI and had been tracking him all day. The gun man used quick thinking and grabbed Light to use him as a human shield, wrapping his arm around Light's neck and pointed his gun at Light's head. Shiori started to scream the moment Light was pulled away from her. Her screams made the gun man nervous. He demanded the FBI agent shut up Shiori or he would blow Light's head off.

Light tried to calm Shiori down by talking to her but she didn't seem to hear him. The gun man kept yelling, now in a panic of his own that was being fueled by Shiori's panic and being at gun point of the FBI agent. He jerked Light around, waving the gun but trapping Light with his arm. Light couldn't do anything struggle to break free, his breathing now cut off.

What happened next happened so fast. The gun man pulled his trigger and the sound of a gunshot rang through the bus. Another gunshot followed, and the gun man fell back bringing Light down with him. The bus, since the sound of the first gunshot, started to veer out of control and Light and the man were tossed around on the ground. The bus then collided with something, most likely a rail, and stopped, lurching everything forward. At some point Light had hit his head, causing a massive headache. The gun man's hold on Light ended and something hot and sticky oozed onto Light.

Coughing Light rolled away and got up. The gun man was on his back, convulsing with a bullet wound in his neck. Light stared down at him, horrified. The coppery smell of blood put Light into a trance for a few moments before the shouting brought Light back. He turned to the FBI agent and was shocked but what he saw.

The FBI agent was hunched over a body on the ground, but it wasn't the gun man's body. Shiori lay on the ground staring up at the ceiling. Her eyes were dull compared to their normal brightness. Light rushed over to her side and looked over her body. There was a bullet wound in her chest. The gun man had shot her in his frenzy before being shot down himself. Light checked for a pulse but found none. He then traced his fingers down from her neck to the wound and placed his hand over it in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding.

The FBI agent put a hand on Light, said to watch over her as he took care of everything else. Light didn't really hear him or what happened around him. Blood covered his hands. He was frozen, just like he had been when he was seven. Shiori's body transformed into his fathers and poured out covering him and everything around him. Light felt like he was being swallowed by blood.

Suddenly he could move again and he got up and stumbled to the exit. He heard the FBI agent calling him, but all he could not hear what he was saying over the sound of his mom's voice chanting 'love'. He made his way off the bus and pushed through the crowd of people who had gathered outside. As soon as he had cleared the crowd he began to run.

He had no destination. All he knew was he needed to get away.

**Thank you for reading! Please review and tell me how I am doing! The more reviews I get the more I'm motivated to write (I have a big ego and it needs fuel). And don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.**


	4. Lost Love

**Chapter Four**

**Lost Love**

**This was hard for me to write, sorry for the delay. This chapter will not go too much into the emotions Light is feeling, but will be an almost like an outsider's perspective. As the story progresses I will peel into his layers of emotion and what not so sit tight.**

**And no, I didn't skip a chapter. Just read.**

*PRESENT*

"_Kira strikes again! The police have once again been sent a package containing evidence and information for a case. This is remarkable! It marks the forty-eighth case which has been solved through extensive tips and evidence supplied by an unknown source named Kira. Kira has become a hero too many and an urban legend of Tokyo.. This is reporter Kiyomi Takada reporting from…" _

Light switched off the television, leaving him alone in a silent room. Well, the room wasn't completely silent. The hum of computers filled the air, and the hustle and bustle noises of the city were ever present in the apartment.

He leaned back in his roll-away chair and twirled the pencil in his hands. "Forty-eighth… so it's been that long…" he mused out loud to himself. He stretched his legs out, also musing about how long they have grown. He ran a hand through his auburn hair.

Light then stifled a yawn and went back to his work on the computer, typing away at an impressive speed achieved through practice. He had learned this skill a few years ago when he first decided to become a hacker to better access information.

He figured out the basics about hacking on his own, but the process was slow and clumsy. Light never thought he'd be able to access anything more then a mid-level secure store website, but when attempting to hack a bank in hopes to get a hold of bank statements he met M. M was an experienced hacker who could hack almost anything. They formed a partnership, one in which M would teach Light how to hack, and Light in turn would help assist M in large hacking projects.

Light went by the codename K, for by that time Kira was a name he had associated with his works. Light would never have accepted M's guidance and ever assisted him if he assumed M was a criminal hacker. Since the beginning Light could tell M was just into hacking for the fun of it, and judging by their chat logs it was safe to assume that M was likely an American teenager. By the end of their hacking tryst M and Light had successfully hacked into the Central Intelligence of America database and changed the lunch menu for the staff from stroganoff pasta to chicken fingers and tater tots. Afterwards they parted ways, both satisfied from the partnership, with a promise to eliminate all traces and connections they had to each other as a precaution.

After about an hour Light stopped his typing and got ready for work. He was already wearing slacks and a nice button up shirt, all he need to grab was his wallet, a jacket, and his work apron, a leaf-green colored thing with a small, smiling book worm in the top right corner.

Light worked at a book store a few blocks away. He worked there during the afternoons and evenings, leaving at night. The walk to it was always a quick walk. Today in particular it was quite brisk. It was winter and the weather was always cold but never seemed to want to snow, instead sending chilling blasts of wind in its place.

When Light arrived he was greeted by the store owner. His coworker who he was replacing for his shift saw him enter and called out to him, too.

"Hey Akino! Stop being so prompt, you are making me look bad!"

"Can't help being so perfect," Light casually replied, giving his coworker a grin. Light didn't seem to mind at all that his coworker called him Akino. After all, that is his last name. He is Light Akino. Light Yagami died five years ago.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

*PAST*

After Light ran away from the bus ordeal he walked around aimlessly, not sure what to do with himself. At about two in the morning Light figured that if he was going to go back he should go now. But Light didn't want to go back.

Nothing waited for him at home. Shiori was dead and Mikami was leaving him. Hiro and Aya were having a new baby, so he wasn't needed by them anymore. School had no meaning to him. He had no interest in a future and no one in the present to cling to. He was alone.

He walked until he came to a river. He walked carefully down the grassy hill leading to it to the bank. Before him the dark, cold water rushed. Light shrugged off his coat and held it in his hands. He searched the pockets for his wallet, but instead found a phone.

It wasn't his but Shirori's. His phone was still in his bag that he had abandoned on the bus. Light reaches into his poacket again and this time once again failed to produce his wallet but instead pulled out Mikami's phone charm. A wave of bitter sadness washed over him. Carefully he took the charm out of the packaging and placed it on Shiori's phone.

He then placed the phone in his pants pocket. Once more he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and removed the money, placing it in his other pants pocket.

Then he leaned back and chucked the wallet as far as it would go. With a splash it landed in the river and was swept away with the current. Light looked at the spot where it had disappeared, then tossed his jacket in, too. The jacket floated for a few yards before becoming soak and sinking down beneath the surface.

With a straight face Light turned his back to the river and made his way up the hill.

Light lived like on the streets for the next month. He slept on subway stairs and park benches and in public bathrooms. He used his wallet money to dye his hair black to better blend in and avoid recognition. He also bought a new jacket to be able to better combat any changes in weather.

He found a job at a small pawn shop, working under the name Light Akino in honor of Shiori. It paid little and the work was tedious, but Light was able to earn enough money to buy a small apartment. And while there (and when his boss wasn't there) Light was able to make sure the customers got good deals on what they brought in and bought in exchange.

After work he went on walks. That was how he managed to solve his first crime. Light go off late one night and walked for while, ending up in a warehouse district. He saw two suspicious figures outside one of the warehouses. He would normally have passed on, paying them no attention, but their body language suggested something was up. Curious, Light got closer and secretly listened in on their conversation.

It turned out to be a drug exchange. Not an actual one, but the confirmation meeting of a major drug drop here at the warehouse. Light listen on and learned some of the details, then inspected the location and found several clues, like the boxes that would be exchanged for the boxes containing the drugs. Light was careful not to touch anything and left. He was going to go straight to the police but stopped when he realized he had no usable documentation and identity. They might discover who he really was and send him back.

Light was then at a crossroads. He knew he had to inform them, his sense of justice was too great to let drug dealers get away with this, but he couldn't go to the police directly. He decided to tip them off anonymously. Calling from any phone would let them know his location so he wrote them a letter explaining the details. The plan was to slip it in when he was pretending to be a lost tourist who stopped by a police station to ask for directions since the time to mail a letter would take to long.

It worked because a few days later there was a police crime seen set around the warehouse near Light's work, the day after the night of the drug deal. Reading the paper Light learned the police decided to stake the place out after receiving his tip, discovered it to be true and leapt into action.

Light felt more fulfilled then he had in a long time. When Shiori was still alive Light had considered following in his fathers foot steps and becoming a detective. But that door was closed now to him, but there may be a way he could keep this going.

Light got the idea to follow what he had started, that is investigating and solving cases on his own and sending his conclusion and evidence to the authorities to properly handle the matter. Light wanted to be justice.

With that new conviction Light started working harder at his job and picked up a second job, knowing he had to make money if his new dream was to be fully realized. First he needed equipment, and then he needed training.

While he worked to save up money he solved what cases he could. He read reports in newspaper about unsolved crimes and worked the field, looking for clues where he could. His goal was to leave no trace and let no one know who he was, real or fake identity.

Light went by a new name, Light Akino. He didn't want to give up his first name for it was his last tie back to his old life and his father, but his last name would make him too easy to find. He changed it to Akino, in honor of Shiori. Light knew this wasn't a great disguise of a name, for if anyone felt like doing the research they could tie his last name and first name to his old self, but no one would bother if he played his hand correctly.

Light decided to signature all his work with the name Kira, a variation on the Kanji for his name which meant moon, or 'hira'.

Walking on the streets at night, whether it was to look for clues or hoping to overhear something else important, Light became aware of the many small petty crimes around him, like muggings, flashers, and pit-pockets. He tried to stop what he could, but it often ended with him being beaten up.

Angry Light took to sitting in shady bars hoping to eavesdrop on unsuspecting characters. That was how he met Yasuo. Yasuo was a run away, like Light, who had lived on the streets for a while now and knew how things worked. He had noticed Light's attempt to appear unassuming, quickly deduced he was a run away, too, and decided to help him.

The boys struck up a friendship as Yasuo taught Light the ways of the streets. Somehow their friendship became a bit more and Light had found himself in a relationship. After going for a walk and sometimes looking for clues while out, they would go back to Light's small apartment and spend the night in each other's company. Yasuo eventually officially moved in with Light.

They grew close, but one day Yasuo's family came in contact with him. They wanted him back; sorry that they had driven him away and now wanted to make amends. Yasuo went back to them with the support of Light, but sadly it left Light alone once again, for Yasuo's family lived quite far up north. Yasuo asked for Light to come with him but was turned down. Light could leave his work. He had to do it.

Being alone again left Light really lonely, but he re-submerged himself in his work, both official and unofficial. He eventually saved up enough money to buy an extensive computer system along with high tech cameras and other tools needed for ground work. While trying to figure out how to utilize his computer he met M, who taught him everything he needed to know.

He was able to expand on his fake identity, creating a document history and trail for Light Akino and a non-existent family, linking them back to a real family line several generations back to increase the believability. Fake passport and identity card were included.

Now aided with the power of hacking, Light was now able to discreetly access the police system, finding new cases to try and solve and all the base work and information found so far included. Light was able to tackle bigger cases, like kidnappings and murders.

He even found out the status of the search for him, Light Yagami. He was officially declared dead. They had found his wallet and jacket washed up down the river and assumed he had jumped in and committed suicide after seeing his friend die. Light felt relieved and empty at the same time.

He stopped dying his hair black and let it return to its natural light brown. His lack of caring for himself left him skinny, but he had built up muscle from his walks, fights, and solo tennis games (him versus the nearest wall).

Kira had gotten popular. Kira to most was both real and not real at the same time. Some claimed Kira was the name of a secret crime solving vigilante group, other that he was a single person of incredible talent. Some even though he was some sort of demigod. What ever their belief the people of Tokyo embraced Kira, making him an urban myth and never really trying to solve who sent in the information and how they got it.

_Kira watches over us to protect the innocent from evil, and brings the evil to justice for their actions_

That was a statement that both elated and terrified Light. He made a difference and helped, but he was no god. He was a mere mortal that could try as hard as he might to repay for the sins of the past…

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

*PRESENT*

Light got off work at eight. By then the sun had gone down, but the city was still full of light, never ceasing to be active. It was gloomier then usual. Angry storm clouds were in the sky and with a flash of lightening and a crack of thunder it began to pour.

The rain was freezing, soaking through Light's jacket as easily as if it were made of paper. Light cursed at himself for not bringing a rain jacket or an umbrella. Though an umbrella wouldn't help combat the rain blown at him by the wind.

It was truly disgusting weather. On any other day Light would have gone home and spent the night nice and warm in front of his computer, hacking into files at his leisure, but not tonight. Tomorrow was a day he'd rather forget, but despite his carefree appearance today he spent every free moment remembering.

Tomorrow was the anniversary of his parent's deaths.

As he did every year he would spend all night stalking the streets looking for something he wouldn't find. What it was he didn't know. He would then take the day off of work and spend it how ever struck his fancy, then spend the night of repeating the previous night's actions.

He never bothered to analyze how he spent the anniversary, like he never really analyzed anything else he did emotionally, that is when he did anything for an emotion driven reason, which was rare.

The weather wouldn't stop him tonight so he pulled up his hood and set off.

**Okay! There you go! I may comeback to this chapter some day and edit it, but if I do I will make it well known. Chances are if I do it will not be a major change, but everything little thing counts. This is not much of a cliffhanger/climatic ending but it is suitable.**

**Next chapter will be up soon! And it's a good one, I promise! Why? I don't know, any guesses? Hint hint wink wink**


	5. Feverish Love

**Chapter Five**

**Feverish Love**

It didn't take long before Light's mind became as dark and stormy as the weather.

Though Light had on a light jacket, it was no match for the pouring rain that fell from the skies of Tokyo. The rain was freezing, and managed to soak Light to his very core, chilling his spine and numbing his limbs. His teeth chattered and he shivered constantly.

Light's health fell quickly, a decline fueled by years of eating for the bare minimum of nutrients only. A fever slowly grew with in him, burning away at his lung, his cheeks and forehead. Light felt as if he was under attack from both fire and ice. The two feelings raged a battle inside of him, as relentless as the ever-falling rain.

The fever began meddling with his mind. The lights of the city blurred around him. The sounds started to get fuzzy, sounding strange and at sometimes alarming.

Light lost track of where he was in the city, but instead of stopping to find out where he was, he walked on. He knew he was looking for something, but he knew not what he searched for. He never knew. Each year he would walk, each year his search would fail.

Soon Light found himself surrounded by trees and grass. He figured he must be in a park. A bench came up on his right. Light would have brushed by it without a second thought but then he stumbled and fell to the ground. He landed on his knees and hands, scraping them with a sting, dulled by the fever in his head.

With a cough he pushed himself up and onto the bench, breathing heavily. Once on the bench, he leaned forward and hung his head. He was beginning to forget exactly what he was doing and why he was here.

He sat on the bench for awhile and the rain continued to relentlessly poured down on him. As he sat he tried to think about things that escaped him. He was Light. He was Kira. He was Chief Yagami's son and also the son of Sachiko Yagami. His mother had killed his father. She told him it was his fault. Shiori had died. He knew it was his fault. His fault. What else was his fault?

He was smart. He solved crimes. He needed to solve crimes. Every crime he didn't solve was another un-avenged death. Another possible murderer on the loose. More possible deaths to occur.

Death. It happened to all those around him. Death. Death. Death, death, death. Dea-th. Death. It's a funny word. Death.

Light chuckled to himself, but then the chuckles died off slowly. He sat in silence, listening to the rain. He had no idea how much time passed, but then something suddenly broke through the fog that clouded his mind. A soft voice that spoke his name.

"Light," Shiori called out. Light sat up with a start, opening his eyes to see Shiori standing in front of him. She had not aged a day since he last saw her. She wore he school uniform that, despite the fact it was raining, seemed to be dry. Light searched her face for anger and blame, but it was smooth and kind.

"Shiori?" He managed to croak out. She seemed so real but he knew she couldn't be real. He reached out to touch her, but she took a step back and shook her head. She now had a sad smile on her face. Light was confused. He wanted to ask her why she was here, and what was going on. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He coughed again, this time in a fit. The coughs seemed to drain him of energy, a sweat broke out on his forehead.

"Get up, Light. Get up," Shiori commanded. Light didn't want to. He was wet and cold. But Shiori wanted him to. He owed her that. He stood with a great heave, and steadied himself on his feet.

"Follow me. I need you to follow me." She began walking, every now and then glancing back to see if he was following. He was. Light shuffled after her, like a lost puppy. He studied her as he followed. She seemed to have a glow to her, an unnatural glow. No sounds came from her footsteps. Her hair swayed as she walked. Her socks were bunching down at her ankles, like they used to. She seemed to be humming to herself; a cheery tune that seemed out of place on a night like this.

They walked out of the park and back into the city. The street lamps were on, but the light they cats was brighter then usual. The sounds of the city had died down. Very few people were up and about. Anyone they did pass paid Shiori or Light any attention. This was something Light wouldn't mind, but he was still not sure if Shiori was real. He wanted to ask her, but he was afraid it might offend her and make her leave. Once or twice he could have sworn he saw Mikami, but he could only focus on one crazy thing at a time.

Light soon found himself on a bridge over a river. Shiori had gotten quite a few yards a head of him. A man passed him, headed the opposite direction. The scent of pastries came to Light's nose. Suddenly a loud truck honk blared, disorienting Light. He stumbled into the railing to catch himself from falling. Once balanced he looked for Shiori, only to discover she had disappeared.

Light panicked. She had to be somewhere. She couldn't just leave him. He looked around wildly but saw no trace of her on the bridge. Maybe she fell of the bridge. Light leaned over the rail and looked at the dark water fifty-feet below. There was no sign of a disturbance. But then again, Shiori may not of had mass, since she may not have been real. Maybe she had fallen in and was drowning, but had no ripple or splashes to show where she had gone in.

This though drove Light wild. He couldn't let Shiori down again. He climbed over the rail and stood on the edge on the other side, both hands behind him clutching the ice-cold rail. He looked down at the water again, trying to guess where she fell in, but then fell into a trance.

The water below cast a spell on him. Though it was dark and freezing, it looked bright, warm, and inviting. It seemed to promise him an end to all his problems. It was relief. An escape.

The water called to him, and Light was eager to answer the call.

Now it was a simple matter of going off the edge. Not really jumping, but more like falling. The end was so close. Light felt almost giddy.

A noise suddenly startled him out of his stupor. He lost his balance and fell. Strong arm caught him in an iron grip and pulled him back over the rail. He spilled over the side and onto the concrete sidewalk. The pain of impact and the general hurt of the sickness overtook him. He felt so exhausted. He instantly forgot what he was doing just a moment ago and just focused on the pain.

Just before he blacked out Light noticed a man standing over him with piercing black eyes, looking down with a grimace.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The day went like most days went for L. Unsatisfying. There was always work that didn't get done, a puzzle yet to be solve, and personal contact loathed to be had. Despite himself, L enjoyed these days, because what was life without a struggle? Struggle made things interesting.

Today was a particularly frustrating day. There had been no new breaks in the case that had brought him to Japan. An exciting art thief mixed in with an fake art trafficking ring.

There were was a Japanese task force working on this with him but L would have preffered working solo. Compared to him everyone was a dead weight, just another pawn on the chessboard that was life.

Everyone except for Whammy. He was L's caretaker. He made sure L got the need nutrition and calories to survive and saw to other basic functions, like cleaning clothes and regulating almost everything that wasn't case related in L's life. L didn't have time to sweat the small things when solving cases for the greater good needed solving.

He also did more prestigious jobs like openly dealing with people L had to work with, under the guise of Watari, the only person who could contact L and put him on a case.

L never meets anyone face to face. His identity was a total secret, one of his biggest assets against his enemies. When he goes out in public he is just another face, one of the crowd, a person of no consequence.

Well, not completely. He was always somewhat known to the bakeries and dessert shops he visited as a big spender, since he always bought in bulk.

Usually he sent out Whammy to do his shopping but today Whammy was busy being Watari and finishing up tedious paperwork back at the hotel. L had no patience to fill anything out today. The rain made him feel depressed, a feeling he could easily treat with chocolate. Sadly he had grown tired of the hotel's dessert menu and they had run out of anything else.

So that was why L happened to be out on the streets in Tokyo, Japan, in the middle of the night in a great storm. For the sole purpose of tracking down some chocolaty confection.

He succeeded in finding an open place a few blocks away from the hotel and triumphantly made his purchase and carried it back toward the hotel carefully, making sure the umbrella protected him and the bag of goodies from the rain.

On his way back as he crossed a bridge he spotted what appeared to be a drunk man stumbling along with a certain determination. The man passed L, seeming to not notice him at all. A truck drove by and honked loudly at a car that had cut it off. The drunk, seemingly startled stumbled into the railing of the bridge, gripping it for balance.

L would have continued on completely unconcerned, for drunks were common around the world, but the guy who had just passed him did not smell of alcohol. Maybe it was the rain, but no trace of spirits wafted into L's nose.

L stopped and stared at the possibly not drunk man with interest. He loved solving puzzles, and this looked like a small brainteaser that would be quick to solve.

The man he was watching looked young. His hair was dripping. It was raining hard and the man had no umbrella or rain jacket, and appeared to be drenched. He looked crazed, spinning his head around wildly. Was he trying to find the source of the noise? Not likely.

The man then looked over the bridge with a look of horror, as if he was a mother and dropped his baby over the edge. His face had a certain level of concern that exceeded dropped cell phone or sandwich. Quicker then L could anticipate the man climbed over to the other side of the railing, about to jump.

Dropping the bag of desserts and his umbrella, L rushed forward and grabbed the man around the waist. L hoisted him over, letting go as soon as he was sure he was safe. The man didn't get up, or really move at all. He just stared up at Light with a distant look then closed his eyes and passed out.

This was surely an interesting turn of events. Positively, L had an even bigger puzzle to solve for entertainment. Negatively, his sweets have been compromised and he was now wet.

The man had yet to move, so L put two fingers on his throat to check his pulse. The pulse was strong, but the skin was surprisingly warm. The man had a fever, and an alarmingly high one at that.

L was confirmed that the man smelled not like alcohol. He smelled not much different then the rain. That, and the level of wetness of his clothes, confirmed for L that the man had been outside for a long time. A stupid choice. L had no leading hypothesis as to why the man would be outside in this weather for so long.

The man moaned a bit, making L realize that he probably had to attend to him now. Pulling out his cell phone he quickly dialed Watari for assistance.

"Hello. What is your situation?" Whammy questioned.

L explained his situation. Whammy suggested he take him to a hospital, but when L said the word hospital, the man, seemingly conscious again began to moan "no hospital" over and over. It appeared he was not fully coherent upon further inspection. L told Whammy to hold off calling a ambulance.

L tried to question the young man, putting Whammy on hold.

"Sir, what is your name?" L asked.

"What is yours?" He mumbled in reply. The tart reply amused L.

"Sir, what is your name?" L repeated.

"Light. Like, from above." The man pointed up at a street lamp nearby. L's suspicion that the man was mentally ill rose.

"Last name?" L questioned.

"What's your?" Light demanded back. L could see the man was going to be difficult, so he cut straight to the business.

"Ok, Light, why don't you want to go to the hospital?"

"Why don't you? You, sir, are more like me then you know." The man was clearly out of his mind. There was an extremely low chance that the man knew who he was.

"Death. Death, death, death." The man started to ramble. He clearly needed help. He seemed crazed, yet the pain in his voice made L's heart feel… odd.

"Light, I'm taking you to a hospital, whether you like it or not." L brought his phone back to his ear, about to tell Whammy to call that ambulance, but the man grabbed L's arm.

Warmth immediately rushed to the spots on L's arm where Light was touching. The fever must be higher then L had suspected. This man need medical attention as soon a spossible. But then their eyes met, and L noticed the brown Light's eyes, and the desperation in them.

"Please. No hospital."

Despite the possible implications not wanting hospital aid could mean about the man, L found himself telling Whammy that he was bringing Light to the hotel. Whammy never questioned his orders, and did as told, promising to prepare medical assistance for Light. Light had seemingly passed out again at this point, so L picked him up in a piggyback type hold, and began walking.

**Sorry for the long break. I know excuses are never good, but I got caught up in school work mixed with senioritis and other crazy things. But know this, I promise to finish this story! And I will work on it a lot more often now that classes have winded down.**


	6. Exposed Love

**Chapter Six**

**Exposed Love**

L stared at the young man, who he had saved from jumping off of a bridge, laying on a bed in front of him. He hadn't been staring at him long. Whammy had just finished attending to Light's health, hooking him up to an IV after a physical exam. L had let him be alone while he worked, stepping out of the bedroom to get a cup of tea.

It was his bedroom, technically, but since he didn't need to sleep anytime soon he was more then able to lend the bed to his guest. He hardly ever slept during investigations, and when he did it was usually a quick nap, often while sitting in his chair. He wouldn't be napping at all this night. He didn't know this stranger and sleeping would put himself at too much of a risk.

There was no way of knowing how much of a threat Light was. L only knew his first name, and it was unlikely that his DNA would reveal any results, as most Japanese citizens didn't have their DNA on file. Despite the low chance, L took no risks and ran the search anyway, yielding the expected results. He also searched the name Light, but yielded too many results. He could narrow the search down by age approximation, but he had no way of knowing where exactly this particular Light lived. Light was not a common name, but it was no shinning gem of originality.

L had gotten a bit tired by the time he arrived at the hotel room, having carried this young man several blocks before they arrived. He avoided the lobby and the annoying hotel staff and climbed a few flights of stairs before getting into the elevator. Whammy was waiting for him at the door ready to take over. L had handed him off then followed them into the room where his spare clothes were kept. L grabbed a set of clothes for himself and his guest, so they would have dry clothes to change into. Whammy changed Light into the outfit while L changed in the living room.

Now the man was lying in his bed in ill-fitting clothes. L was surprised to find that Light was unhealthily skinny. He was naturally muscular, no doubt. Even now L noticed that the hard muscles Light had could be seen through the fabric of his shirt. They tensed up every now and then as Light dreamt; a fascinating process that kept drawing L's gaze. The fact of the matter is that Light was clearly not eating sufficiently.

He was covered in sweat from the fever but shivered constantly. His face was hard in this fitful sleep. His breathing was even. His chest rose and fell softly.

L started to wonder what had driven the young man to the side of the bridge; perhaps a lover's quarrel or a broken heart. Financial destitute was also possible, but the clothes the man wore when L found him seemed to be of good quality before getting ruined in the weather. Maybe he was a runaway. The man L determined to be in the late teens or early twenties, and it was know that many young men lived with their parents through out college.

There was possibility he was a criminal, jumping in remorse for his illegal actions. What ever he was, L would not be able to find out until his guest woke up and was coherent. L bit his thumb, impatient to wait to unravel this puzzle.

Getting bored, he stood up and left the young man on his own to go work on his current big. Or maybe one of the smaller cases taken on by one of his aliases.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

To say Light got a good night's sleep would be a complete and total lie. The fever burned constantly, keeping up an overwhelming flame of discontent through out Light's body. He was unconscious, yet aware of his aching body.

No position he was in felt comfortable. He needed to keep moving to find relief.

There was some moments he was more awake then others. At some moments he was aware that some one was touching him gently. A prick in the arm here, a cool sensation there, and a low voice that was fatherly. It calmed him down some.

Then there were long stretches of time where he was left alone. But he was never truly alone. Weird illusions danced behind his eyelids.

There was a man with dark eyes that sometimes appeared. He would always just watch him silently. Sometimes he felt more real, and then others it was like he was spectral bird, studying him from some perch.

There were sometimes random people. They never seemed to notice Light or the fact that they were in a room. They laughed and talked carelessly with each other. Each one had a large smile and seemed to be having the time of their lives.

Shiori reappeared and reached out her hand as if to stroke Light's hair, but he never quite felt it. He never really liked being touched before but this made him feel like there was a knot in his stomach. With a sad smile she took her hand back and laid down on the bed next to Light. They laid side by side, staring up at the ceiling in comfortable silence.

When Light turned to look at her, she had disappeared and he was alone once more.

Sometimes he dreamed he was watching Mikami, but Mikami, like the random people, didn't notice him. The Mikami he watched was not like the one he knew. This Mikami wasn't cheery and upbeat, but solemn and business-like. Light missed the old Mikami.

There were two boys who looked like Light who taunted him. They claimed to be Hiro and Aya's sons. The taller one, who called himself Sho, said Light was just his replacement. They never really loved him, they just used him to get over the death of their son. He was just a tool. The younger, who gave no name for Light to call him by, told Light that they didn't miss him when he ran away and faked his death. He said they were relieved they didn't have to deal with him now that they had their new child.

Their words stung Light, and he knew they were true. That was why he could never go back. He was a hindrance to everyone he knew.

Worse, he sometimes dreamt about that night. The one in which his life as he knew it ended. He would look at his hands to find them stained red, and he here her voice, accusing him of ruining her life. Her voice, placing the blame on him. Her voice, telling horrifying truths. He felt the presence of his dad, but hers overpowered it.

No, Light did not have a peaceful rest. Everything he had pushed down bubble up in his sleep. He hated it.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

It was the middle of the afternoon by the time Light finally woke up. It took a lot of effort to wake up because everything was so hazy. The first thing Light could make sense of was that the room was bright.

Disoriented, he turned his head to the source of the light. There was a window. It was a wide window with curtains thin enough to let in the light but thick enough to protect privacy. A second thicker set of curtains hung on the frame, but were pulled back.

It would have been a beautiful day if Light didn't feel like he has been hit by a bus. The second thing Light noticed was the pain. He had a big head ache and his checks were flushed. His nose was running, which was unpleasant. Light wished to wipe some off with a tissue, so he reached for a box he knew to be on his nightstand, but instead felt a tugging on his arm.

Surprised, Light shifted to look at his wrist and noticed a needle stuck into it. The needle was connected to a fluid tube. He was wearing an IV. Immediately uncomfortable, Light sat up abruptly.

Pain pulsated in his head and his vision swirled around. Light grabbed onto his head with both has, just wanting the pain to go away. As soon as the pain lessoned Light jerked the IV out and look around to get his bearings.

The room he was in had a large wooden dresser opposite to the bed, a night stand on wither side of the bed, two plush chairs with a small coffee table in front of them, and another small table at the foot of the bed. The bed itself was a king-sized bed with plush covers and four pillows. Several lamps were placed through out the room. Two doors were on the walls, both closed.

A glass of water sat on the nightstand closest to him. He could only assume it was intended for him to drink.

From what Light could tell he was in a hotel and a fancy one at that. How he got there was still fuzzy. He appeared to be alone, and he didn't feel like waiting around for some stranger to come.

Throwing off the covers, Light moved in the bed so that he was sitting with his feet on the floor. That was when he noticed the clothes. He was in a pair of baggy blue jeans and an ill-fitting white long-sleeve shirt. Light knew these were not his clothes which worried him all the more as to what happened.

Light stood up slowly, learning from the sitting up incident. He knew he was ill, with a fever and congestion at the least. He was barefoot. The carpet beneath his feet was thick and soft. He thought absent mindedly back to his childhood. His father's house had nice carpets. He remembered liking to lay on them as he read. And he would always be told to get off them and sit on the couch or in a chair by his… mother. Wincing at the thought of her, Light pushed her to the back of his mind.

He walked slowly to the door, wobbling greatly. He took it step by step. A wave of tiredness hit him, trying to coax him back to the bed and forget his foreign environment, but Light wasn't about to let this feeling control them. He made it over to the first door and leaned on the frame.

Opening it revealed a bathroom, with standard features hotels were known for, but with marble and other high class elements. There was no other door, so this bathroom was private for the bedroom. Sighing, Light closed the door and turned to the other door.

He walked to it, using the wall for support. He reached out and grasped the handle, turning the knob. When he opened the door he saw a room that was brighter then the bedroom. Both curtains were drawn, but artificial light filled the room. There was computer equipment set up through out the sitting area of the room. Several chairs were pushed back up against a wall. One swivel chair with wheel sat in the middle of the room, empty. Closer to the exit two sofas circled a large coffee table. It reminded Light of his own apartment.

It was quit except for the soft, familiar hum of computers. Then, suddenly, a noise brought his attention to the kitchen area. Behind a kitchen island stood a man with jet black hair who was closing a fridge.

The man was staring at him with coal, black eyes. The man stood hunched over slightly, holding a bottle of pink lemonade between two fingers. He paused at first, taking in the sight of Light, but then began unscrewing the cap and took a sip.

"So sleeping beauty is finally awake." He remarked.

Lights eyes narrowed at him. He had already tensed up at the fact he was no longer alone. This man was a stranger, and he had nothing to judge him off of yet but that tart remark.

"Who are you?" Light asked. He was surprised by how groggy his voice was.

"I am the one who should be asking you that. After all, you're my guest here. Who are you?" The coal-eyed man shot back. As he said this he walked over and sat on one of the couches in a casual style, placing the lemonade on the table.

"I am not sure if I want to tell you. Where am I?" Light demanded. He was in no mood to play games with this guy.

"You are in a hotel in downtown Tokyo. Roughly five blocks from where you passed out. Remember?" The man now shifted position, bringing his legs closer to his body and putting his weight on his feet. He bit his thumb and watched Light, waiting for a reaction.

Light stared back at the man as a few clouded memories from last night flooded back into his head. He had been walking around at night but got caught in the storm. He remembered Shiori being there, but not really. He remembered standing on the edge of a bridge, not sure how he got there. Finally he remembered laying on the ground with that same man standing over him.

Light felt embarrassed and exposed. No one had ever seen him so exposed before. No one. The most vulnerable he had ever been before was when he told Shiori and Mikami his past. This was worse. This was a stranger.

He knew the other man probably saw the color flush into his cheeks. "I take it you remember." The man stated.

"I apologize." Light quietly answered. He wasn't really sure what to say. He was as raw as his throat.

They stayed in silence for a few moments until Light got in a short coughing fit. The man waited for him to finish. He must of noticed how it wore Light out, for he gestured for Light to sit down on the opposite couch.

Light mumbled a 'thanks' and sat down. He wasn't sure how to compose himself around this man. He figured the best he could do right now is work on building up that mask again.

"My name is Light Akino. I work at a local bookstore," Light said, with a formal tone in his voice. "What is your name, if I may ask?"

"Ryuzaki. I'm here on business."

"I assume it is in computers? I could help but notice your units."

Ryuzaki's lip twitched into a small smile that disappeared quickly.

"You are right. I don't really want to go into detail at the moment. What I'm more concerned with is your state of health. Light, last night when I attempted to bring you to the hospital, you told me not to. Now why might that be?"

So that was show he was going to go at it. Light was hoping to avoid the topic for awhile with small talk, but Ryuzaki was a man who got straight to the point.

"As I said, I'm an employee at a book store. I don't have health insurance or the money to pay for such a visit." This was true, but it was not the real reason.

"I see." Ryuzaki responded. He seemed to accept the story, but something made Light feel that he didn't.

"I have to thank you for taking me off the streets in my condition. I'm sure it was an inconvenience for you. Why, may I ask, did you choose to do so?"

"I couldn't just leave you where you lay. And, as we have already gone over, you didn't want to go to the hospital. My hands were tied, so to speak."

"I do apologize once again." Light stayed polite. He felt like he was treading water. "Did you hook me up to an IV? Where did you get that?"

"No," Ryuzaki replied, "Actually it was my caretaker, Wallingford. He is medically trained. He also prepares my meals for me."

Light didn't like the idea of yet another stranger being present at his weakest state.

"Where is he now? I don't suppose… never mind." He chickened out of asking what he really wanted. This pussyfooting around the subject was awkward for Light. It has been a long time since he wasn't in complete control of a social situation like this.

"He is in his room, else where in the hotel. If you are hungry, I can call him up. Or if you think you need more medical attention…" Ryuzaki watched as Light turned a bit green at the thought of eating food.

"No, I'm fine. I really should be going now, anyways. I thank you for all you have done for me. If you excuse me…" Light tried to stand up but Ryuzaki got up faster then him and forced him back down onto the couch with his hand pressed into Light's forehead.

"Just as I thought. You still have a high fever and are in no condition to be on your own. I'm calling Wallingford." Ryuzaki took his hand away and took a few steps to the side, whipping out a small cell phone and dialed a number.

As the phone rang Light was still sitting in shock. He hadn't expected the stranger to move so quickly or to touch his forehead. The whole things seemed uncomfortably intimate, but the way Ryuzaki composed himself hinted that he might not be the best man when it came to social customs. The spot where he had touched was tingling. Light touched it absent mindedly with his fingers but then snapped back into reality and looked at Ryuzaki, who was just finishing up the phone call.

He spoke in too quite of a voice for Light to comprehend, but Light was unconcerned with what he was saying. The lights in the room were hurting his eyes.

With a click Ryuzaki closed the phone and slipped it back into the pocket of his jeans. That was when Light noticed that they were dressed alike. It was quite odd. Light could only assume his clothes were wet and he had been changed into a spare set of Ryuzaki's clothing. Why Ryuzaki had two of the same shirt and pants escaped him. He must not be very… fashionable. Light wouldn't call himself fashionable, but he liked nice clothes with a professional business feel. This was the first time he had worn blue jeans in years.

"Do you have any family you would like to be dropped off with?" Ryuzaki questioned.

"No." Light answered simply.

"Friends?"

"No."

"Do you not want to bother them or do you really have no one?" Ryuzaki's eyes burned on Light. Light knew he knew it was a rude thing to say. This man frustrated Light. Did he really have no social graces?

"I guess one can see it that way." Light brushed it off. Having no friends never bothered him before. Sure, his coworkers would like to consider themselves his friends, but they would be completely surprised to find him at their door, ill.

"Couldn't you just give me some medicine and a ride to my apartment? It's not too far…" Light began, weakly hoping he'd have a chance to get out of here.

"No. I told you once already. I am also not inclined to leave a man in your state by himself. I am of course, referring to the fact that you were about to jump off a bridge when I first saw you."

It happened. Ryuzaki finally got to the elephant in the room and Light felt like he had just been slapped. His eyes harden instantly. He was not going to discuss such matters with some random man, no matter if he more or less saved Light's life. Light stood up straight, trying to use his aurora of authority that he knew he possessed.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't know what you are talking about."

"We both know you do."

"Excuse me, but I am leaving now." Light walked for the door, swaying a bit as he walked, but kept a brisk pace. Once again the raven-haired stranger moved quicker then him and cut him off.

"You will not be going. I will not let you leave, and you are in no condition to fight me. And I will physically restrain you until Wallingford gets here, if you make me." Ryuzaki straightened up while standing for the first time. He was taller than Light, and lean, but through his twin long-sleeve white shirt Light could see muscles.

He knew the threat was serious. He wasn't sure what to do, but then a wave of ill spread over him and he hunched over, coughing. This time he lost his balance and began stumbling backwards.

Ryuzaki grabbed him before he could trip and fall. Supporting him on his shoulder, Ryuzaki guided Light back to the couch and deposited him, back into his seat.

Ryuzaki then went and retrieved a box of tissues and told Light to blow him nose. His face was masterfully blank through out all this. Light was impressed. He knew he wasn't the only one to where a mask, but this man seemed to be more solid at it. His mask was so effortless. His genius level intelligence was clear, but to what degree, Light did not know.

The room was now silent except for that familiar hum of machinery and a few sniffles and blows from Light.

"He didn't, by the way." Ryuzaki said, breaking the silence.

"What?" Light asked.

"I was alone when I found you. Wallingford was at the hotel at the time. You cost me a bag of sweets from a particularly good bakery. We can discuss the matter of your attempted suicide later."

And with that Ryuzaki turned away, walking towards one of the computers as the hotel room door opened to reveal an old, distinguished man with a mustache.

**Thank you for reading! And thanks for those of you who reviewed! I am not really sure what to say. Hmmmmmmm.**

**Oh, an interesting thing happened to me the other day. A tall, skinny window beside my front door started shattering in slow motion. Weird, right?**

**Once again I apologize for my chapter names. They are cheesy as heck, and I just can't stop making them. You'll have to deal with it.**


	7. Questioning Love

**Chapter Seven**

**Questioning Love**

Whammy had been surprised when his charge had called and explained his situation. He had been even more surprised when L decided to bring the man back to the hotel, where they were based. This was a very risky move, but Whammy never questioned L's decisions.

The most interesting part of this was that L seemed genuinely interested in a person for non-work related issues. Over the phone Whammy was shocked to here the man Light had found object to going to the hospital, and for L to actually listen.

As he prepared for the ill guest he wondered how this could impact L's life. L was always very work oriented, never got along with the other orphans and hated sharing. His social skills were very poor. No matter how hard Whammy tried to teach him these skills L rejected them, saying that they were unnecessary for his line of work.

When L came back he had with him a young man. Despite the look of a drowned cat, the man was quite attractive. Whammy wondered if that was one of the things that had drawn L to the man.

Whammy was not opposed to homosexuality. It was shard to not be okay with it with Matt and Mellow around. Whammy had known them for most of their lives and had seen them grow up together, and grow closer and closer. They were adorable kids, though Mellow could be a handful. It was funny how he was the exact opposite of his name.

He had suspected L was either gay or asexual, like Near appeared to be, based on his utter disinterest in the female gender. His musings on L's sexuality, however, came to a stop as soon as the young man began coughing.

Whammy went straight into doctor mode. He had medical training. Not too extensive, but enough to keep his charge alive and what to do in extreme emergency situations, which popped up every now and then in this line of work. He did all he could with the man incoherent. He hooked up an IV drip so the man could get fluids and medicine in him, as making him drink water and swallow pills was unrealistic. He worried about the man's mental health. It troubled him to know such a young person was driven to attempted suicide.

As Whammy worked on the man he couldn't help feel he somehow knew him. No red flags came up, so he was certain this man was not a criminal. He asked L if he had gotten the man's name, and L said it.

Light. That name defiantly rung bells. If Whammy was a younger man he would have remembered faster, but he was aging, a fact that could not be avoided.

He wouldn't be around forever and L still depended heavily on him. Whammy planned to bring it up sometime soon, but he was waiting for a time when L didn't have as many high profile cases as he usually did.

After he finished he left Light to sleep and retired to his own hotel room for the night. Just before going to bed the ember of a memory was sparked. He had once interviewed a child named Light before A's suicide and B's runaway. That child was also Japanese. Whammy had always regretted forgetting such a bright mind and leaving it to the life of an orphan and foster child.

Years later he had checked to find out Light Yagami had died years ago in his teens. They say it was a PTSD driven suicide after being on a bus where a shooter took out his female friend. Reports say she died in his arms and afterwards he ran off and was never heard from again. Evidence showed he had jumped and drowned in the river.

A heavy weight was set on Whammy's shoulders. If only he had brought Light to Whammy House, despite all the craziness, Light Yagami would have benefitted from proper psychiatric treatments that Whammy had no doubt he was deprived of as a foster child. His death could have been avoided.

Feeling the weight of the death of one Light on his hands, he went to bed until it was time to tend to the other Light.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Wallingford turned out to be a man of European descent, probably British. Ryuzaki was a mix of Japanese and others. Despite both of them having perfect Japanese accents Light knew they were from out of country.

Wallingford seemed familiar but Light could quite place who he was in his mind. It was possible Light had just passed him before on the street or that the old man had been a customer at the book store. If he was some one more significant then Light was sure he would recall him. He was a very tall, fatherly man, with silver hair and a thick mustache.

Light soon learned that though he appeared kind and well mannered, the man knew how to play hard ball. Before he knew it Light was back in the hotel bed, drinking a glass of water and taking pills under the watchful gaze of the old man. He had taken his temperature with an ear thermometer and did other basic physical inspections, like testing his reflexes and shinning a light into his eye.

Light went along with it like a sheep, showing little resistance. He was too tired to object or fight it. The entire time Wallingford attended him and long after Ryuzaki stayed in front of the computer. Wallingford served him tea and a parade of sweet confections. Light could see this through door he told the old man to keep open.

The thought of how many sweets Ryuzaki consumed made Light's stomach flip. The raven haired man was so skinny, but the way he so casually ate cake after cookie after cake hinted that he ate like this all the time. Tea seemed to be the healthiest thing he consumed.

Ryuzaki was a very interesting fellow. What ever he was doing on the computer commanded his attention. The speed at which he typed brought Light to believe that he must be some sort of hacker, like him. Light briefly wondered if Ryuzaki might be M, as he always mused when he came across another hacker of skill. Usually he ruled them out by their skill level, but Ryuzaki's intelligence level would have kept him in the running if it hadn't been for his personality.

M overflowed with personality in their chats, but Ryuzaki didn't seem to be the type to act the way M did. Light was a pretty good judge of personality, ever in this confused and weakened state.

Light napped on and off for the rest of the day. Luckily Light didn't have any more nightmares. What ever Wallingford gave his made his sleep warm and fuzzy. The fever still burned, but not as strongly as before. A cold compress on his forehead helped with the headaches but he had an overall feeling of ickiness, for lack of better words.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The day slowly turned to night. Light was watching TV on the flat screen television hidden behind the cabinet doors of the dresser. He was watching the news, but not really paying attention. He hardly ever watched TV, and when he did it was always the news, but he got most of his news off the internet anyways.

According to a female reporter, Takada (who was known for being a supporter and fan of Kira), there had been a murder somewhere downtown. The police weren't releasing any information but there was a rumor that is was gruesome. As far as the news team knew the killer had not been found. Next there was a story about a politician who had been found linked to very sensitive documents. Takada went into detail on this story but Light zoned out.

A book was suddenly placed in his hands and Light looked up to see Ryuzaki standing next to his bed. If Light had to guess he'd put Ryuzaki at the age of twenty-six

"You seemed bored. I take it you're not very into watching shows. Here is a book to read, if you want."

Light looked at the book. It was one of his favorites.

"Thanks." He said.

"Have you read it before?" Ryuzaki asked.

"Yes. It is actually one of my favorites. God, I haven't read this in a long time. The last time I read it I…" Light topped. The last time he had read it was when he had visited another bookstore, saw the book there, and purchased it even though he had another copy. It had been on the anniversary of his parent's deaths a few years ago.

Today was the anniversary, too. He had forgotten. Shame filled him and he pushed the book away and sank into the sheets of the bed and turned away from Ryuzaki.

"On second thought, I'm not feeling well enough to read. Thanks for the consideration."

Light waited for the sounds of Ryuzaki walking away but heard none. He felt the man staring at him. He could practically feel the other man judging him, which drove him crazy.

"What do you want?" Light turned towards Ryuzaki, his eyes now hard.

"Just wondering. I think we both know that you condition has changed within the last few minutes. I think its time we discuss how you got on that bridge."

"I'd rather not." Light crossed his arms, annoyed. He did not wish to speak about it and he knew Ryuzaki already knew he didn't.

"I'm afraid you must. I would never release a suicidal man back into the world, where he will just off himself, undoing all my hard work." There was humor in his voice.

"I'd be sorry to put such a mark on your record. There is no need to worry. That was a one time thing, probably caused a fever. Thank you for pulling me back." L

"You are not getting off that easy. The fever could be the final straw but when the happiest man in the world gets a fever he doesn't find himself about to jump to death off a man-made structure."

"I can only assume you have some ideas yourself as to why. Let's hear them."

"Well, you are a young college age student. Perhaps you have student loan debt or credit debt that has gotten way out of hand." Ryuzaki walked over to one of the plush chairs and sat in it the weird way he had sat on the couch earlier.

"No. I never went to university. I only have a high school education." Light admitted.

"I find that surprising," Ryuzaki stated. "You strike me as the type to pursue a higher education."

"I'm a victim of circumstance. The dice was not cast in my favor."

"Do you have any desire to continue your education?"

"Someday, maybe. Are we going to continue to discuss my education level or shall we return to your original agenda?" Light smirked. This conversation was the most stimulating one he has had in awhile.

"If you insist, though I find any facts I can get off of you helpful to that cause. What was the circumstance that prevented you from going to university?" Ryuzaki asked.

"My parents died in a car crash my final high school year." Light lied, a lie he had told many times before.

Ryuzaki blinked, a possible show of emotion. "I'm sorry. Could this loss be one of you suicidal motives?"

"I learned to accept my parents were dead already. I miss, as anyone would, but not enough to join them."

"I see. Maybe it is because of a fresher personal relationship. You seem to me to be a heartthrob. Break up with any girlfriends lately, or something to that nature?" Ryuzaki sounded a bit bored at this point.

"No. I don't really date. I don't have much desire to get female attention, really." It was true. Girls often hung out at the bookstore hoping he'd ask them out. He never did. Most girls seemed so airheaded.

Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Then should I say break up with any boyfriends lately?"

"Ha ha. As I said I don't date. No bad relationships played a role in my fever-crazed stupidity." Light sat up and lifted his arms up to stretch his back.

"My next theory is more dark. There is a chance you are a criminal, recanting for a crime, or crimes, you committed. You couldn't live with the guilt. Embezzlement to murder. You tell me." Ryuzaki now stared at him with piercing black eyes. Light felt the man was very driven by justice.

"I'm afraid that is not the reason, either. Though if it was, would I admit it? I won't saw I am fully moral; everyone breaks the law in little ways. You can't say you have never jay-walked."

"So you have committed crimes?"

"Oh, Ryuzaki, I thought we were discussing my attempted suicide. Dragging me once more away from the topic?"

"'I apologize. But if you did commit any crimes, you are safe to confide them with me." Ryuzaki bit his thumb, studying Light to see if he would actually do such a thing.

Light laughed. "You, a complete stranger to me? Well I guess not a complete stranger. But I still have only known you for less then twenty-four hours. I have no idea who you are or who you could be."

"Wise decision. Shall we return to the original topic?"

"If you must. I am getting tired, so can you wrap this up soon?" It was true. Light was dead tired. While this conversation was interesting, he couldn't keep it up much longer.

"I have many other theories, but I think the only way to get you to tell the truth would be to interrogate you for hours until you break." It was Light's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Of course," Ryuzaki continued, "I would never treat a guest in that fashion."

"Does this mean that you give up?" Light asked, settling back down into the bed.

"I never give up." Ryuzaki replied.

The truth of that statement was greater then Light knew. They sat in silence for a few moments as the conversation lulled. Light decided to break the silence and ask something that had been bugging him.

"This is your hotel room right? I noticed there was only one bedroom and one bed, which I am in. Where did you sleep last night?"

Ryuzaki smiled. "I didn't sleep last night. I hardly ever sleep. I have severe insomnia."

That made sense to Light. Ryuzaki did have huge bags underneath his eyes. They seemed to be permanent on his face. He looked almost like a panda. One anyone else it would be extremely unattractive but on Ryuzaki it… well it suited him was a s far as Light was willing to admit.

"Perhaps it is from all the sugar I couldn't help but notice you consumed while I was here. If you eat like that everyday it's a wonder that you are not fat or diabetic."

"I do eat like that everyday, but as you see I am not fat. I burn every calories I intake."

"How? Vigorous work outs?" Light taunted.

"Occasionally. But mainly with my brain. I am incredibly smart, so my brain burns more calories then the average brain." Ryuzaki said matter-of-factly.

A wide smile cracked on Light's face. "If that's what you say. For your own good I hope Wallingford injects each and every cake with carrot juice for your own benefit."

"Then I would turn orange." Ryuzaki blinked.

"Couldn't hurt to get some color. Now get out. I need my rest, and you won't let me leave this hotel, so you leave my room." Light picked up an extra pillow and threw it at Ryuzaki.

Ryuzaki moved quickly and caught it before it made contact with his face. Light turned his back to him before he could see more of a reaction. He heard the pillow being placed on a chair and the sounds of Ryuzaki leaving. Light was surprised to find himself a little lonely once he left.

**My dear reader, you just read my chapter. I thank you. A super special awesome thanks to everyone who reviewed! Don't be afraid to review again! And those who haven't reviewed, please feel free to do so! My ego is inflated, and the larger it gets the faster I write! Reviews help it grow!**

**Don't think of it as enabling a megalomaniac, but as complimenting a modern pretentious writer that need constant validation from society or one's peers. **

**Ha.**

**This story is currently in my head and has taken over most of my day dreams. I already know how it is going to end and yadda yadda, I just need to write it all down. I would give you guys hints of what is to come, but I don't want to spoil any surprises! I hope I got the Light and L banter down right. x.x**

**To be clear, neither Light or Whammy/Watari/Wallingford recognize each other, and Watari didn't look to deep into Light Yagami's death, because, sure, he feels guilty but he has no reason to believe Light faked his death and is living under an alias. **


	8. Flirting Love

**Chapter Eight**

**Flirting Love ;D**

Light stayed at Ryuzaki's hotel room for a total of three days. His fever spiked again the second night, so his departure was delayed. Despite sharing the hotel suite, Light and Ryuzaki talked little more, due to Ryuzaki's work and Light's varying condition. On that last day Light insisted he was better and could leave, and Ryuzaki yielded. He may have put up more of a fuss but what ever he was working on commanded his attention.

Wallingford gave Light some pills to take and advised him to take it easy for the next few days and to never do something as stupid as stay uncovered in the rain for hour. Light promised he would listen to Wallingford's advice.

He got his own clothes back, washed and pressed. He was glad to change out of the ill-fitting white long shirt and jeans combo, feeling much more comfortable in a button up shirt and slacks. He had to admit he felt weird wearing the same clothes as Ryuzaki.

He was sad he didn't get to have another good conversation with his, err, host. As he left he wished Ryuzaki goodbye but all he got was a small goodbye and a wave acknowledging his departure. Light felt a little miffed, but he couldn't really ask anything more from the man who saved his life.

More then anything he was glad to get out of there and close the book on this chapter of his life. He didn't want to relive the experience of being an open book to a complete stranger, or anyone, ever again. The anniversary was over and he was free for a year.

It was time to get back to his life. Upon arriving home the first thing he did was call work and apologized for not showing up. He was quickly forgiven by his boss and told to resume his normal work schedule. Light was happy that it worked out so smoothly, but a little frustrated about how easy it was to get away with everything.

The second thing he did was fire up his computers and catch up on local news, from public to police. The level of crime in Tokyo was at the same level as it always had been, but there was a murder that caught Light's interest. He remembered vaguely hearing it on the news while at the hotel. According to the police report the victim had been stabbed with a large knife multiple times until the body was mutilated. The picture provided was very graphic. The appendages and face were without knife wounds, but there was twin bruising on the arms, leading speculation that there was more of a confrontation between the victim and the killer before the knife was pulled. The victim was a foreign teenage boy named Luke Adams, who went to a local high school. His father worked here on business. No suspects currently.

Things like this disgusted Light. How could people like this exist in the world? This is why Light got into this crime solving lifestyle, to bring justice to people who so blatantly disrespect life, rules, and human rights and try to play god with those around them.

This case was going to be very high profile. It would get lots of attention from the press once more information was released. Light felt Kira didn't need to be on the case with all the extra attention the police were sure to give it.

Something that deserved Kira's attention more was suspicions of a smuggling ring at the docks. Light took notes and made plans to check it out. More important cases tempted Light, but he knew while he had many resources, he was limited as a solo operator. Sure he had helped crack some big ones, but he only got involved if he knew something he was sure the police didn't, or if the case was stuck and needed a push. Kira mainly brought justice to cases that were small and didn't receive the attention they deserved, and looked up on tips and clues the police often didn't have time to check.

Kira often didn't receive any credit for solving the smaller cases, but that didn't bother Light. Everyone was entitled to justice. Everyone deserved that peace when justice was wrought on their wrongdoers.

Light did more Kira work and before he knew it he had to get to work at the bookstore. He didn't particularly enjoy the work, but the discount on books was nice. And if he had to do work to pay the bills and keep up appearances, this job was one of the best jobs he could get.

Reluctant to leave his Kira work, Light managed to drag himself away from the computer screen and over to the fridge for a quick bite to eat before leaving. The fridge was bare. A lone carrot sat on the bottom self and a half empty gallon of milk occupied the main self. With a sigh he closed the fridge and grabbed a power bar from the pantry. Deeming it satisfactory Light began eating it and left with his work apron slung over his shoulder.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Several days had gone by since Light's time in the hotel. It was night. Two or three daring stars shone in the clear dark sky above, the rest hidden due to light pollution. Tokyo wasn't asleep, but the docks were silent. There were still a few hours before the first fishermen were expected to arrive.

For now the docks were basically deserted, or at least it was supposed to be. If everything was the way it was supposed to be Light would be out of a job. He was wearing all dark colors, including a sweatshirt with the hood pulled up, hiding his brown hair and casting a shadow on his face.

He was silently stalking a lone figure that walked with a purpose. Light's target was a middle aged fisherman that walked wearily, as if he was a good child that knew he was doing something wrong.

Light suspected this man would lead him to the warehouse in which the smuggling took place, and often his suspicions turned out to be true. This time they did not fail him. The man, after looking around to see if he was being followed, entered a small side door of a pier.

According to the map Light memorized before coming here, it was Pier 54.

It was now time to see what was going on inside. Light approach the building, a ways down from the little door the man had gone through. Here a few shipping crates sat around, resting up against the pier. Light jumped with a running start and managed to grab the top edge of one of them. He pulled himself up and stood up on top of it. A quick survey of the building told him how to get in. Light leaped to a small ledge that ran below the line of second story windows and grabbed onto piping that ran vertically down the building. He steadied himself and then began slowly scooting his way towards a fire escape. Once close enough Light worked his way onto the fire escape and climbed it until he got to a broken window. The glass had a hole big enough in it that Light could reach in and unlatch it and get through.

He found himself on a small catwalk that circled the main room. A office was accessible by the catwalk and probably belonged to the foreman. Everything was dark but one corner of the warehouse that was lit up and teeming with activity. Light stayed low and pressed up against the wall and, as quietly as possible, made his way to that corner.

From his perch above he saw six men standing in a circle around several small wooden crates. One man was bent over one of the crates. He had a crow bar and wrenched off the top, revealing a pile of fire arms. The men spoke in low voices and Light couldn't discern what they were saying. He pulled out his camera from his sweatshirt pocket and tried to see if he could get any good pictures.

He zoomed in first on the contents of the crate, and then tried to get a close up of every man's face. It was hard since most were at a bad angle with shadows obscuring their faces, but at least two faces were clear. Light snapped a few more photos before the men started to move around. One man seemed to be directing them all. He directed the other men to move the crates full of guns to a certain part of the warehouse and then took off. The other men staggered their departure times until only one man was left.

The last man, who was the one Light had originally followed to the pier, started to climb that stairs to the level Light was on. Light moved as silently as possible back to the window he came through. Before he could get there the man had already made it to the top of the stairs.

Light froze, hoping the shadow would conceal him. He was in luck for the man, instead of walking towards Light, turned the other way and headed to the small office. Light waited until he got far enough away before slipping back through the window and stealing into the night.

Light went straight back to his apartment. He sorted through and printed the picture evidence he had, and then wrote a letter explaining what he saw and who he suspected to be involved, and all the other details and theories he had amounted these past few days of research. It took the whole night, and as he worked, he thought of nothing else.

Carefully he placed all the parts into a large envelope and sealed it tightly. As always he was careful not to get any traces of his DNA or fingerprints on the envelope.

The next day on his way to work Light went out of his way to a random mailbox and slipped the envelope in. Satisfied with his work he prepared for another tedious shift.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The whole ordeal with Light Akino was an exciting change of pace for L. He rarely interacted directly with people outside of Watari and his successors. And to this day he had never met someone who could carry out such a captivating clever conversation with him. Light had even managed to keep a secret what he wanted to keep a secret, despite L's curiosity and attempts to make him trip up.

If he had it his way he would have his new toy stay up all night so he could play with it to his desire, like his sugar cube tower. Sadly Light's body functioned like most human's bodies, and he had to get a certain amount of sleep on a regular daily cycle. Even worse he was ill, so he had to get even more sleep, and when he was awake he wasn't always in playing condition.

L sometimes felt things never went his way.

Luckily other parts of L's world went into motion and L jumped into action. An officer he had surveying the suspected famous art thief made a false step, reviving the case from the boring stalemate it had been in for the past few days.

The case got very exciting, so L invested himself completely into solving it, following his suspect's every move and devouring every clue that was sent his way. Before long he had enough evidence to convict his thief, but he kept the game in play to recover stolen and forged art pieces and to catch any of the other major players that kept this illegal fake art ring going.

When the time came to arrest the thief, the man put up an impressive chase. Years of sneaking into and out of private residences and museums aided his flight, but he worked mainly at night and preyed on the unsuspecting. It was a little disappointing to L how easily the man was caught and how easily L could watch his escape attempt from his hotel base, but L was used to seeing people like him make such mistakes.

After the case was closed and the paperwork filed (both the public, Japanese police, and L's own personal records) L realized he was all alone in the hotel room.

Light had left two days ago. L had forgotten about him in the puzzle-solving fun of his current case. He remembered Light leaving, but he had dismissed it at the time to focus on the case.

L was greatly disappointed. Sure the case had stolen his attention, but Light interested L in a way he had never really be interested in before. With a frown L got a few sugary snacks and ate as he decided what to do with himself.

He spent some time looking through cases but nothing seemed too interesting. The only case that did seem a bit interesting was under tight control of the Japanese police, and he didn't feel in the mood to be diplomatically intrusive. He sorted the cases into 'no' and 'maybe' piles lazily. As he did so he strummed his fingers on the table and constantly shifted position.

L soon tired of that and began playing with sugar cubes. He managed to construct a rather expansive pyramid before that also began to bore him. Whatever L tried to do to entertain him self, nothing kept his attention. He found his mind constantly thinking about that brunette.

This was going to be a problem. How should the three greatest detectives in the world go about fixing this problem of a distraction blocking his ability to work?

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Light was in the back sorting boxes of books. He had to deal with the new arrivals. The new books needed to be integrated on to the shelves, and the extras needed to be organized with the rest of the extra copies in the back alphabetically, which would require some heavy lifting. Light always ended up with this job, being one of the few males on staff and that it didn't involve teamwork or customer interactions.

The good part about this is he always knew what they had in stock. He made a mental list of what he planned to read later.

Reading was the only thing he had left of his life before. He had always loved to read and he always would. When he got really into a book he could almost forget who he was. Almost.

Later Light was behind the check out desk. It was a slow day, only a few customers were browsing the shelves and digging through the clearance bin. Two of them were some of his fan girls, high school aged girls who admired him. He caught them steeling glances at him and giggling behind book shelves. It was all really annoying, but if it got those girls into a book store and to read, he'd bare with it.

Today the two seemed to be debating something quietly to themselves. One of them, the shorter of the two, stepped away from the other, took a deep breath, and then turned towards Light and began marching confidently towards him.

Oh joy. Another confession to sidestep. Light tried to ignore her as she approached by pretending to sort a stack of papers he had already sorted.

Before the girl could make it all the way to the register the bell for the door jingled. The girl froze and Light watched as her face turned red as a cherry and she turned around quickly and scrambled back to her friend. Sighing, Light turned to the door to welcome the newest customer, as was policy.

"Welcome!" Light called out in his polite, cheery voice, but he froze instantly when he saw who it was.

Ryuzaki stood in the doorway with a smirk on his face. He stood with a slight slouch and his hands in his back pockets. He was wearing the same clothes he had worn the entire time Light was in his hotel room. Baggy blue jeans and a loose long-sleeve white shirt. Maybe they weren't the exact same pair, since Light had also sported those clothes while his own clothes were cleaned, but it still put Light off that someone wore the same outfit day after day.

This man had seen him at his weakest, a fact Light was not too fond of. He had already made peace with this matter and hoped he would never face it again, but fate was not smiling fondly on him today. Not that he believed in fate. Despite himself, part of Light had wanted to see Ryuzaki again for an unknown reason. Light wiped away all traces of surprise on his face and put on a calm, collected face.

Ryuzaki waltzed up to Light and stopped on the other side of the desk.

"What are you doing here?" Light asked.

Ryuzaki stared at him with those disconcerting black eyes and replied, "No reason in particular. Just wanted to buy this." He picked up a teddy bear pen from a box full of animal pens and placed it on the counter in between them.

"I seriously doubt that. Why are you here?"

"So rude to your customers? I am appalled. How you keep this job astounds me." Ryuzaki mocked Light.

** "**Cut the crap. I'm working right now. Why are you here?" Light asked.

"I honestly want this pen. Look how cute the bear is." Ryuzaki replied, holding it up for Light to see.

"We both know you didn't come for that pen. It can be bought in any store from here to Nagasaki."

"Fine, I didn't. But now I am genuinely interested in it." Ryuzaki insisted.

"Okay then. May I please see it?" Light asked politely. He took it and scanned it. "One dollar and forty-five cents, please."

Ryuzaki flashed him a smile before digging a bill from his jean pocket. It was a crumpled fifty. He dropped it into Light's outstretched hand, oblivious to Light's annoyance at him paying for something so cheap with such a large bill.

"You handed me a fifty. Your change is forty-eight dollars and fifty-five cents." Light put away the fifty in the cash box and was counting out Ryuzaki's change.

"I see you made a full recovery," Ryuzaki said. "I'm glad to know that. I was worried about your well being. After all, you did try to kill yourself."

Light paused and looked up at the raven-haired man, narrowing his eyes.

"I did not try to kill myself."

"That is what you said before, and I see you are sticking with it. Tell me, what exactly were you doing on that bridge?"

"I will not discuss this matter with you at my place of work." Light said flatly, handing the change to Ryuzaki. When he put it in his hands their hands brushed together briefly. Ryuzaki's hand was warm and it sent sparks up Light's arm. He quickly withdrew his hand and frowned, not liking the unexpected.

"How about we discuss it over dinner?" The raven-haired man suggested.

"Dinner?" Light repeated, surprised.

"You owe me for taking care of you while you were sick. I would ask for financial compensation, but I don't need the money and you probably can't afford it and I did find conversing with you to be rather interesting."

Light thought about it. He did enjoy the older man's company, but at the same time he hated it. Light didn't think about repaying for his stay with Ryuzaki in his hotel room and all the care he received from Wallington. No one had mentioned it while he was there. He knew that it was costly, since he received medical care and technically shared the room with the raven-haired man (and it was a pricey hotel). Light was not poor, but he didn't really have the money to pay. Ryuzaki seemed to be the unpredictable type, so if Light refused he may call up his debt.

All that, and the man was not that bad on the eyes.

"Dinner it is." Light confirmed. Ryuzaki flashed him a smile once more and turned and began walking out.

He reached the door and turned back and glanced lazily at the two high school girls who had been watching the whole exchange. He gave them a smile as well and then called out to Light across the store.

"Le Sorelle. Seven. Tonight. Wear something pretty." Light raised an eyebrow as the ravenette waved and went out the door as a squeal rose from the fan girls.

**And that's it for this chapter.**

**I apologize if this chapter is weird. I have trouble writing happier things and dialogue. And I apologize for the gaps I have in writing. Life is chaotic since I just graduated high school and am leaving for college already in less then a month. That and writers block since I have trouble getting out exactly what I want.**

**That and ideas for other stories, original and fanfictions also keep popping into my head and they trap me in their worlds. I will promise you this, I will finish this story. I swear on the life of my elder kitty. Extreme, I know, but I am a person who always finishes things eventually. **

**MONEY! I am using American dollars as the currency because I don't have the intelligence or the will to look up and translate everything into yen. I don't think actual amounts will come up often, if ever again.**

**Oh! And my computer got fixed. Not that it was broken but my right and left click were stuck and it took forever to get an air canister to blow the air away because I have been busy and my dad, my IT guy, was on a three week business trip when this all happened.**

**I thank you all for the reviews! They mean so much to me! You guys are probably the inspiration for today's future writers. Writing fanfictions is so freeing. I can escape into a world not my own and play with characters, story lines already in existence with a fan base willing to read what I write.**

**And once again I apologize for chapter names and the title it's self. **

**What did the green grape say to the purple grape? **

**Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!**


	9. Flickering Love

**Chapter Nine**

**Flickering Love**

Dinner was interesting. If Light had to choose a word to describe the night, it would defiantly be interesting. Unexpected would be another word. Light could never have anticipated how the night would go.

At exactly fifteen minutes until six, Light had showed up at the Italian restaurant Le Sorelle in his black slacks and a red long-sleeve button-up shirt. He had a minor dilemma earlier whether or not he should where a tie, but since he was in a rush he decided to go with it, but standing here he felt overdressed.

This is exactly why Light hated social situations. The added anxiety over fitting into the expected social norms was one more emotion he did not need in his life. He was a bit early, but hopefully this would give him time to assess the location before that... man… arrived and poked and prodded at him.

Fate was once again not his friend as he walked in and discovered Ryuzaki was already there, standing near the maitre d's podium, waiting casually in his trademark blue jeans and white long-sleeve shirt.

Light was annoyed. Why had he been told to dress up when Ryuzaki made no effort at all? It didn't even look like he had tried to brush his hair. Ryuzaki noticed him and flashed him a grin.

"I thought you had said to dress nicely." Light grumbled.

"I said for you to wear something pretty. I said nothing about me dressing nicely. I need you to be up to dress code for this restaurant." Light looked around and confirmed that this was true. Women were in dresses and men were in business casual, at the least. Everyone but Ryuzaki.

"You're not up to code."

"I'm too cool to conform." Ryuzaki teased before turning to the podium and checking in for the reservation he had made. The maitre d' at first had a look of disapproval and his clothes, but it quickly went away as he realized who Ryuzaki was. He led them personally to a table in a secluded part of the restaurant then left them alone to go over the menu.

After ordering drinks (scotch on the rocks of Light and a chocolate milkshake for Ryuzaki) Light glanced over the menu and felt extremely out of his element. The menu was all very Italian foods, and Light had never had any Italian before. He never found the time or had the will to allow himself the luxury of fancy foreign foods.

As a child he had imagined traveling the world and being more globalized and worldly when he grew up, but that was before…

Ryuzaki picked up on his distress and casually suggested a spaghetti dish, to which Light pretended to consider and accept, instead of showing how grateful he was from being saved from unknown territory. Then, much to Light's horror, when the waiter came over Ryuzaki ordered the entire dessert menu twice over ordering a main dish for himself.

The waiter left them in an uncomfortable silence that Ryuzaki wasted no time breaking. Light feared once the conversation started his personal life would be pried into again, but to his relief Ryuzaki instead launched them into a conversation about what became everything else.

Few topics were left untouched. International politics, causes of World War II, well known authors, the holy roman empire, etc. Light had no idea how they got to discussing Rome's rise and fall, but he revealed every minute of it. Dinner flew by, and beyond a few cringes at the amounts of sugar the raven-haired man consumed it was conflict free.

When the plates had long been cleared and the candles had melted down almost to their deaths the two men left. Light had tried to pay, by Ryuzaki denied him, saying his company alone was payment.

Light had a few drinks in him and felt loser then he had in awhile. The conversation, though intelligent and challenging, flowed easily between them as the two geniuses connected.

They went for a walk but eventually found the bright light and activity of Tokyo too much, so they wounded up in Ryuzaki's hotel suite again. They talked and talked late into the night until eventually they fell into a comfortable silence. Light felt very content, his mind blank.

Ryuzaki's mind was not as clear. He watched Light as the younger man leaned back in the couch with his eyes closed, the way he had watched him all night. He thought about the brilliant mind in front of him that was being wasted in a starting position in a sad little bookstore. He thought about the mystery of it all. How carefully composed the brunette was, and how few tells he could pull away from the man even though he had spent a whole evening face to face with the man. And he couldn't help but have it cross over his mind how beautiful Light was.

Light opened his eyes and caught Ryuzaki's gaze. The mindfuck of a man drew him in, and they found themselves getting closer and closer.

Then in a crazy moment of thoughtlessness Light closed the distance and kissed him.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX xXxXxXx

Waking up was a groggy and terrible thing. It left L in a limbo between full consciousness and disorientation. L hated the feeling of an unclear mind that sleep bestowed on him when ever it managed to pull him into its clutches.

As he gained his bearings, he remembered last night's activities, which at first brought a smirk to his face, but it quickly faded into a scowl. Sleep was the bane of his existence. He fought it with all his might. And worse he had fallen asleep in the presence of another, leaving himself vulnerable.

Light was a mystery, unreliable. Damn him.

L rolled over quickly to see if he was still there but found himself alone on the bed. He sat up and looked around the room. His pants and shirt lay abandoned on the floor, thrown down there in the heat of the moment.

Signs of Light were no where to be seen. His clothes were gone, just like him. Frustrated, L got out of bed and searched for a clean pair of clothes.

Watari was already in the small kitchen area, preparing tea, when L walked out of the bedroom, fully dressed.

"Good morning Ryuzaki." Watari greeted him, using the establishes alias.

"Wallingford." L replied stiffly.

"He left early this morning. He didn't want to wake you."

L stayed silent.

Watari watched his charge calmly, pouring tea into cups. "You know you were never in any danger. Sleeping is human."

"I don't want to be human." L retorted.

"Sorry this inconveniences you, but you are. And you were never in any danger. We ran a background check, and he was clean. Everything checked out."

"It's not that hard to fake a clean file. I created many fake solid, well-connected aliases in my life, quite a few of which you yourself could not detect."

Watari gave him a stern look. "Not everyone is trying to deceive you."

"The majority of whom I meet are." L picked up a cup and took a sip.

"I feel like you can trust Light. Or don't trust him. But I think you could use the company. You rarely talk to anyone other then me casually." He worried.

"That's not true. My successors…"

"Teasing and insulting your successors doesn't count." Watari shot down L's self-defense.

They fell into a silence, L pouting childishly at Watari's words.

"You know… he hasn't been taking the medicine I gave him. Nor has he been 'taking it easy'." Watari broke the silence.

L nodded. He had also noticed.

"I'm not telling you to do anything. I just think it would be good for you."

L took another sip. He would consider Watari's advice later. Right now he felt like solving cases.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX x

Two days later L was on a roll. He had solved a record number of small cases, thanks to the return of his concentration. Several big cases had come his way, but none of them were interesting enough. They were cases that could be solved by lower detectives. They needed their time to shine. Besides, L didn't want to be entangled in another case if a better case appeared.

There was one case that L had been keeping an eye on. It had started with one killing. It was gory and sick; multiple stabbed wounds, all to the torso.

The victim had been a foreign national, which at first lead the investigation to believe it was a hate crime. The economy was rough, and job competition was fierce, making the usual Japanese stance towards foreign immigrants (which was bad to begin with) tenser. But that theory didn't fly with L because the victim was a teenager, a student, unemployed.

The victim, Luke Adams, had not been mugged. His wallet and ID were found next to the body; his backpack at the entrance of the alley where his body was found. It was assumed it had be dropped there in the victim's attempt to get away.

Another killing occurred on the opposite side of town several days later. This one also happened at night and the victim had the same injuries. Multiple stab wounds, enough to disfigure the torso, identical to the first. This victim was a Japanese national. Izaya Monoke, a twenty-two year old NEET. It appeared he had been on an outside on a food run. A grocery bag full of ramen and junk food was dropped next to the body, the receipt in his back pocket. The food had been trampled, by either the killer or the NEET.

The third killing had officially gotten L's interest. This victim was a middle-aged woman. Gouki Anahara, a mother of two and wife. She had been returning from a night out with friends when she was killed. Same injuries as the first two. Once again no known connections between this victim and the previous ones.

Looks like Tokyo had a new serial killer on its hands.

L decided to take the case on. He sent Watari to the NPA and was about to have a private meeting with the lead detectives on the case. Via computer, of course. Only an extreme case would make him reveal his face. A situation that has yet to happen.

From the camera installed in the meeting room Watari had secured L watched his disguised companion and several Japanese men entered.

Watari place the laptop on the table, facing the men now sitting on chairs and a couch, and opened it up revealing a white screen void of anything but his trademark ornate L.

"Chief Aizawa, Deputy Matsuda. Detectives Mogi, Ide and Ukita. Welcome." L's voice came out of the laptop in a computerized voice. "I am briefed with the basics of the case. Please tell me any important information your team has uncovered."

"Well," Deputy Matsuda began, "All the victims died within day of each other, one on a weekend, the others weekdays. All attacks happened at night in areas close the victims' home. The times of night vary, but within the time span of 11:00 pm to 3:00 am. All had stab wounds to the torso, mainly in the chest area. The number of stab wounds for each victim is undeterminable as the bodies had… had been severely mu-mutilated."

The deputy had a troubled face in. It was obviously he was sickened by the fact that a human could do this top another. There was something to his face that showed this was not the first time dealing with a case like this. Good. Since he is deputy he can probably suck it up and not get too emotional.

Matsuda continued. "We have come to the conclusion that all the attacks were done by the same person using the same or a similar weapon. A serial killer.."

"I have already come to that conclusion," L interrupted, "And I believe the murderer will strike again. Do you have any suspects?"

"No. We have no real suspects. We found no one connected to all the victims so far, and beyond that there has been no witnesses of any of the attacks or of any suspicious figures in the areas before, during, and after the attacks, beyond claims of seeing Kira, but that is no more useful then a demon sighting." Aizawa said.

"Kira?" L questioned.

"He is kind of an urban legend in Tokyo these days. We have been receiving tips and evidence from a mysterious source for the past few years that has helped use solve quite a few cases. People say Kira is behind it, a guardian angel of sorts the people say that walks the streets and keeps the public safe. We get Kira sightings reported all the time, most of which end up inconclusive or a case of mistaken identity."

"Interesting..." L lied. He could care less about a small fry vigilante at the moment, but he took the information and stored it in his mind in case he needed it for later. "Have you identified the murder weapon?"

"Not yet. We know it is a knife, roughly ten inches long. From what we can tell it is not a jagged blade, or a special knife at all. All the stab wounds are similar, but we do not know if it is all done by the same blade. No weapons have been discovered dumped anywhere near the attack areas."

"Send me all the reports and information you have. I believe I may be able to identify it before our next meeting. In the mean time, keep looking for a connection between the victims, and look into their backgrounds. They may have been chosen randomly, but I have a feeling they were all each chosen for a reason." L concluded. "I also suggest you increase police presence on the streets. We can't anticipate where the next attack will happen, but I know it will be soon and I am certain it will happen again."

**Thank you for reading my latest chapter and my story as a whole so far! I'm sorry it has been so long since my last update. Life, you know. Started college, moved to a dorm, got a roommate, and have early classes. **

**That, and my classic having trouble writing 'happy'. Don't fret; this story is still in my heart and my dreams, and soon to be on paper. Microsoft word. Whatever. And it has an ending. I just have to work my way there.**

**And a reminder, this story is rated M for the dark themes and violent stuff. Yeah.**

**Did you know I once shot an elephant in my pajamas? How he got in them, I'll never know.**


	10. Matching Love

**Chapter Ten**

**Matching Love**

Light leaned against a wall, his hood up and head down. He was listening, waiting, for the officers walking down the street to pass.

Lately there had been a rise in the number of police out at night. It was good and bad. More police meant less crime, less work for Light to distract himself with. But no amount of police could stop all crime. And while trained, they did not know where to look the way Light did.

Luckily they meant he'd have to worry less about muggings and the likes, and could focus more on case work. Solving the cases the police put aside or ones they were stumped on.

He held a phone in his hands, playing solitaire to seem less conspicuous. Just another young adult embracing the technology this generation was dependent on. Nothing more then a glance has given his way by the officers. Good.

Light flipped the phone closed and slipped it into his pocket, making sure it was on silent.

Silently he stalked away from the main street down a back alley. Music and voices came from a bar be passed. A few people hung outside. Quickly profiling them he deemed none of them a threat. One did seem like the tough guy type, but by his stance Light could assess that he was not as tough as his clothes claimed he was. They appeared to be waiting for a cab, judging by how the girl kept glancing down the street, looking bored.

Turning onto the next street, Light saw a stray cat run across the street. Its shadow was elongated by the street lamp. It stopped just before turning a corner to give him a look and a dismissing meow.

Cats were the animal Light respected the most. They were smart and clever. Useful when it came to pest control. They took care of themselves for the most part, have calm and collected demeanors, unlike dogs.

There was someone else on this street, but they kept their distance. Light studied them for a bit, feeling they were doing the same. The other person then quickly turned away and left. Odd, but not uncommon. This time of night was not the time of night people tried to make friends.

It was getting late, or early. The sun would in a few hours, so the streets would soon be dead until dawn, as dead as they ever get in Tokyo. Metropolises never sleep, but typically the vermin of the population tends to retire by now. Another night on the streets concluded.

Not much work had been done tonight. Not unexpected. Hit or miss was the way they went. If Light was more then one person he could accomplish so much more.

Finished, Light turned around and walked to his final destination for the night. It was a bit far to walk, but the subways and buses weren't running. Cabs were out of the question, and Light owned no bicycle. Walking was no issue. He walked everywhere. It kept him strong.

Walking this time, though, was a little annoying. He had gone further away then he intended, which meant he'd be late.

It took awhile, but he finally arrived to the hotel. He entered, giving a slight nod to the employee behind the desk. She looked up from their book and gave him a quick glance, then returned to her book.

Light headed straight to the elevator. Some floors up he got off and walked to one of the doors. He softly knocked on it, in respect for the other guests on the floor. The door opened almost immediately, revealing a blank-face Ryuzaki.

"You're late."

"I'm sorry." Light apologized. He slipped in and Ryuzaki shut the door behind him. Two wine glasses waited for them on the coffee table with an open wine bottle and a variety of cheeses. It all looked nice, but a little over done. Light could tell Ryuzaki rarely entertained.

They both sat on the couch and launched into a debate over nothing in particular. This was the third time they had gotten together since the first night. They haven't left the hotel like they did the first night. Mainly because they met at odd times in the night when no where but bars were open, but a lot because they couldn't be bothered. Both were more relaxed in private, and the conversation flowed more easily.

The wine flowed freely, and the bed was never far away. Each night started the same, long conversations over drinks and food, followed usually by some kissing then retiring to the bedroom for the night.

It was all very casual. Things started when Ryuzaki gave Light a call, reminding him he had at some point that night given Ryuzaki his number. He believed it was because Ryuzaki promised to give him a certain book that he couldn't find at the time.

Light, a little surprised, happily agreed to the invite. That time they had scheduled it late, for Ryuzaki had some previous engagements that would keep him busy awhile, but Light didn't mind, since it allowed him to do what he usually did each night.

Neither man reveal to the other what they were up to, Ryuzaki for sure knowing Light was not always working at the book store. They had an unspoken agreement not to dig to deep into the other's affairs, but that did not stop Ryuzaki from continuing his mission to figure out why Light was in that bridge.

Light would sometimes comply and answer a question here or there, sometimes truthfully, sometimes not. Ryuzaki would watch him with his cool, calculating eyes, not revealing if he believed the answers or not. It was a careful dance.

This was not an emotional tryst, just an escape from the tedium of what his life had become. Not that chasing bad guys was boring, but nothing was truly fulfilling.

Ryuzaki had beaten him in waking up each morning since the first time. Light wasn't sure if he even slept at all. Light on the other hand had been sleeping amazingly well. He still had a somewhat fitful sleep, his past plaguing his mind when his guard was down, but it was not bad enough to wake his and deprive him of the much needed rest. Anyways he felt fully refreshed each morning.

The feeling was familiar, comfortable. Reminiscent of his time spent with Yasuo…

At some point in the night the conversation turned to tennis.

"Do you play tennis?" Ryuzaki asked him.

"I suppose I do." Light answered coyly, leaning back into the cushioned chair he sat on.

"How well would you say you play?" Ryuzaki questioned, sitting up straight, biting his thumb.

"Not bad. Played a bit in middle school and some of high school…" Light shrugged, knowing he was being modest. He knew that Ryuzaki would see right through his words.

Ryuzaki abruptly pulled out his phone and dialed. They both sat still as it rang, Light watching Ryuzaki curiously. Someone soon picked up on the other end.

"Excuse me, This is the guest staying in the Sakura private suite. Can I have immediate access to the tennis court, some balls, and two racquets? As soon as possible." Ryuzaki demanded in his robotic tone.

"Really?" Light said, incredulously.

Ryuzaki ignored him, listening intently to his phone.

Light propped his head up with his elbow, waiting.

"Yes. Thank you," He confirmed. He flipped the phone closed and placed it back in his pocket and stood up. He gave Light a once over. "Are you fine playing in that, or do you want to borrow a change of clothes?"

"Seriously?" Light asked.

"Am I ever anything but one-hundred percent serious?" Ryuzaki retorted.

"But it's so late." He argued.

"So?"

"Does this hotel even have a court?"

"No. We are going to the Prime Minister's personal court. Highly exclusive. Only for the best and the brightest."

"See! You aren't serious all the time." The ravenette glowered at him.

Fake scowling back, Light let out a huff. Why the hell not?

"I guess I could use…" Light started, looking down at what he wore, tight jeans, hoodie, dress shirt and work shoes, "other pants and shoes." His undershirt should do fine.

Ryuzaki nodded and disappeared into the bedroom. A minute later he reappeared holding one of his infamous pairs of baggy jeans, and nothing else.

"More jeans?" Light remarked.

"I remember they were baggy enough on you that they shouldn't be a hindrance. Better then your own pair." Did this man really own no other kinds of clothes?

"No shoes?" He feared he already knew the answer.

"I do fine without." Ryuzaki replied, lifting his bare foot and wriggling his toes.

Light gave up. "Can I at least get a belt?"

"That request is doable." Ryuzaki returned to the bedroom and came back with a belt. The younger man got up and grabbed the jeans and belt from the older and brushed past him to go to the bathroom to change.

"No show?" Ryuzaki questioned.

"Go fuck yourself." Light elegantly responded, shutting the door.

He unbuttoned and slipped off the dress shirt, keeping on the white wife beater underneath, then kicked off his shoes and changed from his own to the baggier jeans. They were as uncomfortable as before, but the belt at least made things better. After a small debate in his head he decided to go sockless, since he might slip, but the thought of walking barefoot through a hotel and while playing was unpleasant.

When he came out Ryuzaki was already holding two tennis racquets in bags. Looks like the staff had already come and gone. Light couldn't help but notice how quick they were about it and how few words Ryuzaki had to say to make this all happen.

It was obvious Ryuzaki had a lot of money. The man didn't even seem to give spending it a second thought, and judging by the way the hotel employees and the restaurant did not hesitate in kissing his ass, they knew too.

Grabbing a racket from Ryuzaki he led the movement out of the suite to the court, falling back after going through the door to let Ryuzaki lead. After all he had no idea where the tennis court was.

He trudged after the man the rest of the way there, still a bit in disbelief that they were actually going to play. It was about three or four in the morning! Light new Ryuzaki's stubbornness, so he didn't bother trying to fight it anymore.

When they finally arrived to the tennis court they took out their racquets and did some stretches as they walked to opposite sides of the court. It was deserted except for them. Light couldn't help but think it was eerie but then laughed at himself, since he had been in plenty a scarier places alone.

Ryuzaki served first, hitting an easy one for Light to return. He hit an easy one back, and this went on for awhile, as they warmed up and tested each other's abilities. Then out of no where Light struck like lightning, making Ryuzaki miss.

Narrowing his eyes in Light's direction, Ryuzaki wordlessly went to get the ball. They started up a volley again, but Ryuzaki launched an attack of him own. Light was ready for him and almost effortlessly returned it. The battle officially began, as now with each swing they hit hard and fast, each trying to trip up the other.

As the points accumulated, they stayed neck in neck. As soon as one scored the other quickly closed the deal. It took all of Light's concentration. It has been so long since he has played with a partner, and longer since he played with someone who was a challenge.

A fatal mistake occurred and Light swung and missed, making Ryuzaki victorious.

Light blamed it on his shoeless feet and demanded a rematch. Ryuzaki couldn't refuse as Light picked up and served the ball his way immediately. The older man was not going to just let the younger win by forfeit.

They played two more games, Light winning each time. He suspected the second win was fake, but by this point he was exhausted and accepted the false victory in exchange for rest.

As soon as they got back to the room Light laid down on the couch and despite his half-hearted desire to shower off the sweat he fell asleep almost instantly.

The sleep was peaceful, utter exhaustion warding off all bad dreams. Sadly the wake up was not as pleasant.

He barely heard someone call out his name before toppling off the couch onto the ground. He opened his eyes to see the bored-looking Ryuzaki standing above him.

"You need to go." He stated, dropping a bundle of Light's clothes on top of him before walking away.

"Bastard," Light murmured sleepily before grabbing his jacket and pulling it on. Everything else he place into his bag before putting on his shoes and leaving with nothing more then an unanswered good-bye.

Ryuzaki seemed to be a man who got very involved in what ever work he did, and when he did it seemed his level of social grace went even lower then before, if possible. This is how the mornings had ended so far, but usually Light had the luck to wake up and eat a Wallingford breakfast before Ryuzaki's work began.

Outside the hotel Light hurried his pace to get home. Even though this was not technically a walk of shame (like the other morning had been more or less) he felt gross for not showering.

At home, a quick shower later, he was listening to the morning news as he reviewed his case notes. The police had taken his tip, and the illegal weapons drop had been successfully stopped, but Light knew he was just scraping at the surface of the illegal weapon ring. At least a few players were now arrested and out of the game and the drops impeded by the police watching the docks.

But there was a problem. The police were being drawn away from the docks at the moment as they were forced to patrol elsewhere as a futile attempt to prevent another gruesome murder.

The Kitchen Killer was now infamous. A serial killer who went around stabbing the shit out of people with a common kitchen knife. The person now had five killings attributed to him, despite all the police's effort to scare him off the streets.

Rumors were that the great detective L himself was on the case. Light had at first wondered why, but he understood when he saw that each victim was from a completely different background. And the most recent victim had been discovered by a reporter before the police, so now pictures flooded the internet and everyone knew how truly insane the killings were.

They said each body was found the same way with the same injuries, so seeing the absolutely torn up carcass of Yoko Harimushio brought to light just how serious this case was.

When Light first saw the pictures it gave him a horrible flashback. He was a kid again, drenched in the blood of his father as his mother stared at him as she drove the knife into his chest again and again…

Very few details were let out about this case and Light didn't dare go searching for more. L was on the case and would probably notice someone hacking into the case. Light was sure he could get away with it, but it was a risk not worth it.

He'd keep an eye out for the killer, but so far he'd seen nothing.

Takada's voice caught his attention when she mentioned the Kitchen Killer. He had struck again, bringing his total to six. A jogger had found it an hour ago, getting the shock of a lifetime. The body was found not too far from where Light had been last night. He mentally cursed at himself for not being more vigilant.

L better solve this shit soon…

Light switched off the tv and returned to his case notes, not wanting to hear anymore on the subject.

**You. Yes you. The one reading this author's note. Yes, I do mean you. Thanks for reading. It really means a lot to me. When ever I update I check constantly to see if I get views, follows, and reviews. Nothing makes me feel better. It makes me want to lean over to the stranger sitting next to me and say, "You know, I wrote a story and people, real people, on the internet like it."**

**Really, reviews make my day. **

**I'm trying to avoid writers block, like I had with the last chapter. Sorry about the long wait for that.**

…

**Why did the beaver not get involved in the rival beaver's business scandal?**

**Because he was minding his own dam business.**


	11. Saving Love

**Chapter Eleven**

**Saving Love**

A scream pierced the night, going for only a second before being suddenly cut off. Light froze in his tracks, looking around wildly to pinpoint the origin of the sound.

As he did he quickly pulled a bandana out of his pocket and wrapped it around his head like an American cowboy to hide his nose and mouth. That and a pulled up hood perfectly hid his identity.

He picked a direction and started jogging, unsure if it was the right way until he heard a shriek. Hearing that, he broke out into a sprint.

He kept running until he pasted an alley where some movement caught his eye. Three men were gathered around a girl, pushing her around between each other. She was yelping, as with each push she stumbled and barely stayed upright.

One of them pulled her close, her back to his chest, and tilted her chin up with one hand while the other wrapped around her arms and waist, trapping her. His eye roamed over her body hungrily, and the other men laughed and jeered as he crudely licked her neck. The girl whimpered, shaking in disgust.

Light had to act fast. He launched himself at the shorter of the two men watching, bringing the both of them crashing to the ground. Before the other two had anytime to react Light rolled back on to his feet and threw a punch the other watcher, making perfect contact with his jaw.

"Shit!" the man holding the girl, who seemed to be the leader, swore. He shoved the girl to the ground and approached Light, who was shaking his fist, trying to stay off the pain.

He man he had punched was still distracted, hunched over with his hand covering his mouth and groaning like a weakling, but the first man he had attacked was up and stood on the other side of Light, preventing Light from any attempts to run away.

They both closed in. Light bent down and kicked the leader in the chest, knocking him back several feet. The small man managed to grad him and gave him a few good punches to the midriff before Light broke free and pushed him away.

He was now surrounded by all three; the weakling had finally gotten over his first and only blow and the leader looking pissed. The girl was frozen in fear where she fell.

"What do you think you are doing?" The leader asked him. "You should just walk away right now, and for you it can be like nothing ever happened."

Light stared back at him, staying silent.

"Trust me, pal. Who do you think you are? This is none of your concern." He demanded. He had a neck vein that throbbed

Light straightened up and stood his ground.

The angry look on the leader's face melted off and was replaced by a smirk. "Your loss," He chuckled, cracking his knuckles and rolling his neck side to side.

_Very intimidating_…

The weakling lunged, out for revenge, swinging a punch at Light's jaw. Light grabbed his arm and pulled, directing the punch away and using the momentum to spin the weakling around and pushing him away. The small one then came flying at him. They crashed against a wall; Light's back taking the majority of the impact. He was paralyzed for a second, which gave the smaller man a window to punch him in the face.

The fist got Light right in the eye, and he crumpled over in pain. He recovered quickly, using the crumpled over position to catch the small man off-guard and jab him in the kidney. The small man stumbled backwards away from Light. He punched again in the guy's stomach and then again in the wind pipe.

The small man collapsed, gasping and coughing. Light moved himself now between the girl and the two others protectively, his right eye squeezed shut. They both converged on him. Light uppercut one with his elbow and spun and kicked the other with his heel. Not taking a chance to rest, he stroke with his knee.

A well placed right hook successfully scared the weakling. He ran over to small man and helped him up and together they ran off, leaving the leader alone. Light locked eyes with him and approached, his arms held up ready to strike.

The leader raised his fists, at first looking like he was going to stay and fight, but he slowly started to back up, then swore before turning tail and running. Light gave him a little chase to encourage his flight. Satisfied that he was not coming back Light went back to the alley to assist the girl.

She was sitting up now, shivering, looking uncomfortable and embarrassed. Light took the time to really look at her as he approached, not having the chance earlier. She had long blonde hair, partly styled up with two little pigtails and bangs. A tiny lacey black dress and black combat boots was all she had against to protect her against the cold. Light checked for any signs of injuries but saw none.

After checking his pockets he slipped off his jacket and wrapped it around her. She pulled it close, embracing the warmth. He helped her up by offering his hand which she took. He planned to lead her to a busy main road where it would be safe to leave her alone. He started walking away, knowing she'd follow and sure enough she did.

The hope that the walk would be silent shattered quickly.

"T-thank you." The girl said softly.

Light ignored her. The girl must have though he didn't hear, because once again she spoke, this time her voice louder and stronger.

"Thank you. You know what would have happened back there if you hadn't… you know."

Light just kept walking, not sparring her a single glance.

"Misa. That is Misa's name. What is yours?"

This girl just didn't learn.

Taking in his silence, she kept talking anyways. "It's ok. You don't have to tell Misa."

"Misa is a model. She was on her way home from a photo shoot, which is why she is so dressed up. Not that Misa doesn't always dress this cute, but this is a one of a kind Tsunada original. Misa guesses she must have forgotten her coat at the shoot site and she got lost. Misa had tried to ask them for directions but they had other ideas and they wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Misa is not always this stupid," She explained. "It's just that recently things haven't been going well. Misa shouldn't have done this photo shoot today. One of the other models at her agency had landed the role but she…"

Misa stopped walking and wrapped her arms together behind her back.

"She was killed. By the Kitchen Killer."

Light stopped too and turned to face her. They were several strides apart. He expected her to be staring nervously at the ground but was surprised to see her eyes burning into his.

"Yoko Hari. That was her star name. Real last name Harimushio. The sixth victim. She was Misa's good friend. Maybe even Misa's best friend." Her tone was earnest.

"Misa bets you are wondering why she tells you this." She stepped towards Light. "Misa knows who you are." Light tensed.

"Kira. You have to be. Kira, the angel who looks over us all." She stated. '

Light stayed silent.

"You have to be. Who else would save Misa like that? As Misa was being attacked she prayed you would show and you did. Misa is eternally thankful to you. You may not know it but you have already saved Misa once before. You provided the clues to put the murderer who killed Misa's family behind bars for good. They had caught him and were going to let him go due to lack of evidence. Where is the justice in that?" She exclaimed. "My mother and father and little brother…"

Light remembered. He had read the newspaper article and the police report, and knew they had failed to look in a seemingly obvious place for the murder weapon. It had been simple, just sending a letter to the police, telling them where to look. He knew he had brought justice for the surviving daughter, but confronting someone he had helped was new. Overwhelming. Tears welled in her eyes as signs of gratitude.

"Misa wants to help you. Misa is eternally in your debt. Please, let Misa help."

Light turned back around and walked fast. She followed, jogging to keep up.

"Wait!" Misa called out. "Misa will do anything you say!"

He kept speed walking until they finally arrived at a semi-busy street. Cars zoomed up and down the rode and people scurried from wherever they were to wherever they needed or wanted to be.

He stopped and waited for Misa to catch up. When she did he grabbed her arm and pulled her close, trying not to be rough. In a low voice he said, "There is nothing you can do. You never saw me. This never happened."

He let her go and left her where she stood dejectedly on the sidewalk. He crossed the street and didn't look back even once.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Light was late again. He felt guilty, knowing how much it bothered Ryuzaki, but he had to take a major detour across the city in case that girl, Misa, tried to track him.

He was pretty sure she didn't try to follow but her strange devotion to Kira unnerved him. This was not what he wanted. Kira was not a figure he intended for others to worship. Kira was never meant to be more then a symbol of justice or a inspiration to the common man that they could make a difference.

He could not control the fan base of Kira, nor did he wish to. When he could he ignored the fame Kira had gained. The only thing the fame was good for was to raise awareness to the public that someone was on their side. That, and it helped with credibility when he tipped off the police on cases.

When he finally got to the hotel he was shivering. Having no jacket this time of year was unfavorable. He could practically feel his ears turning blue.

He knocked nervously on the door to Ryuzaki's suite, but unlike before the door did not open immediately, meaning Ryuzaki wasn't waiting for him like he usually. Instead Light waited for a minute before knocking again.

This time the door opened and Light came face to face with a slightly peeved looking Ryuzaki.

"I told you I don't like it when you're late." Ryuzaki complained.

"I'm sorry, Ryu. It wasn't intentional." Light brushed off, walking past Ryuzaki into the room.

He waited for a snappy response but silence was all that meet him. Light turned back around to see Ryuzaki staring at him critically.

"What?" Light ask.

"Nothing. It's just that your head is bleeding."

"Shit." Light swore. He had forgotten that he had taken a blow to the face. The pain wasn't that bad, and he guessed the cold air numbed his face enough to mask the pain.

"Have you been fighting?" Ryuzaki questioned.

"That's none of your business." Light stated.

"It is when you might bleed on my carpet."

"Well then I'll just get out of your hair. Goodbye." Light tried to walk by Ryuzaki to get to the exit but Ryuzaki grabbed his arm.

"Let me clean you up." Ryuzaki offered.

Light wanted to refuse and run away but Ryuzaki's firm grip stayed his flight attempt. He allowed himself to be led to the bathroom like a little kid and placed on top of the toilet with the lid down.

Ryuzaki went to work, pulling out a heavy duty first aid kit and opening it up, his hand softly gliding over the contents as Ryuzaki perused what was inside. Light had a similar first aid kit at home, for when he needed to do his own personal care to avoid the hospital. He pulled out several items and set them on the counter then grabbed a washcloth hanging on the rack.

After wetting it under the tap he approached Light and kneeled on the floor so they were eye to eye. They held each other's gaze before Ryuzaki broke it, moving his eyes instead to the cut to the right of Light's brow. Light also had a fist-sized bruise just below the cut. When Light got punched only half of his eye got hit, it was still slightly swelled.

As Ryuzaki softly blotted at the cut and the bruise Light watched him carefully. When Ryuzaki was finished he opened a tub of ointment and spread it carefully on the wound. His fingers were hot and burned Light's skin where ever they touched his skin. Ryuzaki had a skilled hand. He seemed to be no stranger to first aid care.

He finished off with a simple bandage, running his thumb over it to make sure it was smooth. He cupped Light's face and ran his thumb over the bruise. Light flinched as a small sharp pain shot through him.

Ryuzaki frowned. He pulled back his hands and ghosted his fingers down Light's cheek, and then his neck. They hovered above Light's collar for a second before ripping open the shirt.

The open shirt revealed all the bruises from the blows Light had taken to his torso. Ryuzaki also grabbed Light's hands and looked at the knuckles. They were scratched up from the fight, showing he had been one of the ones throwing punches.

"Why were you fighting?" Ryuzaki asked, his eyes burning into Light's. Light didn't answer, but held Ryuzaki's gaze. Ryuzaki poked on of his bruises, to which Light swore, wrapping his hand around his middle.

"What the fuck, Ryuzaki?" He exclaimed.

Ryuzaki ignore him and instead ran his hands along Light's torso, applying pressure over the bruises. Light grunted when the pressure was applied, clenching his teeth. Ryuzaki poke a few more times until Light swatted away his hand away and swore once again.

"The good news is I don't think any ribs are broken. The bad news is I can't seem to find the bump on your head that would explain why you decided to get into a fight." Ryuzaki explained. He started tending to the scratches on Light's knuckles, spraying on an antibiotic spray that lightly stung. Light's scowl only made Ryuzaki smirk as he continued to fix Light up.

Light was now lying on the bed where Ryuzaki had left him with a bag of ice held over his eye. The ravenette came back into the room holding two cups of tea. He walked over to the bed and sat down on the side, handing Light on of the cups. He graciously took it, the smell of the tea enticing.

"Are you going to tell me now why you were fighting?" Ryuzaki asked, taking a sip. "Or are you going to keep silent like a child?"

"The second option, preferably." Light smiled. "We both have things we don't like to talk about, you know that. This is one of mine."

"Yes, we do. But I don't think fist fighting is one of them. I prefer to know if someone I am intimately involved with is a hot headed bar fighter, or a victim of being jumped on the streets." Ryuzaki pouted.

"Think what you want to think. I'm a grown ass man. Maybe I just had some testosterone to let out in an appropriately manly fashion." Light argued.

"That's what sports are for. Or sex." Ryuzaki said coyly. Light laughed, glad Ryuzaki was no longer prying and turning the whole matter into a joke. "Next time you have the 'manly urge to fight' try fighting me. I'll make sure you don't get any bruises where people can see."

Ryuzaki set the cup of tea down carefully on the side table, where Light's also sat. As soon as he did Light grabbed Ryuzaki and pulled him close, enjoying the warmth of his body.

They kissed, Light running his hands through Ryuzaki's hair. When they pulled apart Ryuzaki removed the ice pack on Light's eye.

"It's looking better." He said, lightly touching the cut and bruise with the tip of his fingers.

"It's been fifteen minutes." The younger man replied in a quiet voice, watching Ryuzaki as he traced over the bruise.

Ryuzaki looked at Light with a mischievous glint in his eye. "A lot can happen in fifteen minutes." Light laughed.

"Only fifteen?"

Ryuzaki kissed his eye gently and then kissed the bandage. Light tilted Ryuzaki's head down so his lips moved away from his eye and down to his lips, locking them into another kiss.

Now someone from the outside might think that their actions were lovey-dovey and full of affection and crap like that, but Light knew better. Their interactions were driven purely by attraction and respect for each other's intellect. That was all.

And the feeling he felt in his chest and stomach, the warm fluttery feeling, when Ryuzaki touched him, kissed him, or even looked at him was just a sign of excitement, anticipation, and enjoyment. That's also why his heart pounded and his skin burned under Ryuzaki's touch.

Everything could be rationalized…

**As always, thank you for reading! Writing this story is always such a great stress relief, and receiving reviews makes me happy. It's all thanks to you, readers.**

**When writing, having people waiting on me to update is very motivational. I'm just saying this so you know I will keep writing and finish this story because I don't want to let any of you down. At least not let you down for not finishing the story. Nothing makes me more of a sad panda like a fanfic that has no ending. **

**By the way, everything I write in my story is relevant. Everything (said 'ev-ah-reee-thang'). Gaaaah, I want to say something about it but I don't want to give anything away. Just, pay attention. Yes. **

**It's fun being a puppet master.**

**What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?**

**OH SNAP**


	12. Love on Your Birthday

**Chapter Twelve**

**Love on Your Birthday**

Light should have known it was coming, since the bookstore owner was really into the 'family' atmosphere for a work place. It happened last year, but this year Light was hoping it would just slide by and be forgotten, but since when did things ever go his way?

He had gotten through the shift incident free, greeting customers as they enter in the required cheerful tone and ringing them up when they bought their books while providing the necessary 'how's the weather' conversation with all the social pleasantries when needed. His shift finished as the store closed for the night, so he and some of the other employees locked things down then headed to the locker room.

Only in the locker room did he notice how many people had been working the shift that night. Unnecessary, even for a weekend night. They hung around for some reason, slowly putting on their coats and avoiding making eye contact with him. He warily pulled on his own coat and shut the locker door and walked to the exit, feeling their eyes on his back. As he opened the door he was met with a puff of confetti and smoke in the face, causing him to stumble back and cough.

"SURPRISE!" Shouted the voice of the store owner.

She donned a birthday party hat and for some reason had a pink feather boa wrapped around her neck. In one hand she was armed with an extra party hat, and in the other another confetti popper which she used to disorient him once more and she attacked and secured the party hat safely on his head.

"Happy Birthday!" All the people in the room called out. Damn them, they were all in on it together, cutting off any chance he had to escape.

A cake appeared from somewhere, a few confetti blasts from hidden blasters popped around him, and the crowd converged on him, hands grabbing his arms and frog-marching him out the door and to the nearest bar.

Light wanted to refuse them, but for the sake of appearances he stayed polite and allowed the festivities to commence. He was considered friend to many of these people and seen as the nice acquaintance, and he didn't want to shatter their perceptions of him.

That's how he got stuck here at the bar, surrounded by drinking coworkers. Even though it was not a karaoke a few people were singing. They way they through their inhibitions out the window amazed Light. A part of him was jealous of how carefree they could live their lives.

Around him the conversation flowed as freely as the beer, intertwining between pop culture and everyday nonsense, glossing over current events and brushing politics, only opinions he had heard someone else voice before coming out of their mouths with full belief that what they were saying was true. It was all rather bland. Like the fries on the table before him, procured from a nearby McDonalds.

"Do you like Free Flower Falling?" One girl asked him, Rino was her name, a taunt girl with a superstitious nature. She usually worked the morning and midday shifts at the cash register.

Free Flower Falling. That was that J-Pop band everyone seemed to like these days.

"I don't listen to music much, but I suppose they are good." He spoke.

"Good? They are amazing! Hanri's voice is like an angels!" Rino exclaimed.

"What's your favorite song by them?" Akiko, a girl who usually asked him, leaning across the table to get closer to him.

"All the songs I have heard so far are good." He replied.

"I know, right? But those are the more mainstream songs. I personally love Winter Rose the best. It's more of a ballad then the rest. And they use only real instruments and no computer added elements, so it's like Shota is singing right to you!"

"Shota's voice is rather nice, but my favorite songs are when Mami gets her solos."

"Enough of this girly band talk. Don't bother Light with your pop songs. He's the cool silent type. He probably doesn't listen to music, and if he does it would be classical." Makoto slung his arm around Light while simultaneously gesturing to him.

The girls agreed immediately, their usual shyness around him melted away as they started gushing over him.

"I can just imagine him now, practicing the piano in an empty music room during lunch back in school." Rino said.

"I bet he always turned down girls who presented him chocolates on Valentines Day, because he was too afraid to feel, but would go home the night and give milk to stray cats."

"That's heart breaking!" Rino started tearing up, leaning on Light, trying to give him a comforting hug. Light stiffened up, his casual smile flickering.

"Now now, honey. This is a boy's night out!" Makoto dismissed her. Rino pouted and scooted away, embracing Akiko instead.

"Boy's are always trying to exclude us," Akiko comforted the emotional Rino, "My boyfriend is always blowing me off to goof around with his friends. I suppose this is what I get for dating a man who didn't go to university." She glance over to Light and Makoto and added, "No offense."

"They never grew up, did they? It's like I'm back in primary school and that one boy would let girls see what was in his bag. A handful of worms, mind you. Gross. But hurtful."

Makoto laughed. "Ignore her, Light. She can't hold her liquor. This happens every time we go out. You wouldn't think it from how quiet she usually is at work, but it's always the quiet ones."

Everyone else joined in on his laughter. Light felt a bit awkward. He had known the other coworkers tended to hang out with each other and he never wanted to join them but there was this small bitter feeling of exclusion.

A mug of beer sat untouched in front of him and considered taking a sip, tuning out the noises around him, smiling when the laughter roared and nodding if he sensed he was asked a question. By now everyone was tipsy at the least and deliriously happy. A drip of condensation made the decision for him and his throat felt dry watching it slip down the side of the glass, starting at the rim and stopping just before reaching the base.

The liquid was welcomed. Light didn't drink much so he nursed the beer cautiously but it wasn't long before the mug was drained. On the last gulp he heard a familiar voice that made him choke and get into a coughing fit.

"There you are! Misa has been looking everywhere for you."

Misa stood in front of the table, seemingly evaporating from nowhere. Her yellow hair was partially fastened back in two pigtails with black lace, matching her gothic Lolita dress exposed underneath the jacket he had left with her the night he rescued you.

The gleam in her eyes told him she didn't just walk in on him, but she had known where he was and waited for the right time to approach him.

"Who is she?" Akiko asked Light.

"Misa is Light's girlfriend." Misa answered for him, giving a cutesy smile and then a bow. "I'm honored to finally meet his friends and coworkers."

What was she up to? Light wondered. Just one of many questions in his mind. How did she know where he was? Why claim to be his girlfriend? How did she learn that these were his coworkers? How did she learn his name?

The crowd broke out into catcalls and cheers. Makoto slapped Light on the back.

"You didn't tell us you had a girlfriend!"

"He never tells us anything."

"She's so stylish!"

"I think I've seen her somewhere before…"

"Oh my god… I have seen her before! It's Misa Amane, the model."

"A model, Light, a model!" Makoto laughed, shaking his head in disbelief.

Misa giggled and nodded her head, "Yes. Misa Amane is Light's girlfriend, but she is hurt Light hasn't mentioned her before to his friends. She supposes he respected her privacy, but Misa loves Light so much, she doesn't care who knows anymore."

"Misa, what are you doing here?" Light asked, his voice calm and controlled. She smiled wider and she tilted her head to the side.

"Misa wanted to see you. She has some important things to tell you." Her eyes gleamed with meaning. Light fought back a frown. She glanced around, taking in the party hats and other festivities. "Is it your birthday?" Her voice had genuine surprise and her face fell into a guilty pout. "Misa didn't know…"

"Light! How could you not tell her? That's so unkind, now she looks unprepared and uncaring." Akiko scolded him.

"It's okay," Makoto comforted Misa, "He didn't tell us either. The manager looked it up in the files and wanted to celebrate it. We surprised him with this party otherwise he surely would have gotten away with not celebrating at all this year."

_Shut up, shut up_, Light thought.

"Sit down and join us," Rino smiled then hiccupped.

"No. It's about time I get going." Light excused himself and pushed his way out of the booth. He managed to get free and grabbed Misa by her arm firmly, pulling her away from the table.

"Light don't leave! It's not even midnight yet!" Someone called after him. He ignored them and the rest of the pleas for him to stay, leading Misa out of the bar.

The two walked for several blocks in silence, Light keeping a blank face even though he was furious on the inside. Furious at Misa and afraid of what her reappearance might mean, and furious at himself for somehow allowing her to find him.

He messed up.

Misa beamed, seeming to revel in his presence, gravitating closer and closer to him. She smelled of strawberries and vanilla. Not the real kind, like Ryuzaki would smell of because of his many desserts, but the artificial kind from spray bottles.

When he deemed them far enough away the brunette pulled the blonde into an alley and turned to face her dead on.

"How do you know who I am?" He demanded

"Kira, Misa couldn't stop thinking about you ever since you saved me. Misa was determined to thank you…"

"Don't use that name. Not here or anywhere. Now again, how do you know who I am?" His voice, though not cruel, had lost any trace of politeness.

"Misa has been following you." She said sheepishly.

Following? More like stalking. Light grinded his teeth together.

"You shouldn't have done that. Don't you know stalking is illegal?"

"So is vigilante detective work. Misa knows you have broken laws yourself." She smiled wryly. "Breaking and entering is considered illegal in Japan."

Shit. What else has she seen? How long has she been following him? Every night since the rescue? She wasn't as stupid as she appeared to be on the outside.

"You shouldn't follow me. You are putting yourself at risk. I have enemies."

"You have followers. Not literal ones like Misa, but others. People who look to you to protect them. Why should you hide? We'll protect you." She said earnestly.

"Putting myself into danger and unable to keep doing what I do. Forget me and everything you know. Leave." He urged her.

"Misa doesn't want to leave. Misa wants to help!" She exclaimed. Light was losing his patience, fighting the urge to push her against the wall. If he was aggressive with her it could be more disastrous them her apparent obsession with him. She could run to the authorities and reveal his identity, ruing all he has worked for and taking away the one thing in life he felt he could do right.

"I don't need your help." He told her. "I thought I made it very clear."

"But Misa knows things! Things she didn't tell the police when they came and searched Yoko's items at the agency. Why she didn't, they had escaped her mind and when they came back, she thought you would make better use of them."

"You should have told them. Kira is not working on that case…"

"Why not? So many people are being killed and Kira always helps, even on big cases the police are all over. Besides Misa has no idea of how to go about telling the police."

"Certainly going up to the nearest station is easier then stalking someone's movements."

"Well you are here now and Misa has information that she is going to share with you! A theory! The Kitchen Killer victims are not random."

"Not random? What do you mean?" He questioned.

"Misa remembers that a few days before Misa saw someone leave Yoko's dressing room at a shoot. She tried following him but the person disappeared. She went back to the dressing room and found it normal except someone had messed up these papers on Yoko's counter. They were her resumes for potential jobs, and other various documents. Misa think maybe who ever it was targeting her."

Light took in the information, frowning.

"And… and there is more…" Misa's voice went softer, "Misa got a call the next day. It was a blocked number, a delivery person for some company Misa has never heard of before. They asked where Miss Yoko Hari would be so they could deliver something to her. Misa didn't suspect anything at the time so she told them where Yoko would be working that day. The same day that happened to be the day she was killed."

They stood in silence. Misa stared at the ground, close to tears. Light didn't know if he should comfort her or not, and decided to try, putting a soft hand on her arm.

"It's all Misa's fault!" She cried out.

"No, it's not your fault." It was his fault. Misa was right. A case this deadly he would normally be trying to solve but it was his own fear that stopped him from trying. He was weak.

She started crying now. It was so awkward for Light. Her make up was runny and he was at a loss again for what to do. He wanted to just leave her standing there, but his built in social grace and mind wouldn't let him. He had to do something to stop the tears and he had to also convince her into silence.

He pulled her into a hug. That seemed to be the right thing as she didn't break out into sobs and instead sniffled.

"Now listen. You have never seen Kira, nor do you know Light. Tomorrow I'll tell my friends not to tell anyone what they saw, under the guise that we are trying to protect your privacy. I will also tell them that we broke up and to never bring you up again. You will go to the police and tell them what you told me, exactly. If I ever see you again, it will be purely by coincidence and under no circumstances do you show any signs of familiarity. I do not want to have to repeat myself ever again."

Light pulled away and took a step back. Just before he fled Misa spoke up once more.

"Happy birthday." She wished him.

"… thank you."

One second later he disappeared around the corner, once again leaving the blonde behind, hopefully this time for good.

_But things never turn out in my favor, do they? _

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

He was late. Again. Ryuzaki was not going to be happy. He had to stop at his apartment first after leaving Misa, and the way there he had to take a hug detour in case she was following him again. It was in vain, as she had likely already located where he lived and knew where he worked. He could not be sure if she would stalk him again or not, because the girl seemed enamored with him. Quite possibly believing she was in love with him.

And on the way to Ryuzaki's hotel suite he took a longer detour, praying that she had not followed him there before.

It was already past midnight when he finally got there, and he hesitated knocking on the door, not liking the scolding he was sure to get, but he wanted to see Ryuzaki.

He knocked and was hardly surprised as the door opened almost immediately. It only opened part way, enough so Light could see a dark eye peering out at him.

"You're late."

"I'm sorry."

"You're late."

"Let me in."

"You're late."

Light signed. "I'm really sorry. A lot happened tonight. It was exhausting. Let me in." He began pushing on the door but Ryuzaki stopped him.

"Wait thirty seconds and come in." Ryuzaki instructed him. Light nodded. Ryuzaki left the door mostly closed and ran off to do what ever he was up to. Light counted silently in his head. At thirty on the dot he pushed the door open.

Ryuzaki was sitting, waiting for him in his usual spot around the coffee table, but waiting for Light on the table was a surprise.

A small birthday cake with a single candle lit up.

Light stood at the door, stunned.

"I know it is not your birthday any more as it is after midnight, but in parts of the world it still is. And people tend to celebrate the occasion of each other's births in the form of cake."

Ryuzaki gave him a small smile, which disappeared when he saw Light had yet to move.

"Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? Should I sing that song?" Ryuzaki's lost smile was now a confused frown.

Light's sense came back to him and he shook his head. "Nothing's wrong," he said, "I just… wasn't expecting this. And please don't sing for. It's something we both don't want to hear."

Light was lying. Not about the singing part, because he was sure Ryuzaki's singing voice would be even more horribly monotonous then his usual voice, but about nothing being wrong.

He felt guilty that Ryuzaki went through all the trouble to get him a cake and candles. Judging by the look of concern on his face he was worried that he had done something socially unacceptable. This was probably the first time he tried to celebrate someone's birthday.

The cake was all for naught. Well, not really. Today was not his real birthday. It was Light Akino's birthday, his alias. His real birthday was still months away. But no one knew this. Not even Ryuzaki. The raven-haired man must have looked up his fake file and thought that this birthday was real.

Light slipped on a smile and walked over to the couch where Ryuzaki waited.

"Thank you," he whispered, placing a kiss on Ryuzaki's cheek.

Ryuzaki grunted, accepting his thanks, and the huffed. "Can we have the cake now? I've been looking at it all day, and I've never gone this long without eating a cake sitting right in front of me."

Light laughed. "Of course."

They sliced up the cake and ate. Ryuzaki had four slices to Light's one. The cake was washed down with delicious red wine. A short time later they were both laid back together on the couch, Light leaning back into Ryuzaki's chest.

Sleep pulled at Light's eyes but he was not ready to give into it yet. He turned his head so he looked up to Ryuzaki who was taking a sip of wine. The raven-haired man noticed Light's attention turned to him and took the glass away from him face, leaning closer to Light, placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

Light wasn't satisfied and instead grabbed the older man's head with one hand and brought his face close again for another kiss, this time deeper. Warmth spread out from Ryuzaki's touches as the kiss continued to deepen at both men's desire.

Just as it was getting good a shrill sound interrupted them. They pulled away and looked at the cell phone Ryuzaki had sitting on the table.

Fuck.

Light was not happy as Ryuzaki pushed him away after a moment of hesitation to answer the phone. The conversation went as short as it always did. Ryuzaki only confirmed several things before shutting the phone and turning to Light.

Enough was enough. Light stood up and walked straight for the door, not even bothering to wait to be dismissed and left with out another word. Ryuzaki just stood and stared at him as he left, phone in hand, face ever so fucking annoyingly blank.

**Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, but here you go! Happy belated holidays! Next chapter will hopefully be out soon. I have already started working on it. Thanks for all the reviews, they mean a lot to me. Hopefully I'll be updating more regularly, and I hope you are all dying to figure out what happens next!**

**Oh, I wrote a story about a man that has a small garden, but it doesn't have much of a plot.**


	13. Haunting Love

**Chapter Twelve**

**Haunting Love**

Light and Ryuzaki had met a few more times since the fake birthday party. But their meetings became shorter and farther in between.

Ryuzaki's work had been keeping him busy, and he often had to cut their nights short, much to Light's displeasure. Ryuzaki didn't seem much more excited about it either. What ever his work was kept him stressed, and with each passing day he looked grumpier (it was hard to tell but he was getting better and better at telling the difference between one blank face and the next).

Light did his best to aid in stress relief, whether it was by entertaining him with jokes and riddles, or by means of a more intimate nature. While these remedies for Ryuzaki happiness worked in the moment, his stressed grumpy face would come back on instantly as soon as he got a phone call from work and Light had to leave.

This secretly worried Light for more reasons then just one. Firstly, he was worried for Ryuzaki's health, though he was not one to judge how unhealthily someone lived their lives. Secondly, he worried over how much more time he and Ryuzaki had left to do… whatever this was.

From the beginning Light knew Ryuzaki was here on a business trip, and that he would only be in Japan for a limited amount of time. He wondered just how much more time he would be here.

Usually just before the end of a project, things get a lot harder and frustrating, so maybe that meant his time here was almost up.

Light wasn't sure why but the thought of it made him feel angry.

Each time their meetings were cut off with a phone rings he stormed out. When Ryuzaki would call to invite him to the next meeting they would dance around the issue. The tension was hidden away in the back of Light's head, along with everything else. He was beginning to feel bleak.

It seemed like the whole world seemed bleak.

The infamous Kitchen Killings graced the front of every newspaper. The number of victims rose to ten, despite all the police precautions, and the public feared for their lives. There was talk of a curfew being instigated, but in the metropolis that was Tokyo it was unrealistic.

The streets were emptier each night. Nobody wanted to be the next victim. It made Kira's job easier. Less people, less crime.

But it was weird… even though the streets were emptier, Light somehow felt overcrowded. He had this peculiar feeling that he was being watched, but whenever he looked around, no one else was there.

This had been going on for since the night of the same fight, too.

Perhaps that blonde girl, Misa, was stalking him still, but he had been extra careful to be as evasive as possible on any attempts to follow him. So in more crowded areas it may have made some sense she might be somewhere, there, watching him, but when he slipped into the shadows and walked the quieter streets, the feeling didn't go away.

So anyways it seemed Ryuzaki wasn't alone. Light had stress of his own.

Light, despite the shame Misa had made him feel, had gotten no further in the Kitchen Killer case then he had been before. If one killing was premeditated, perhaps they all were. And when Light looked through the pictures of the victims, looking for some sort of connection, their eyes seemed to burn, judging him silently.

Tonight Light felt rather miffed. Ryuzaki had canceled on him the night before and he had yet to get any word from him. After work at the bookstore, Light decided to go home and do some casework for the smaller cases that were being swept aside.

On his way home it started snowing. He stopped to observe the small flurries as they were bathed in the golden light of the street lamps, taking a moment to consider how weird science was, that each snowflake could be so different yet look the same, and that they were all frozen water, yet the snowflakes floated down as if they were cotton fluffs.

It was starting to stick, covering everything in a moderate dusting of what looked like powdered sugar. His book bag was speckled with it. Maybe if it snowed again tomorrow it would get deeper…

Wait. Why the hell was Light thinking about snow? It was such a trivial thing to think about when there are many more important things to think about. He needed to focus. Why has his mind been wandering so much, lately?

Light was brought out of his musings by a snowball to the head. His hand flew up to cover the spot on the back of his head where the snowball had hit. The ball had been packed tight and left his skin stinging.

He sifted his eyes from side to side, looking for the culprit who threw the damn thing. A glimpse of hair disappearing behind a wall drew his attention. It must have been some kid. Curious Light wandered over to the wall and glanced around it, were he saw a narrow alley he had passed a thousand times.

He saw the silhouette of a girl with dark hair. Before he got a good look at her she threw another snowball and dashed away again, cutting across the street on the other side. Light dodged the ball and ran after her.

The girl was quick but Light managed to keep up with her and eventually catch her. He grabbed her shoulders spun her around. What he saw shocked him.

Shiori stood there in front of him, a worried frown on her face. She pushed him away and started running again.

_That couldn't possibly have been her. Shiori is dead. Dead_. Light thought, his mind racing. It went back to the last time he had seen her alive. He heard her scream from the past and felt the warmth and soft skin of her neck as he tried in vain to search for a pulse. She was dead. She was dead. It couldn't be her. The cheek bones weren't quite right and her eyes… they were a shade too dark… weren't they?

Her face had been ingrained on the back of his eyes but now it was fading fast.

The mystery Shiori had gotten a ways away. Light picked up pursuit again. The girl glanced back and saw he was following. As Light followed Shiori her scarf fell off. She didn't even seem to care but kept sprinting. She rounded another corner, and when Light did he saw her entering a taxi that promptly drove off, as if it had been waiting for her.

Light just stood there and watched, knowing he'd have no chance of catching up. The girl glanced back at him one last time before disappearing.

There was nothing he could do, so he decided to go back and pick up the scarf. The scarf lay where it was dropped, it's black and white checkered pattern standing out against the snow. As Light bent down to pick it up he felt a strange pull coming from the alley the scarf had fallen in front of.

It was if time slowed down when he turned his head to look down the alley, and nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.

A dead body lay strewn across the ground, staring at him with unseeing eyes. He was young, sixteen at the oldest. Beside him lay a tennis racket bag, and both it and the body covered in a dusting of snow. The snow directly around the body was stained red from blood. The horrible metallic scent of blood filled the air.

The teen had been stabbed many times, judging by the stains and holes on his shirt. His face still had an expression of fear, pure fear. The body was fresh.

He stared at the body, paralyzed by shock. The more he stared at it the more it began to change.

It was no longer the teen, but a middle-aged man wearing glasses. Where a nameless kid once laid Soichiro Yagami lay.

Suddenly Light was a child again, the snow turned to kitchen tile, the alley walls into a kitchen counter with blood-flecked curtains half covering the window over the sink. The pool of blood seemed to grow deeper and deeper with every coming second.

Run. He wanted to run. But his feet would not move.

The blood was up to his knees now, but already he was choking on it. He was suffocating as he stood. The snow fell on top of the rising blood then seemed to melt into it, only making it rise faster. Just as it was about to swallow him whole the feeling in his legs came back and he found himself stumbling backwards. His bag slipped off his shoulders and he tripped over it, falling to the ground and banging his head.

The pain shot though him; startlingly clear in the confusion of the moment. His hand became wet with something warm and sticky, but he didn't have time for that now. He had to flee. He got up and ran again, just needing to get away.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

His apartment was his last safe place. He took refuge in it, locking himself in from the outside world. The shades were down and the lights switched off. Only the glow of the computers remain, but they were untouched.

As soon as Light had gotten backs and safely shut himself away he ran to the small kitchen and opened a drawer full of utensils. He spilled them out onto the floor as he lifted up the false bottom to reveal his treasures from a past he tried to forget.

Two cell phone charms sat on top of the real wood bottom, their strings barely touching. A can of coffee next to a rice ball. They were in near pristine condition, having never been used but for a few hours. The phone that they were once attached to had long ago been destroyed and disposed of. But Light could never have brought himself to rid himself of these useless pieces of plastic.

Now he was grateful for that, as he picked them up and held them together wrapped in the palm of his hand. They had been gifts from Mikami for him and Shiori. Light couldn't even remember how he had managed to be holding onto Shiori's phone, but at the end of his last Light Yagami he reached into his pocket and her phone with her charm already on it. His own phone had been left back on the bus, but the charm Mikami had given him had been still in his pocket next to his wallet.

He brought the hand holding the coffee can and rice ball charms to his chest and cradled it there. With his other hand he pushed away the silverware so he had room to lie down and press his head against the cold tile floor.

He had no idea how much time had passed when his phone first began to ring. He felt the vibration as it buzzed in his back pocket. With out checking the caller ID he knew who it was, but for once he had no desire at all to pick up the phone.

Eventually the ringing stopped. Sometime later it started up again. And then again. The forth time, Light picked up the phone and threw it. The sound of it cracking when it hit what ever it hit was satisfying and at last Light had what he wanted.

To be alone.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

It seems like things only got worse and worse for L.

The case was still unsolved and more people had died on his count.

There was Luke Adams and Gill Deux, the foreigners. Luke the first killing and Gill the eighth. Luke had been living here and going to a local school, but Gil had been here on vacation and had only been in the country for a few days and was set to leave in the next two.

Izaya the NEET and his almost pitiful end, the second death, followed by Gouki, the loving mother type who had so much to live for in comparison. Hana Wagu, a rising chef, the fourth. Toshi Souji, a old lawyer, the fifth.

The greatly mourned Yoko Hari, a fashion model whose death was being turned into a marketing ploy for the designers of Harajuku who she had worn their labels and walked in shows for.

Ari Inoue, the seventh killing, a member of a gang. It had been suspected that his killing was a copy cat killing done by a rival gang in hopes that the Kitchen Killer would be blamed, but after some detective and forensic work L was able to prove that it was an authentic killing.

The ninth and tenth killing happened within hours of each other but on opposite side of the city. Akiko Tanakoshi and Migumi Yamashita. Akiko was a grocer. Migumi was a school girl.

Ichiro Yamashita was also in high school, like Migumi. Though they didn't go to the same school L found the fact that three different high school student from three different schools had all been chosen. All the other victims were too varied, but the first and last two killings all being students of the same age and in school was very suspicious.

It was possible that the murders were being done by a fellow student. Maybe one connected with the three that died, or just one of them. Or someone who had a certain fixation with his high school years.

It was also very unsettling how easy it was to discover the identity of each victim. The killer made no attempt to hid it, leaving faces and wallets untouched. And every victim had their identification with them.

Ichiro had just been discovered an hour ago. L was watching the scene now with cameras Watari and the other detectives had placed so he could see the investigation, when his bad day just got worse.

The team had discovered two book bags near the body. One bag belonged to Ichiro. The other belonged to Light.

When he had seen the second bag it was like a cold shot of reality to his face. The bag belonged to Light, he was sure of it. He had seen it only a few times but already had the sight of it imprinted into his memory. When he asked Watari to search the contents his mood only sank as the bag's ownership was confirmed with each item that was pulled out. There was a can of the brand of coffee that L had noticed Light drank, and several books he knew Light was reading.

There was no wallet or store ID in the bag so no one but L could have known whose bag this was. L felt burden by the knowledge.

There was blood near Light's bag, and until DNA tests can in there was no way to tell who the blood belonged to. But even if the blood was Light's, not Ichiro, nothing would link the DNA to Light. His DNA was not in the database, having never committed any crimes before. L knew because he had tested it during Light's fever stay at the hotel, when he was even more of a mystery then he was now.

L knew that he was a salesperson at a book store and that he had not gone to university after completing high school, despite being an L-certified genius. He lived in a small apartment alone and had no criminal record, but other then the time he spent with L he had no idea what he did. And what had Light done before he and L met?

That was not that long ago, and on their first meeting L was sure Light was suicidal. He found the young man about to jump off a bridge in a monsoon.

And then there was now, his bag found at the scene of a murder, the first murder of which had occurred on they very night L had saved him from jumping. L had been suspicious that he was a criminal from the start, but had pushed back that thought. Had L saved a killer? And not just any killer, but one of the most disturbing ones he had seen since B?

Though he never let it show, not even to Watari, B, his once successor-to-be, had shaken him when he had left the orphanage and turned to such a life, all because of his obsession with L.

L needed answers. And he needed them soon.

He had called Light twice before that night, when his schedule had been more free, but he got no answer. He called twice more, each time getting to voice mail. The third time he called it said the number he had been calling was no longer available.

This did not bode well. L dialed the phone one more time, and this time it was answered right away.

"Yes?"

"I need you to detain Light Akino under suspicion of murder. Bring him here, and don't let anyone else know what you are doing."

"As you say." Watari responded.

**Annnnnnd Cut!**

**Okay That's a wrap! Thanks for reading the story, I hope you have a great life!**

…**..**

**Just kidding. **

**But wouldn't this be a great way to end the story? Heh.**

**Please review and give me your thoughts!**

**I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge I've been carrying. I'm ex-static!**


	14. Faking Love

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Faking Love**

He was alone.

The night had gone by and the sun was beginning to rise. Light rays leaked in through cracks in the shades. The floor was cold, and my skin was covered in goose bumps. The back of my head throbbed. It had stopped bleeding, finally, but it probably needed to be dressed.

Light usually tended to his own injuries, but the will to do so just wasn't in him.

He just kept thinking about Shiori…

Or fake Shiori…

Or real Shiori…

Or fake….

Real…

Or fake…

His head spun, and not just from the injury.

One moment he heard her bubbly laughter, the next her blood chilling scream.

Her smile turned to a gasp of pain.

How could Light ever try to forget her?

She was possibly one of the best things that happened to him in his life, and the world took her away, her and Mikami.

Where was Mikami? Light had never checked up on him since he had chosen to forget his past life. It was for the better. If he had gone to Mikami then he too would have been taken away from Light, and most likely suffered, and it would have all been Light's fault.

If Light did check up on Mikami and learned that his life was horrible, Light would never forgive himself. He probably could have done something to help along the line but since he decided to be selfish, Mikami could have never gotten the help he needed. It would be his fault.

_Shiori…_

He missed her so much.

_Shiori. Shiori._

"Shiori."

His voice broke the silence, almost echoing off the walls. The apartment, save for computers, a dresser, a filing cabinet and a bed, was virtually unfurnished and undecorated. The heat was off. Light rarely put it on.

The walls were an ugly gray, and in the corner the wallpaper was beginning to peel. He could hear the snoring of one of his neighbors through the wall, and the sound of a television set that had never been turned off. There was also the sound of early morning traffic and the soft roar of light rain.

The charms lay in his open palm, where he stared at them, as he had for the past hour. The more he stared at them the blurrier they got, and the memories of the happier times blurred with them.

_Real… _

_Or fake?_

Had Shiori really chosen to hang out with Light, or did she have no choice, driven by loneliness.

Had he been a good friend? No… he let Shiori and Mikami do all the work. He was barely there, even then. They deserved a better friend.

Shiori had loved him… he had known it for a long time.

He had known it even back then.

He had loved her, too, in his own way. Not the way she had loved him. But if she had confessed to him, he has no idea what he would have done.

There was a knock on the door.

Light turned his head to look at it, wondering who it might be. No one even knocked on the door but his landlord.

Was his rent due? Light couldn't remember the date anymore…

Whoever it was knocked again, this time more forceful.

Light figured if it was his landlord, maybe he'd go away if he just ignored him, but he was wrong. The person on the other side of the door gave one more loud knock before speaking, "Light Akino. Open the door."

Light pushed himself up, head swimming. He did not recognize that voice.

"Light Akino, open the door." The forceful voice commanded. This time Light was able to pick up traces of an accent. This person was not a native-born speaker.

"We know you are in there. Open the door, you are under arrest."

This took Light by surprise.

That was when he remembered his bag. _Shit_. He had been thoughtless and dropped it. Not just anywhere, but at the fucking scene of a crime. Right next to a fucking body.

Panic seized him and he jumped up to his feet, but dizziness took hold of him and his vision blurred and he stumbled onto a fork.

He swore at the sudden new pain, dropping the charms onto the floor. The sudden loss of them made him feel cold and he started searching the floor desperately for them. A knock drew him out of his frenzy.

"This is your last warning or we are breaking down the door!"

There was no way he could escape. And that would not be the wisest idea, since he was in no condition to even attempt. The police, if they were the police, knew his home location, and his computers, though safely encrypted, were at risk.

His decision made, he replied to the man outside. "I'm coming to the door now. Wait for me to unlock it. I'm not resisting." He tried his best to make his voice sound cool and even, but it was hard after the night he went through.

He stumbled over the short distance to the door, using the time to get his mask on his face. A glance through the peep hole revealed two men not in uniform, one blonde and fair skinned, wearing sun glasses and smoking a cigarette. The other had a hat pulled low over his face and the collar of a trench coat popped up. His face was shrouded in shadow. He undid the dead lock and then the lock in a timely matter, making sure the clicks and clinks were loud and clear to the men waiting outside.

As soon as he opened the door a rough hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. Before Light knew it both of his hands were behind him, secured in a pair of metal handcuffs.

"You're coming with us." The blonde man growled, shoving Light against the wall.

"Not so rough." The other man commanded.

"Sorry. It's just nice to be on the other side." The blonde man grinned, releasing the pressure pinning Light to the wall. "Light Akino, you are under arrest for suspicion of murder."

"Aren't you going to read me my rights?" Light said in a joking tone.

"I can't promise you any damn rights. You'll get what you get."

Definitely not the police. The paired looked like a couple of private detectives, but Light also doubted that.

"Control yourself," The other man said to the blonde, and then to Light he added, "It's best you remain silent until we get to our final destination."

"Where are you taking me?" Light demanded.

"You'll find out soon enough." The blonde said.

"I cannot disclose the location we are going. Just be silent and don't resist anything we do, and this will all go by quickly." Said the other.

Light decided to take the advice of the other.

The blonde man, the seemingly younger man, which Light guessed by the sound of his voice and the way he followed the orders of the other man, lead Light from behind by holding onto his arms, asserting his dominance over Light in the situation. The other man lead them down the three flights of stairs at a fast pace, taking no time to appreciate the authentic whitewashed cinder block walls and the beautiful florescent lights.

He led them outside and to a black car with dark tinted windows. The car was very nondescript, the license plates still from the dealership it had come from. He opened the door for the blonde to shove him in back, ducking down his head so it wouldn't bump the ceiling.

He smiled at Light as he buckled him in.

"Safety first," the blonde smirked. He reached over and grabbed something that had been sitting next to Light and held it up for Light to see.

He held a blindfold and head phones. When he put them on Light, his sense of sight and hearing went away. He felt the vibration of the car door slamming and the engine turning on, and the pull of gravity as the car began to move.

The ride was about an hour long, but Light half suspected that it was more to confuse him then. He spent that time trying to figure out what was going on. They must have found his bag next to the kitchen killer's, and connected it to him. But Light had his wallet still in his pocket, which contained all his identification cards, and the bag had no ties to him, he was sure. And if they had found the bag, wouldn't it be the police who would arrest him and bring him in for questioning, not some no name figures? It might be a private separate investigation.

L was working on this case, Light knew, so it was very possible that Light was on his way to be questioned by the head honcho himself. That thought almost excited Light, but that would make this situation more complicated. Light cursed himself for not trying to escape, but he knew the fire escape was rickety and would have caused enough noise to reveal his intentions to the men, and his head, which still throbbed, may have caused him to fall.

If it was L, how did he connect him to the crime? Were there any witnesses? Light could only remember seeing Shiori, or fake Shiori since Shiori WAS dead, anywhere near where he had seen the body. But what if someone had come along shortly after his… episode.

They could have recognized him from the book store and reported him to the police. But if that was the case, wouldn't he have been detained earlier? One does not simply let his prime suspect (or only suspect, as far as Light knew about the case, since no other names were even being batted around according to the police database) have time to escape, nor does a witness who saw Light leaving the scene of a fresh dead body wait a few hours to report what he saw. But maybe someone did see him and report it, and it took this long to figure out where he was?

The possibilities swam around in Light's head. He tested the handcuffs and found them secure.

Shiori was now only a little bit on his mind. It was as if she was sitting next to him in the car, allowing him to be distracted as long as he didn't forget.

Maybe this wasn't about the dead teenager and fake Shiori (Real Shiori?) at all. Maybe someone had finally connected him to his work as Kira. If that was the case this could be a syndicate or other wanting to take their revenge on him for putting one of their members behind bars. It was possible. With Misa stalking him, his work must have been getting sloppy.

But he had been told he was being arrested for murder.

So it must be the dead teenager.

It must.

"Shiori…" Light whispered, then immediately clamped his mouth shut. Fuck. He was in a car, prisoner to potential hostiles. He should not be mentioning her name here.

_Why shouldn't you? You are being arrested for murder and you killed me_, said Shiori's voice. It was a crueler and more resentful voice of Shiori then he even remembered her having.

_I didn't kill you. The gunman did_. He thought back. A muscle in his jaw twitched.

_You did. You did and you know it_. She replied, her voice almost sad.

The rumbling of the engine stopped. Light counted fifteen seconds before a hand was on his shoulder, guiding him out of the car. Light wondered briefly if they were going to remove the headgear, but the hand on his shoulder instead gave him alight shove, indicating the he should walk. A second hand appeared on the arm of the same side, guiding him as he walked.

He was inside a garage, Light guessed. It was cold and the ground felt like concrete, but there was no trace of wind or smell of fresh air, only the faint scent of gasoline and the blonde's cigarette.

They led him to an elevator, and Light could feel the rising sensation and it lifted him up to whatever awaited him.

Light amused himself wondering if there was any elevator music or not.

The slight jolt of the elevator told him it had stopped, and he felt himself being led down what he assumed was a hall, carpeted judging by the softness of his steps. More shuffling around and then he was seated on a chair in a room, still blind and deaf to the world.

Light could only guess if the two men were there, but the absence of the smell of smoke suggested he was alone. He leaned back into the chair, taking a moment to roll his head around and assess how badly it still hurt. The pain, though not as sharp as it had once been, made him grimace.

After a few minutes Light sensed he was not alone, but could do nothing but wait. He felt hands brush against his as they removed the cuffs. His hands free, Light brought them in front of him and rubbed his wrists in turn. He didn't dare to try to remove the headgear, instead waited for the person to do it himself. And act of obedience or defiance, Light was not sure.

"Thank you." He said aloud, stupidly since he'd not be able to hear a response. A minute more passed and then his noise canceling headphones were removed. The silence he had been… enjoying… ended and he could hear the hum of electricity in the walls.

Who ever was in the room with him did not speak yet and Light waited patiently, putting on a passive face.

"You can remove the blindfold."

That voice… Light knew that voice. But it couldn't be…

He stopped himself from ripping the blindfold off and instead did it slowly. At first Light was blinded, but as his eye adjusted he saw Ryuzaki sitting across from him.

Ryu-fucking-zaki.

The ravenette stared back at his, as if challenging him to react.

Light's memories of his time spent with Ryuzaki flashed before his eyes, from the first meeting on the bridge to the questioning after he had regained consciousness, to the nights and bed they had shared and the unspoken things they had kept from each other.

What the hell was happening?

What the hell was going on?

_It makes me wonder_, Shiori intruded into his thoughts, the cruel Shiori, the fake Shiori, the true Shiori, her voice ever venomous and amused, _It makes me wonder…_

_Was that all real…_

_Or fake?_

**I'm going to stop this chapter here. **

**Next chapter coming soon! **

**Thanks for all the reviews! I read every single one, and I love to hear what you have to say. I've really gotten into the story again so I'll probably be updating consistently until the end.**

**My school is getting some remodeling done and it can be a bit annoying. Roofers are so shingle minded. **


	15. What is Love

**Chapter Fifteen**

**What is Love**

**A/N: Before I start this chapter I want to begin on a happy note. Here is a quick paragraph, narrated by Mellow to Matt, about the awesomeness of chocolate:**

"**This is no mere chocolate bar, Matt. This chocolate bar… When you first start to peel back the label, your nose is caressed with the smell of cocoa made from the cacao beans from exotic Madagascar. The chocolate already starts to soften underneath your fingers. You can see the shininess of the chocolate, the brown shimmery gleam that means the chocolate was perfectly tempered. Now its time to give it a taste. You take your first bite, and you hear the breaking sound as your teeth severe off a little piece. You take a small piece, because you want to savor the bar for as long as possible. That little piece has two textures. A smooth yet firm outer shell, the promised chocolate by your eyes, and then… oh wait? What's that? A gooey soft and creamy inside. A chocolate ganache with a hint of hazelnut, and something more. What is the secret ingredient, you might ask? Love, Matt. It's love."**

**Now the much awaited chapter:**

L waited for Light to burst out an in surprise, gasp, an accusatory glance, confusion, disbelief, anything. But all he did was stare right back at him, across the table, his mouth a straight line and his eyes void.

They sat in the hotel room where they had met so many times before, only the old furniture, including the computers had been removed and all there was were a table and two chairs, one for him and one for Light, and don't forget the microphones L had installed to record their conversation. He left out the cameras to avoid his image being recorded.

L had debated with himself what he should do when it came to Light.

He could have stayed anonymous, hidden behind the mask of the unknown detective L, and seen what he could have gotten out of Light. But then Light could have gotten suspicious if L asked him any questions that L had come to know when he had been Ryuzaki.

Why didn't he just tell the police his suspicions and let them arrest Light? He could even reveal a partial back story to his history with Light so the NPA would know what questions to ask. In that case, he didn't have to let them know Light had been seeing him under an alias, but instead he had been seeing someone named Ryuzaki, who turned into his informer for the right price.

But L couldn't do that. It was Light. If he had been the murderer then the deaths of the victims would fall on his shoulders.

There were many other things that he could have done, but he had chosen to meet Light face to face. This way he could have more influence over Light, he hoped.

A small voice in his head told him that if he did this he could never see Light again. Even if he didn't do this, he knew he still could never see Light again. This way at least he'd get to meet with him one last time, which ever way this went.

He had told Watari to bring Light to him. He hired Aiber to assist Watari in capturing Light, since it was not strictly legal, which is what Aiber specialized in. Watari needed help, in case Light put up a fight. He was not as young as he used to be.

As Watari did as he commanded, one thing he said to L wouldn't leave. _"Are you sure you know what you are doing?" _In truth, L did not know.

He had spent countless time trying to figure out the man in front of him but still drew blanks, but what he did know was that Light was hiding something, hiding a big secret that had taken hold of him.

A secret that L hated to not know. He knew everything. He wanted to know everything. But sitting here across from Light he wondered if he truly wanted to know everything. IT was never about what he wanted. It was about what he needed to do as L, the world's greatest detective.

That's right, he was L. He was Justice.

It was time to take charge of the matter at hand.

"Light."

"Ryuzaki." Light answered.

His voice was as controlled and unrevealing as L's.

"I'm sure you are wondering why you are here." L started.

"I'm wondering a lot of things right now." Light responded.

"Let me tell you why you are here. In the small hours of the morning a body was discovered. It was a teenage boy, named Ichiro Yamashita, by a local bakery owner on their way to open shop. The time was approximately four am. It is believed that the boy was yet another victim of the serial killer who has been known for stabbing his victims multiple times. The killer is the one known as the Kitchen Killer."

"I know of who you speak of. Who hasn't? All of Tokyo knows about the Kitchen Killer. He's more feared then Jack the Ripper these days. I'm sorry to learn that he has a new victim." Light leaned forward, placing his crossed arms on the table.

"Sorry to learn, as in just learning now?" L bit his thumb. "I have reason to believe you already knew about this."

He pulled out a photograph from a folder he had placed at his side and slipped it across the table.

"I believe this is your bag. I have seen you with it on several occasions." Never mind what those occasions were.

Light looked over the photo and then pushed it away. He returned his eyes to L's. "I do not know this bag."

L bit at his thumb even harder. Why was Light trying to deny this? His chances of being the killer or associated with the crime just went up.

"Are you sure? Brown leather book bag, containing several books, including _Philosophy in the Tragic Age of the Greeks_ by Nietzsche."

"That must be some coincidence, since you lent me that same book to read. I had meant to return it to you earlier." Light's condescending tone told L he knew he was lying and he knew L would know.

"Light. I know this is your bag and I know that this is my book. Were you or were you not present at the scene where the body was found?"

"Who are you to even be asking me this? Are you with the NPA?" Light demanded to know.

"It is not important that you know who I am."

"Not important?" Light's politeness was melting away and L could see his anger bubbling up. "Not important? I was taken from my apartment and fucking blindfolded and shoved into the back of a car. That's kidnapping, not a proper 'police' arrest."

"I'm with the police." L lied.

"The police? We are in a fucking hotel, not a police box or the headquarters. I know you are not with them. What the hell is going on? Who are you?"

"I'll tell you what's going on. A boy was found dead this morning, and you are the only suspect. That was your bag, and the results will come back soon and tell me that was your blood, too."

"Blood? What blood?"

"I'm not sure if you can tell but there is a gash in the back of your head. I believe it is the source of the blood we had found separate from the rest of the blood, right next to your bag." L had seen it when he had removed the headphones, confirming some suspicions and worrying him at the same time. Light's hand flew up to the back of his head and L saw him flinch when his fingers touched the wound. He thought back to the day Light had come to the hotel covered in bruises from a fight. "Where did you get that? Did Ichiro put up a fight?"

"Are you accusing me of murder?" Light exclaimed.

"Why was your bag at the scene of the crime?" L pushed again.

"I dropped it there!" Light let out. "I fucking dropped it there. I saw the body and I panicked. I dropped the bag and tripped over it and ran away."

"Why did you deny it was your bag?"

"I was scared! I saw a body. It was horrifying. I just want to forget about the whole thing." Light's voice was honest, yet reserved. He was still hiding something. He could have been genuinely scared by seeing the body, but he could also have been scared at the fact that he had murdered again and run away full of guilt.

"Forget about what, the body or your acts of murder?" L knew he was pushing Light's boundaries by calling him a killer. He needed a confession.

"I didn't kill him." Light stated. His jaw was clenched and his eye narrowed.

"Why didn't you call the police?"

Light didn't answer. Instead he glanced away with a frown.

"Why didn't you call the police?" L repeated.

"Who are you? Why are you questioning me about this? Why aren't you with the police?" Light questioned.

"I told you it's not important who I am." L wanted Light to stop obsessing over his identity.

"Don't give me that bullshit. I wan to know who you really are. And don't tell me you are Ryuzaki." Light's gaze was now accusing.

"I am Ryuzaki. I work with the police as a private consultant."

"You are not Ryuzaki." Light's cold voice cut like a knife. L knew Light knew that Ryuzaki was a fake name. He felt the loss of that name now, and its old association with Light.

"Who are you?" L threw back. "Light Akino. On the night I first met you, you were about to jump off a bridge in a suicide attempt and I had saved you. I had theorized you were trying to escape the guilt of a crime, and now I think I know what crime."

"I am not the Kitchen Killer. And I told you, I was not trying to commit suicide. Stop worrying, you no longer have to worry if you made a mistake by 'saving' me. I killed no one." His voice was angry, hurt, and pained at the same time.

"That night was the night the first victim, Luke Adams, was killed. Did you kill him? Did you throw the knife off the bridge and planned to follow it to repent?"

"No. I killed no one. And I looked into that. Wasn't his estimated death placed after you told me you had saved me from that bridge?"

"It's possible that the estimation could have been obscured by the storm that night…" L argued.

"What kind of an argument is that?"

L ignored that remark. "Remember the night you came to me covered in cuts a bruises? What had happened that night? That night there had also been a murder. Did he put up a fight, too?"

"How dare you. I see you have decided I'm the killer, but I'm not! Stop accusing me of murder!"

"I can accuse you all I want. People are dead, Light. They deserve justice. And I am determined to catch the killer at any cost, and I know somehow you are tied into this," L stopped biting his thumb. Then he remembered what Light had said. "Why would you have looked into the time of death of Luke Adams?"

"Maybe you are not the only one who believes the kitchen killer should be caught." Light responded.

Light stood up, then seemed to sway a bit but caught himself. L stood up when he saw Light sway, but kept his ground and watched as Light walked over to the window. The drapes were closed, but he pulled it open just enough so he could see outside.

"You are L, aren't you?" he asked.

L sighed mentally. It was only a matter of time till Light had come to that conclusion. It was no secret that he had been working on the case with the NPA. This is why he shouldn't have met with Light face to face. Why did he decide to do it, again? His argument to do so was so weak now when he looked back at it.

It was all just an excuse to see Light again.

_Are you sure you know what you are doing? _

L didn't answer, so Light turned to him, closing the drapes.

"So you are. If you are L, tell me this. Did you just now suspect me, or were you always suspicious? Is that why you didn't take me to a hospital?"

_No. It was because you asked me not to._ L thought, but the words would not leave his mouth. Light had looked so vulnerable that night…

"And was that why you started seeing me? So you could keep tabs on your only suspect? Questioned me to assess my knowledge and try to get me to reveal my dastardly plans? Wait for hard evidence to roll a long so you could detain me, already knowing my location?"

_No no no, this wasn't going right_. L didn't think Light would come to this conclusion. He had been overly curious about Light, and maybe thought he may have committed a crime, but it wasn't because of this.

"Did you take my fucking DNA while I was unconscious in case you needed to use it later on, didn't you? That, and you were checking my background in case you had a wanted criminal in your custody." L frowned, as that had been exactly what he had done.

"I…" He tried to explain but Light continued, cutting him off.

"I suppose you thought you'd have a little fun while you were at it. 'Oh, why don't I fuck with my enemy. That'll be fun! Why don't I start dating him, and mess with his emotions, too! That'll be a rewarding pretense to analyze him!'" Light was shaking now. "Or maybe you truly didn't know. But you never trusted me, or had an understanding, so at the first drop of a pin you would turn on me and not believe a thing I was saying. You think I'm possible of murder." He made his hand into a fist. "I am justice. Or I thought I was. I believed in justice. I have since I was a kid. And when the world turned fucking ugly, I held on to that belief. And when I try my best to keep justice true, I just end up getting fucked over myself."

L was confused, ashamed, hurt and angry at the same time.

"It's not true. I didn't think you were the Kitchen Killer until a few hours ago."

"But you never trusted me, did you?"

"How could I!? You are a part time worker with an IQ above Einstein's! There is no feasible reason why you aren't in college right now or a member of some governmental think tank, or a detective like me. You live alone and have no family or friends, as far as I know. You have all this time that is completely unaccounted for and you don't think I have a right to be suspicious?" L could no longer keep his voice calm. Light had gotten a rise out of him.

"A right? Why do you get a right to be suspicious? I'm just a delightful stranger you fucked while in the country."

"No you are not."

"That's right. I'm your murder suspect, too." Light spat.

"Now, yes. But not before. Before you were…"

"What? What was I to you? What am I to you?" Light sounded desperate now, and L grew uncomfortable. What was Light to him?

A puzzle to be solved? A living mystery he kept around for entertainment? Light had grown into something more. He was the first person who could match wits with L, make jokes that made him laugh and riddles that challenged him. And L knew he was going to leave one day, and he had been anticipating it for awhile, but for some reason when he thought about leaving Light behind it made his anxious.

He cared for Light. God damn it, he did. And the Light he cared for right now was before him in distress, and he had chosen the role where he would put him in the most pain.

But he was L, the world's greatest detective. He could not afford to care for someone. Too many people depended on him, and Light would only make him weak. He had chosen to become L, and now he had no choice.

"What am I to you?" Light asked once more, his voice quieter.

"You are nothing. You are just one of my toys, nothing more, like the rest of them all." Light, who had somehow gravitated close to L, backed away.

"I don't believe you." He stated.

"Look who is the one in disbelief now?" L mocked, standing up straight and staying firm. As he did so Light visibly slouched.

It was quite for a second

"If I had known that L was a man like you…"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you."

"This whole thing is fucking crazy! I just need to get away. Ryuza… L. I think… I think…" His voice trailed off and his head turned away, his eyes now concentrating heavily on the door.

_You think what? _

"I…" 

His voice was low.

"I… You don't understand what I've been through. I can't be here now. I am not your killer. You are wasting your time with me when the real killer is out there somewhere. And I don't think what we had was nothing. I didn't think it was anything at first, but now I know I was wrong. We had something, what ever the hell it was. And it was something that could have been a lot more. Maybe if you were still just Ryuzaki and I was just Light Akino, but we are not who we were. We never were. But if it meant something to you… If you feel anything for me, anything at all, let me leave. Just… let me go."

He's not Light Akino? No, L couldn't do that now.

He was L. He was L, the world's greatest detective. But right now he couldn't be. He was just L Lawliet, the man who threw away his name, and forsaken any chance at having a personal relationship. He was weak.

"Go." He said quietly.

Light heard and gave him a single nod. L pulled out his phone and dialed for Watari.

A single ring and then he answered.

"Yes?"

"Unlock the door and let Light leave."

"Are you sure?" His mentor asked. Unspoken words were exchanges between them. They had known each other for so long that Watari understood what L thought, and vice versa.

Watari knew what L was doing, and he knew Watari knew what he was doing.

"Yes."

"As you wish."

L closed the phone.

Light wouldn't look him in the eye. His stance had turned defensive; arms crossed and turned away from L.

L had Watari lock the door from the outside as a precaution, and now they had to wait for it to unlock. They didn't have to wait long, the sound if the click could be heard across the room.

At the sound Light immediately went to the door and opened it. He paused, as if to look back, and L held his breath. He wanted Light to look back, to look at him one last time, but he didn't.

**Follow, Favorite, and Review.**

**Thanks to those who have done one, two, or all three of the above.**

**Next chapter is already half written. It was a part of this chapter, but it kept growing so I'll post it separately. Just like how this chapter was originally a part of the one before. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, What is Love.**

**Baby don't hurt me…**

**Don't hurt me… no more…**


	16. Letters of Love

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Letters of Love**

The knives were found that same afternoon. They were found in the middle of the police department, wrapped up in a box with wrapping paper and a bow.

There had been a major security breach. It was suspected it was left there during lunch, when most people had been out.

The security cameras had been overridden, but they were able to find a short clip of an unknown person in the entrance area walking out. A search of the police department after finding the box revealed that the evidence room had been ransacked and even now police officers were sorting through all the mess. It was unclear if anything was missing yet, but it was too much of a coincidence, and what ever was missing was the key to the case at hand.

The box contained exactly eleven kitchen knives, one for every victim so far. Each was a cheap chef knife, varying in length and manufacturer. The handles were wiped clean but the blades still had dried blood. Every knife was individually stored in its own Ziploc bag, which it had been suspected that they had been placed there on the night of the murders they had been used. At the bottom there was a typed message, a list of all the names of the victims.

They were already matching up each knife with each victim, but that was more for the paper work then anything else.

The person who dropped off the box had to be the killer, and L couldn't help but think of Light, who he had cut loose.

It was almost too convenient that as soon as he releases Light, who promised he wasn't the killer, on the same day the Kitchen Killer made his big move. L tried to make his peace with what he did, but he couldn't keep Light off his mind.

This time he couldn't throw himself into the case and forget his personal problems because his personal problems were all over the case.

Light was his number one suspect, but part of him believed Light when he said he was innocent. Or wanted to believe…

This new drive to prove Light innocent made him review over all the old facts.

The killer had a fixation on high school students, but at the same time killed victims from all different demographics. The way he did this was as if to prove he could kill anyone, or that he had power over anyone, or he was killing for a reason or purpose.

The killer used kitchen knives, a different one for every killing. He had held onto each knife in an almost sentimental way.

The way the knives were dropped off meant that a big finale was coming up. This killer wanted people to follow his work and wouldn't just give up his knives and bow out. The killer was trying to give a message.

Was each victim random, decided on nothing other then variety, or were they all planned. The variance in their age and professions was almost too random. But that wasn't the main focus right now.

He was probably going to kill one last victim, someone of significance. Whether it was to the killer or to the community (or both) was unsure. But it was going to be soon. And L knew he had to figure it out in time. He just needed to solve the final clue.

It was something to do with the evidence locker. _And something to do with Light… _He couldn't let that go.

He was right now in the middle of a conference with the lead detectives on the case, and they were waiting for Chief Matsuda to arrive.

Right now they were arguing theories and L half listened as he pondered it himself.

Sighing, L pulled out a copy of the list of names that the killer had left.

The names were listed in descending chronological order.

Luke Adams. Izaya Monoke. Gouki Anahara. Hana Wagu. Toshi Souji. Yoko Hari. Ari Inoue. Gill Deux. Akiko Tanaka. Migumi Nakamura. Ichiro Tamashita.

"Chief Matsuda! Where have you been?"

"What do you have there?"

The sounds of greeting brought L's attention back to the meeting. Through the camera he saw Matsuda looking very grim.

"Big news. Sakura TV just announced they were going to read a letter from the Kitchen Killer at ten this evening."

"What?" Ayizawa exclaimed.

"I have already called the head producer and he claims they don't have the letter yet, but they received a letter from the Kitchen Killer telling them that at exactly nine-fifty-nine they will receive an email from him containing the letter.

I have already sent a team over to retrieve the message and inspect it."

"Thank you, Chief Matsuda. Have them collect the message and bring it here at once."

"Yes sir." Matsuda made a small half bow in the computer's direction and then sat down at the head of the other side of the table.

"Sir, what should we do about Sakura TV? Do you want us to shut down the station and wait for the email to arrive?"

"No. I think in this case if we shut them down the Kitchen Killer would have time to know and send it to another broadcasting station. He obviously wants people to know he has a message to share, else why give Sakura TV a heads up ahead of time, if not to get the hype up and get more viewers?" L reasoned.

"I suggest we set up people at the station to watch, but allow the broadcast to go as planned. We can have twice the amount of police patrolling the streets and be ready to act on anything the letter might hint at." Matsuda suggested.

L was impressed. Matsuda seemed like a bit of a goof, but he had his moments that showed how he got the position of chief. There was seriousness to his actions that he found respectable.

"I agree. Please proceed to do that, and in the meantime try to trace the origins of the current letter. You are dismissed. Please work on the previously assigned tasks as well as this, and contact me if anything comes up."

Everyone nodded and broke, leaving through the door and going to their various positions. Matsuda remained behind, waiting for everyone to leave and then closed the door and turned to the lone computer.

"Sir, if you may, I am worried about something."

"What is it?"

"I'm afraid that the Killer has something big planned. Since it's only one man and he kills only with knives I don't think we have a mass murder in the makes but…" He trailed off, staring into the distance.

"You are afraid he has a single specific target in mind?"

"Yes. I'm afraid it may be you, since too many people know you are working on the case." He seemed genuinely worried.

"Why do you suspect it to be me?" L prodded.

"Well all the killings, they seemed so random, but what if their randomness is intentional? As if anyone can be his victim and he wants to prove it. It might be a challenge to the justice that you stand for." This man was smarter then he looked, having come to a similar conclusion then L, yet stating it in such a clear way.

"I see your concern, but I assure you that I am in a safe location. His letter may just be a challenge to get me out, but that will be his downfall." L replied.

"Are you really sure you're safe? Sometimes the safest locations and the people you trust the most are the most dangerous for you." Matsuda had a distant look again.

"Do you suspect someone in the NPA?" L questioned, not sure where he was going with this.

"No. It's just we lost the Chief… or the old chief of police… years ago to a murder suicide committed by his wife. He was my mentor… Sachiko was such a sweet woman, no one ever suspected…"

"I'm sorry for your loss." L responded, glad the computerized voice hid his own awkwardness about trying to say the right thing. "I am safe. Are you done?"

"Yes. Sorry. Goodbye, Sir." He bowed and left, locking the behind him, leaving the laptop safely confine din the conference room.

L switched off his end and thought over what Matsuda said.

Could he be the target of the Kitchen Killer?

His big finale?

He was in a safe location, having switched hotels as soon as Light left in the middle of all the craziness of the new body and the box of knives.

But Light knew of the old hotel, and could still believe he was located there. And if Light was the Kitchen Killer and was under the impression of where L was then this could be the big move he decided to make.

_Light is innocent_, said that small voice in his head. L did not know where the voice came from.

But Light added up to be so guilty.

On the day L captures him and lets him go the Kitchen Killer drops off all the knives and gets into contact with the media, a big step. Light had promised he would leave, but maybe he wants to leave with a bang? Take out L, the man who wronged him.

What if what Light had said had been the truth, but twisted? Maybe Light had known he was L, and was acting the whole time. Everything he had ever said had all been an act, and Light played L like a fiddle? Maybe the killings were a way to challenge him and battle their wits, like when they played chess, but this time a game of cat and mouse. But who was the real mouse?

And now since L had openly challenged him by announcing his suspicions, Light was ready to try to end him? In that case Light was very intelligent, and would probably assume L switched locations after he left, and therefore may know something L doesn't.

No. He was safe. Watari and him had secured the location twice over.

But the letter to come was ominous, and L could do nothing but wait.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX x

"To those just tuning in, in a matter of five minutes, we will be receiving a message from the infamous Kitchen Killer. Will it be a warning, a confession, or something more dastardly? Stay with us to find out. I advise parents to use their digression with your kids, as we have no idea what the letter will contain." Takada reported.

She was recruited just for this broadcast, since she was a popular reporter with the case, and brought with her even more credibility and viewers. It had been a decision made by Sakura TV, but L couldn't care less.

From his cameras he could see the officers spread out at all the entrances and dispersed within the production crew.

The indicated computer for receiving the letter (which would be coming in electronic form) was placed in a place of honor next to the short haired reporter.

The clock ticked and L waited.

The ding of an email sounded, and the email was pulled up on the Sakura TV computer at the same time L pulled it up on his own.

It was only a short message, and Takada started reading it immediately.

"**Kira walks into the light.**

**An unsung god must claim his right.**

**A dark haired girl who should be dead,**

**Waits where she last saw fire before she bled red."**

Takada finished the poem and fell into a silence as everyone drank in the words.

A riddle.

And not meant for L, but for someone else.

Kira.

"Matsuda, you mentioned Kira before?" L spoke into an ear piece in Matsuda's ear. The channel was open so all the main detectives on the case could hear and work on it together.

"Yes. Kira is a person who had been solving cases and leaving the evidence for the police to find, along with other vigilante acts of justice. He has become an urban legend as the guardian of the people of Tokyo. He is more well known and respected then… well, you."

So L was not the target, but instead this Kira.

Some believe him to be justice. _But I am justice._

"Does anyone know who Kira is?" He asked. Maybe someone on the force had a relationship with him, one similar to Commissioner Gordon and Batman (how ever ridiculous it sounded to think that).

"No one. Kira only communicated to use through mail, and we never found any trace or DNA of who it could be. I'm pretty sure that Kira is just one person with a strong sense of justice and access somehow to the means to do so." Matsuda explained.

L immediately brought up a search of all Kira's contributions to the NPA, along with fan sites and so on. He read over all the information at a rapid pace, easy from years of training. Meanwhile Takada, after a bit of fear mongering about what the riddle had meant, talked about Kira, too.

L was impressed with what he learned. Kira must be a smart man.

And wildly popular, and to some even revered.

_Kira walks into the light…_

Light…

_Maybe you are not the only one who believes the kitchen killer should be caught_. Light's words rang in his head.

_Kira walks into the light._

_Kira walks into the Light._

Was Light Kira? He was very intelligent, and sure had the time to do something of this degree. That would explain what he did in his time off, and why he was a secretive as L.

So was Light the target? The message had been a riddle… or a code… one the killer knew Kira could solve.

Or maybe they wanted L to think that?

Or was Light both Kira and the Kitchen Killer and he did this only to trick L.

Maybe Light really had been against him from the beginning and this was a trap to get L to act.

But Kira seemed honestly good, and Light was very possibly Kira. In fact L was sure of it now.

_Kira walks into the light…_

_An unsung god must claim his right._

Unsung? Maybe this had to do with the fact that Kira hid his identity like L, and the Kitchen Killer wanted to unmask him. God… meaning how Kira is said to walk the streets at night to save the weak? And the part about having to claim his right, what kind of right? The right of recognition? Or the right of revenge from the people he put behind bars?

Not, the Kitchen Killer was not associated with those likes, he worked independently. A night god… maybe he was one of the ones who worshiped Kira?

_A dark haired girl who should be dead…_

It sounded like a code, a secret, or a memory from the past. What ever it meant, it meant something to Kira. The Killer must know who Kira is, or have some idea. _Kira walks into the Light._ The Killer knows Light is the Kira. _Light is in danger._

_Waits where she last saw fire before she bled red._

It was an location and an invitation. A pull. A trap. Somewhere the Killer was certain only he and Kira would be able to figure out. The Killer wanted to meet Kira face to face. A meeting Kira will likely not leave unscathed _or with his life._

This was a clear message. The Killer meant to challenge Kira.

The Killer meant to kill Light.

And Light is the kind of person who would go to him. Especially in the state L had left him in.

He had to stop Light from going. He had to save him.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

He had provided everyone one with a picture of Light and had all the officers deployed on the streets looking for him. At this point he was certain that Light was Kira.

All the evidence that had pointed him to being the Kitchen Killer almost also made sense to him being Kira. His intelligence, all the extra time he had that was a mystery what he did it with, the way he was secretive…

But some things were left unanswered like why he was on the bridge that night and how he and L came to meet. Was it truly all a coincidence or had Kira meant to size up his competitor to solve crimes?

Was Kira working on solving this case, provoking the wrath of the Killer? Had he gotten closer to solving it than L? Many questions surfaced and L had to sort them in his mind, theorizing where no answers could be found

Matsuda had come to him half an hour after he had released Light's photo and started the man hunt.

At the time L had been doing a million things at the same time. He was managing the police search while conducting one of him own via satellite and video cameras, and binge eating sugar cubes by the pack, amongst other things.

Through a security camera L could see Matsuda entering the small conference room where L's laptop was set up, and closed the door behind him.

"Light Yagami." Matsuda said.

L's full attention immediately turned to Matsuda at the sound of Light's name, dropping a sugar cube onto the keyboard.

Matsuda was staring intensely at the ornate L on the screen and spoke again, not waiting to see if L was listening. "You're looking for Light Yagami. That's who is in the picture you sent around."

"Light… Yagami?" L repeated. The first name came easily, but the second seemed weird to pair it up with.

"He was the son of Soichiro Yagami. The old police chief. He's… supposed to be dead."

_Dead?_ "What do you mean dead?"

"By all accounts he… committed suicide years ago. Five and a half…"

Impossible. L brought up a search of Light Yagami, and felt a shock go through him as he saw a younger Light staring back at him. He wore a bored and slightly annoyed face in the picture. It was his high school student ID picture, and following it on L's search was his death certificate. Seeing Light's name on it made a chill go up his spine. "How can this be?"

"Many years ago Light's father was killed by his mother and Light was sent into foster care at the age of seven. He was never adopted and was living with one of his many host families since. I guess he had managed to make friends, but one day they went to the amusement park and his friend, Shiori, was shot by a bus hijacker. She died on scene and that was where Light was last seen alive. They found his wallet a few days later in a river. They pronounced his death a suicide." Matsuda explained.

L wasn't sure what to think. He though back to the night he found Light on the bridge, insisting he wasn't committing suicide.

"And Light was dead… until now. When I saw that picture, it looked too much like him, so I went into some old files and found a DNA sample of Light. You see, he had come to the station a lot with his dad, so we'd entertain him and try to educate him. I took his DNA one day and told him if he ever got in trouble we'd catch him. He found it very amusing. I compared it to the unknown DNA from the most recent murder… You said he was not the killer, but the key to finding the killer? So does this mean Light is alive and innocent?" Matsuda presented the test and L went over the results, cross matching them to his own DNA samples of Light.

"Yes. The DNA test does not lie. And I know Light is not the killer. I believe he is more than just the key. Matsuda, I believe Light is Kira."

"Kira… That makes so much sense! Light always had a strong sense of justice thanks to his father. Light used to joke he'd become the next chief before I got my next promotion…"

"Matsuda." L interrupted his ramblings. "This is not the time. Remember about Kira?"

"What about Kir… oh. Oh no. Light's in trouble! We have to do something!" Matsuda exclaimed.

L inwardly sighed. "I already have all the police man power in Tokyo and in the greater Tokyo area looking for him. But I fear if we don't catch him…"

"He'll walk right into the trap. But it's not really a trap, is it? Light will know exactly what he's walking into." Matsuda reasoned, but L knew better.

"It's a challenge. And he'll do it. Of what I know of Light, he'll do it. And we have to stop him."

Yagami. Night god. _An unsung god…_

Light was not the killer. He was about to be the victim. L trusted him. L had to save him.

**Bum bum Baaaaaaaaaa!**

**The big reveal has happened! L knows who Light really is, and vice versa! But will L stop Light in time from walking into the killer's clutches? Will all the truths come out? And will we finally know who the Kitchen Killer truly is?**

**Tune in next chapter to find out!**

**Review and follow!**

**Side note: I know DNA tests can take awhile, not really sure how long, but let's say the DNA is already processed and just has to be matched, and blah blah science blah makes sense. I don't know much about DNA tests, but I try my best, and this way it's more dramatic and conclusive.**

**Quick clarification: L assumed Light was going to be killed because the Killer seems to be challenging Kira for justice or seeking his approval (which he won't get), and with his killing record he assumes things are going to end not well. And now that he knows Light is ****Kira…**

**I feel the riddle poem is a little much, but it works for me, so I hope it works for you.**

**Did you hear about all those hipsters that died? It was horrible.**

**They got into lava before it was cool.**


	17. Returning Love

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Returning Love**

The sun was setting, and Light was relaxed back in a bench, his eyes closed and his head back, so if his eyes were open he'd be staring at the roof of the buildings. From the outside he looked like a completely at peace young adult, in ruffled clothes, probably napping after a long day at work.

At least that what everyone around him thought, if they thought about him at all. The bench was in the middle of a shopping district, surrounded by stores and hundreds upon hundreds of shoppers, tourists, policemen, and so on. Light was just another face in many, so those who did note his presence soon forgot about him. It was a perfect hiding place.

Light was not sure how long he had been sitting there but hours had gone by. Things had gotten overwhelming so he went to the one place he could think of to escape it all.

This was where he Shiori and Mikami would sit when Shiori led them out on day excursions to go shopping. Light came back here on his own back then and now just to sit and watch people go by.

After leaving the hotel Light started thinking. His mind raced a million miles a minute and he just couldn't take it.

At first he was anger. Really, really anger. Just pissed off.

He hated L with a fiery passion. He had once looked up to that man as L, as savior of the world, as justice. But L was just another human like him. Full of flaws. Imperfect.

All this time L had been someone just a few years older than him, yet he had accomplished so much more.

What did this mean of Kira?

Kira protected the weak, yet was limited to Japan, and L's reach covered the entire world. But L was wrong. He accused Light of being the murderer, but he was innocent.

Light never killed anyone.

At least not with his own hands. He had never held the knife… he had never held the gun…

Why did L let him go? Was Light being watched? Did L want to see his next move? If Light tried to runaway, would it make L assume he was guilty?

But what if…. What if when L let him go, he did it for another reason… that their time together actually meant something…

It didn't matter… if he did or didn't feel anything.

They did not have a future. They never did. And L made his choice. L was, if one thing, true to his symbol. Light could no longer expect anything from him. Ryuzaki was dead to him. L was no one to him.

What was important now was figuring out the next step.

Light Akino could be no more. He was once just a nice face on an otherwise invisible man, with a small job, no family, no connections; one that could easily melt away from existence. Now he was a suspect in a murder. If he stayed it wouldn't take L too long to discover the truth.

The truth that Light Akino was fake. His name a weak key to his past. That all his files were falsified. That he was connected the Kira. No, that he was Kira. That Light Akino was actually Light Yagami, the poor pathetic orphan who everyone he ever cared about left him and it was all his fault.

His fault.

Light had to move on. He had to leave and disappear again. If he did that, where would he go and what would he do? Would Kira live on? Could he be Kira if he left?

Who would he be now?

What did it mean when L let him go?

How did Shiori come back?

Who was that girl?

Did he kill those people?

L said he was connected to the case…

He was, wasn't he?

The first death happened on the anniversary of his parent's death. The night he can hardly remember through the fever.

The boy he had seen. He was just a teen. Sixteen or seventeen. A tennis player…

The blood…

Was Shiori back?

What would he do now?

Why did L let him go?

Kira?

It was all too much. Hence why he was slumped over on a bench for the past hours. This turmoil had been buzzing around in his head the whole time.

He would probably have stayed like that indefinitely if not for a chance hearing of a girl's particularly sharp voice.

"What do you think the Kitchen Killer is going to announce tonight? Do you think he's going to turn himself in?" She chatted to some unseen friend.

Light opened his eyes and sat up, looking for the source of that voice. He spotted a girl four feet away wrapped up in a pink fluffy coat with a mousy friend beside her. Light jumped up and rushed to her, only barely trying to make his desperate action seem normal.

He tapped the girl on the shoulder and straightened up, running his hand through his hair and trying to get rid of the wrinkles on his shirt to hide the fact that he has been wearing these clothes for close to 48 hours. He slipped on his casual smile, the one he knew that would make a girl like her swoon.

"Hi! My name is Jiro. Sorry to bother you, but did you say the Kitchen Killer was going to announce something?" /light asked.

The girl giggled and flipped her hair as she spoke, "Yes. I did. My name's Mami. Didn't you hear about it?"

Light, annoyed at a delayed answer, widened his smile and hung his head playfully to the side. "No. I got off work not to long ago and have been sleeping ever since. On that bench over there, you might have seen me."

"No I didn't. The Killer is suppose to send a message to SakuraTV tonight at ten. They are going to broadcast reading it for the entire world to see. Well, all of Japan at least. Exciting, right? I think he's going to turn himself in because he fears Kira."

Light kept his smile and gave her a bow. "Thank you Mami. I have to get going now."

As he left he heard her calling after him. "What about getting a cup of coffee later? Jiro? What do you say? JIRO!"

xXxXxXxXxXx

It was almost ten and Light was sitting in a bar. He had changed into a fresh pair of clothes at his apartment.

It was not wise to go back but he had to. He decommissioned all of his computers and destroyed anything that might be of any use, though nothing he had ever allowed to stay in his apartment was.

He changed into a new pair of clothes, but reluctantly gave up the shower, not wanting to stay too long. He left the kitchen a mess like it had been; only taking the time to go in and pick up the charms he had dropped. He had fished his emergency money out of the vent, too, and put on a new pair of shoes. He spent only a minute or less looking at the wound on the back of his head. His hair covered it for the most part, but when he moved it he saw that it had stopped bleeding but still looked fresh. He debated bandaging it but decided it would be too noticeable, so he left it be, ignoring the dull pain it still provided. At least the dizziness had subsided…

He left, knowing he would never go back, leaving behind his wallet and phone. He was used to leaving homes and possessions behind. What was it but being transferred from one foster home to another? If L did go looking for him he'd see this and know he wouldn't find Light Akino as Light Akino anymore.

He then decided to watch the SakuraTV broadcast from a bar which was sure to be playing this for all its patrons.

He drank a beer to not look out of place, but sipped it slowly to make it last and have no need to order another.

Light knew he probably should be on the move now, but he had to hear the announcement. L was on the case, but if Kira could do anything to solve the case and clear Light's name… the people of Tokyo believed in Kira. If that girl had proven anything, it was that Tokyo would not easily forget Kira. If Light did solve this case then Kira could leave with one final good act. He couldn't keep being Kira… The fact that he even thought about abandoning his post meant he was not the person everyone believed Kira to be.

When the broadcast began he watched and waited for 10pm to roll around. The tv station built up to it, driving up ratings and making it's viewers heavy with anticipation. When 10 finally came around, Light set down his beer an gave his full attention.

That was when Takada read the message.

Light felt his blood turn cold instantly.

It was meant for him.

"**Kira walks into the light.**

**An unsung god must claim his right.**

**A dark haired girl who should be dead,**

**Waits where she last saw fire before she bled red."**

Someone knew who he was. Someone knew his name was Ligth and that he was Kira. And they knew about Shiori.

Shiori.

Shiori was alive? Shiori was real? Was Shiori in danger or was she the killer?

Shiori would never be the killer. She was not that kind of person. But the Shiori he had seen. He hadn't slept since and he still remembers her cold expression as he chased after her.

_Waits where she last saw fire before she bled red…_

This was a message soley for Light, and if the Killer really knew Light then he would know he last saw Shiori the day she died.

They had gone to the amusement park with Mikami. He had left early and they stayed behind to watch… to watch the fireworks.

The fireworks!

Shiori was at the amusement park!

Light immediately stood up and ran out of the bar, ignoring the angry shouts of the bartender about the tab he hadn't paid. No one put up a chase, all entranced by the riddle.

The streets were more empty then Light had ever seen them, but as he ran he saw crowds of people gathered around TV sets. He heard cheers for Kira, encouraging him to take the Kitchen Killer down, and concern, warning Kira to be safe. If only they knew who Kira was, and how weak he really was.

It was a trap. The Kitchen Killer wanted to lure Light somewhere no one would be, not this late in the middle of the winter. He wanted Light alone. He wanted Light there, now. Other wise he would have put a time. He knew Light would come right away. He knew Light stood alone.

Shiori must be in danger. She must. She was not the killer. Light was not the killer. The Kitchen Killer had he hostage, and Light only could save her.

xXxXxXxXxXx

The amusement park was all the way on the other side of Tokyo, so Light ran to the nearest train and got on. Sadly, since there was nothing else he could do, Light had to just stand there and pace as he waited for the long journey to come to an end.

As he passed all the facts of the case flew through his mind.

L had said he knew it was somehow connected to Light, and he was right, just wrong in the how.

All the faces and names of the dead flashed through his head and that's when he realized it.

He felt sick, and finally sat down, unable to control his shaking.

The first names. The first letters of all the first names. Put in chronological order they spelled out his name.

Luke Adams. Izaya Monoke. Gouki Anahara. Hana Wagu. Toshi Souji. Yoko Hari. Ari Inoue. Gill Deux. Akiko Tanaka. Migumi Nakamura. Ichiro Tamashita.

Lke. Izaya. Gouki. Hana. Toshi. Yoko. Ari. Gill. Akiko. Migumi. Ichiro.

I

This was not a coincidence. They were killed for him.

They were all killed because of him.

Shiori was about to be killed because of him.

Shiori was already dead.

But he was waiting for him at the park.

"I'm waiting for you right here, Light." Shiori said. She was back, sitting across him on the train. The car Light was in was empty, besides him and Shiori. Why, Light didn't know or care.

"No. You are in danger." Light explained.

"I was in danger. You are in danger now." She replied.

"All those people…" Light said hopelessly.

"What is a few more drops of blood on a bloody ledger?" Shiori asked.

Light stared at her, his heart sinking.

"This is not you, Shiori. You were so kind…"

"I am not really Shiori. She is dead. I don't know who you are rushing to save now, Light. But I hope you save someone. I hope you save yourself."

Light stared at her, hurt.

"I don't need saving. I need nothing."

"You are lost." She said.

Light wanted to say no, but he couldn't. He looked away for a second to glance out the window into the dark world outside, but when he looked back Shiori was gone.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Eventually the train stopped at the stop for the amusement park, but Light's journey was not over. Normally a shuttle would pick up park-goers from here and drive them to the park entrance, but they did not run in the winter.

Light was able to flag down a taxi to take him the final distance.

"Where would you like to go?" The driver asked. It was an old man with hair that had already turned gray.

"The amusement park entrance, please." Light told.

"You know it's closed, don't you?"

"Yes. I know. But drive me there. Don't ask anymore questions. I'll pay you double the fair."

"Yes, sir." The driver nodded.

The rest of the ride was silent, but when they arrived as Light went to pay the driver waved him off.

"I know this may not be my place, but you look very upset right now. I don't feel right charging you. Do you have anyone you could call right now? I have a phone if you don't have one."

"Thank you for your concern, sir, but I assure I'm just fine." Light replied with a curt nod.

As he closed the door the driver called out to him before driving off. "You know, boy, someone cares about you. Don't forget about them!"

No one did. Light waved the driver off with a sad smile.

To get in the park was supposed to be a difficult task, but the first door he tested was unlocked.

The Killer was waiting for him. He didn't want Light to have any difficulties.

Taking a deep breath he went inside and found himself in a world of darkness. No lights were on to illuminate the park. The dark buildings of the main area loomed before him. In the distance he could see the tall rides outlines by the stars of the clear night sky. The cobble street was clean and cold.

Light knew where he was, having memorized the layout of the park from the one time he had been here.

She was somewhere in here. They had watched the fireworks while walking around the park, and left before they finished. But they had watched most of them in here. Light retraced him path the best he could remember through the night, keeping an eye open for any sign of anything. Minutes went by, and the only thing he could hear was the sounds of his own footsteps and breathing.

Finally, he reached an area that resembled more a Japanese garden the an amusement park. Traditional stone paths wove through fauna and flora, making tiny bridges over water and leading to traditional half-moon bridges, whose reflections could not be seen in the black water below.

But what was really important was there was light ahead. In a red traditional-styled gazebo there were candles arranged out on the railings. And in the middle of the gazebo sat a shadowed woman with long hair upon a chair, her back turned to Light.

_Shiori_.

Light started running again, tripping over roots and splashing in streams. Everything he had learned about stealth was forgotten as he rushed to save her.

"Shiori!" He called out, but got no answer.

"Shiori!"He called out again. Still nothing. He finally reached her and circled the chair to face her and saw something he had not expected.

No Shiori sat in that chair, real or fake, dead or alive. Instead Misa in a dark wig stared up at him, tears in her eyes and a gag in her mouth.

Light stared at her in shock, but as she began to squirm he snapped out of it and went to undo her gag.

As soon as she did she exclaimed.

"Kira-kun! Run! He's after you! He wants you, not me! It's a trap! Leave before he gets back!"

Before Light could react he heard a cough. Misa immediately fell silent and stared at horror at something behind Light. Light slowly turned around to the sound of the noise and the direction of Misa's horror.

That was when he saw Mikami standing in front of him, knife in one hand, gun in the other, both pointed to Light's heart.

xXxXxXXXXXxxxxXxxXXxxx

**Chapter End.**


	18. Love and Death

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Love and Death**

"Oh god, Light. It's been so long. So long since I've gotten to see you so close. You have no idea how much I've missed you." Mikami exclaimed. His face was euphoric.

"It him! It's him! Run, Kira-kun, run!"

"Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! Speak again and I will kill you right away." Mikami screamed, stamping his foot and waving his weapons.

Misa turned pale and bite her lip, shrinking into the chair, absolutely terrified. She was not only once gagged, but bound to the chair in which she sat.

"Mikami. Calm down. What's going on?" Light asked.

Mikami looked at him and immediately the angered expression melt back into the unsettlingly happy one.

"I'm sorry Light. I didn't want to be interrupted. I just have missed you so much, and I never liked sharing you, but it is necessary for her to be here. Don't worry, I'll explain everything. I know you have a lot of questions, feel free to sit if you want."

Light just stared at him, making no move to sit down or stop standing in front of Misa, separating her from Mikami. He kept an eye on the gun and knife, and Mikami noticed and relaxed the gun hand.

"This? I know, illegal. I got it from a client as a payment bonus. Didn't want it but it proved handy. Much easier to make Blondie be obedient when I needed her to be. Let me get rid of it, I don't need it any more."

Mikami tossed the gun away. It landed with a plop into the water, leaving Mikami standing alone with a knife and the unsettling smile.

Light's childhood friend had changed so much since he had last seen him. He had grown taller, and his frame had thickened. Not that he was fat but he was no longer the sickly thin teenage boy he had one been. His hair was still long and black and his skin still very pale. No school uniform anymore, but instead an ensemble not too different from Light's; pressed slacks and a button up dress shirt under an open tan trench coat.

But he was still very much his old friend. The way he held himself was like he had before. And the way he looked at Light was the same. Only now did Light really see how obsessively Mikami had always gazed at him. How closely he watched his every move, and seemed to reveal in very moment of it.

Though the gun was gone he still held that knife and Light couldn't help but stare at it. It was a kitchen knife.

_No… not him…_

"I know. It's beautiful, isn't it? Don't you recognize this knife? I made sure that I had it for this night, just for you. It's special, you see. This knife was the knife your mom used to stab your dad!" Mikami practically jumped with excitement.

Light froze. He quickly glanced at Mikami's face then back at the knife, and now he saw it.

It's funny, you don't think someone could remember the knife of such a situation, especially a plain old kitchen knife, not when there was so much else to overwhelm the mind. But Light knew that knife. He had see his mom use it so many times before. The nine inches of high carbon stainless steel. The distinct curve and the Japanese lettering near the base, before the tang disappeared into a treated wooden handle, worn from many years of use. And worse… the distinct staining of dried blood, as they had kept the knife as it was when they bagged it for evidence.

"I picked it up from the police station today and left a present behind. The knives from my works. Artifacts, one could say. I imagine they will be put into a museum "

"What is wrong with you?" Misa exclaimed. She quickly fell silent again with a dark look from Mikami.

Mikami looked back up and Light and his expression softened. "I am sure you are very confused, Light, but let me explain… I think I'll have to start from the very beginning for you to understand fully. Not that I'll doubt you'll understand."

Mikami took a sigh and began.

"It started the day I first saw you. You were the new kid at school. Everyone could tell just by looking at you that you were something special. You were already tall, athletic, and brilliant.

"You eclipsed my thoughts from the very first mement. All I wanted to do is be with you, but the question was how? You were so aloof. Though you smiled at all the right cues and made conversation with the others, when you could you excluded yourself from all those around you. You ate alone. You studied alone. Some how for group projects teachers let you do them alone. All I could do was watch from afar and wait. I needed a way to be with you so badly…

"One day I worked up the courage to join you on that bench for lunch and you let me stay! It was amazing. I came back everyday, waiting for the day you would tell me to leave you alone but you never did. You accepted me into your world. The other kids at school never liked me. But you did. You did.

"It felt amazing to finally have a friend. I got you to talk to me in class instead of studying, shutting yourself off from everyone. And when you did study we studied together. I had never had someone willing to help me before. The next group project that came up I was able to convince you to join with me."

Light's heart burned. He had felt the same for Mikami. Finally having a friend who seemed to understand him after being alone for so long… a friend who asked nothing of him…

"I though I was living the perfect life, until that girl came around. Shiori. I have no idea what possessed you to invite her to join us for lunch, but at first I hated it. I hated her. She was interrupting the flow we had created. She was taking time with you away from me. But then Shiori managed to open you up. She gave me time with you beyond school and studying. She brought out a side of you that I only dreamed to see. She made you laugh and relax. She help bring that light to your eyes when you smiled. I accepted her for that, and she accepted me. I saw that she also saw you for what you were. That she admired you, loved you, needed you as much as I did. And you needed her, just like you needed me. We were three. And we three became one."

Mikami seemed close to tears, his grip on the knife loosening. Light would have acted and tried to get the knife out of his hand, but the story he was being told slowed him from acting, and before he knew it the moment disappeared and a dark look flashed over Mikami's face.

"Fate was cruel. We all believed in justice but injustice was dealt on us. My parents were moving away. They wanted me to come with them. No matter what I said I could change their minds. They gave me only a few days notice. They didn't understand. I needed you and you needed me. But at the time I thought I'd be able to make it. I could train to Tokyo and visit you on the weekends and during breaks. We could exchange letters… or talk on the phone. If it was a three way call I know Shiori would be able to make you talk. It seemed like I might be able to survive… I never should have left. I was punished for leaving. How was I supposed to know what would happen?

"It was the worst day of my life. I had to say goodbye to my only friends. Then the next thing I knew I was told they both died. Shiori was shot by a nutter with a gun and you… you had commited suicide."

The dark night seemed to darken even more around Light. He stared helplessly as Mikami continued.

"I thought it was because of me. Because both me and Shiori had left you. If I had never left we'd both still be with you. But I left and Shiori died and we left you alone. You disappeared and when the police found your wallet in the river… We all thought you were dead.

"I went mad with grief. But on the inside. I knew I could let you down and get locked away. You believed in justice… you were the light…I needed to find a way to continue that light. I studied harder then ever before. I became a law student. I am almost a lawyer now! I spent years in school learning all about the law and what I can do for justice…. But the path didn't feel right. Without you, life just didn't seem right.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you. I moved back to Tokyo and looked for you everyday, hoping that they were all wrong and that you weren't dead. I searched and I searched and then one day, after years of searching, I finally saw you. I wonder how many times I had been close to seeing you, but just missed you. When I think about it, it drives me mad. But after seeing you nothing mattered anymore.

"It was a dark and stormy night, but it was the most beautiful night in the history of man. I saw you like a brilliant blaze flashing back into my life and I wanted to run to you. I wanted to throw myself in your arms and never let go.

"But I couldn't. I had left you. Shiori and I had failed our promise to stay by your side. I caused you to fake your own death and start a new one. I could see it on your face that night. You were in pain. You were lost. You looked haunted. When I snuck closer to get a better look I heard you call out for Shiori but knew she would never come. I knew you needed me again, too. I needed to prove myself worthy to you… but how? I followed you, looking for a sign, and saw you on that bridge. I saw you with that mystery man. I saw him take you with him and disappear, taking my place at your side.

"I grew angry. I had been replaced! I had missed my chance! But then I realized what night it was. It was the bloody anniversary of your parent's death. The day you told Shiori and me about your parents was unforgettable. To hear how your mom had wanted you so much to herself that she killed your father just to be alone with you was inspirational. Of course she killed for the wrong reason, which she realized and had to kill herself to make up for it. What she should have done was kill for you.

"I could do that. I could kill for you. I could prove my love for you by killing someone in you name, to save them from the pains of this world. To bright them to another one where everything is more like you. Light.

"I remembered the boy… the American boy… he went by my apartment everyday to get to school. He had reminded me of my school days with you. He would be perfect. His name even began with the same letter.

"Taking inspiration from your mother I decided on a kitchen knife and went to where I knew he'd be that night… I waited for him in an alley and when I saw him I grabbed him. He struggled but I kept control. I explained to him why I was doing what I was doing but it wouldn't calm him so I decided to liberate him so his torture on this earth would be over.

"It felt amazing. I knew why your mom had stabbed so many times. Each stab was like being closer to you. Sharing your past. Sharing the blood. Spilling it, all for you.

"The next day I looked for you again. I didn't follow the mystery man the night before so I had to find you all over again. It took me days. I was beginning to loose hope. But then by a miracle I saw you again.

"But it wasn't you. It was Kira on a mission. You were Kira! You were on a mission to bring justice to the world! I followed you and saw everything! Then I followed you to your apartment. I would have gone up to you the night to tell you what I have done but after seeing who you really were I couldn't. I wasn't ready.

"I had admired Kira before. He had done amazing things. But Kira hadn't been you. I believed in him but it wasn't the same. But after discovering you were Kira I finally understood.

"You are no mere human. You are a god. A god sent to earth to feel the pan of the world and try to heal it. That was why you lived a life of strife, so you could understand it better. But sadly being a god, you couldn't hide you divinity completely, which is why you were so perfect and why everyone wanted you so much. You couldn't bring yourself out of the world and leave it to rot, you believed in saving it. That is why you became Kira, to be justice for the weak.

"But I could see it. Being on the earth is also slowly killing you. Your tired face. The way crime and evil never ended. It drains your divinity and you needed to be saved. Shiori and I helped you find the joy of the world, but we left you. One death in your name would not be enough to make up for it.

"I needed to free more people. More, more! I picked out people from all walks of life to show how you meant to save everyone, the weak, the old, the rich, the young. The famous and the invisible. I chose them carefully. All in your name. Literally your name. I thought it was a nice touch, so at the end people knew who I did this for. I'm sure you already realized this.

"What I needed next was a way to present them to you. To show you what I have done. At the same time I couldn't let you stay on this earth anymore. I had seen you go to that hotel. I knew you were with the mystery man. The man who was replacing me. I simply could not allow that. I couldn't just kill him out of jealousy. That was the mistake your mom made. I would spare him, let him keep living in this rotten world. You and I would leave this world together. Just like in school.

"But it was the three of us in school… and unlike you,

Shiori did not come back from the dead. I had seen her body at the funeral. She was good and dead and already free, but we needed another to leave with us. To complete the number. You had chosen a new Shiori, just like you were trying to replace me, solving the problem of who would go with us. I saw you save Misa here from that gang. You were kind to her, just like you had been with Shiroi. You had even given her your coat. And when you left I saw that she had also seen what I had seen in you. That you were no ordinary man, you were something more.

"You see, Misa and I have something in common. She stalked you and found out where you lived. I could see the devotion to you through her actions as I followed her to make sure she was right for us. She believed in Kira and knew his true identity and could see you for the god you were.

"Meanwhile, I kept killing, completing my task, waiting, and keeping tabs on both of you so you would not disappear on me. But near the end I came across the most interesting situation. I had finally had a witness to one of my killings. It was a high school girl. She had unfortunately seen me free her friend from this life. What was interesting wad that she looked almost exactly like Shiori. It was close to a perfect match. It was just so… delicious. I couldn't resist. Her name was not right so her death would be wrong, but I could have a little fun with her. I threatened her that I would kill her and her family if she did not do me a little favor and she was surprisingly compliant.

"To celebrate almost being done I decided to show you my work early, up close and personal beyond what you had seen in the papers. I made sure my last victim was a male high school student, the same age we had been before being separated, to join the other three I had killed before. I made sure this one was a tennis player, and had his tennis equipment with him, as a throwback to you. My two previous victim were high school students too, for Shiori and I. The Shiori-look-alike I had grab your attention and lead you to the body. Don't worry about her, she's all right. Just a little traumatized. But she'll be over it soon enough like everyone else once they understand why and see you for the god you are.

"Now I just had to find a way to bring us all together and make it special. I broke into the police headquarters and raided the evidence room to find the knife your mom had used and dropped off the others. It was amazingly easy. I expected a bit more of a challenge but the security was so predictable. Then I alerted the media that I was going to send out a message. I had no way of knowing if you'd go home that night or not so I thought it would be best to alert the whole city so you would hear it and they would hear it and think of you. After that I captured our blonde Shiori, gave her a nice wig for fun, and stored her until it was time to release the message. Then I moved her here and waited for you to come, and you did! It is all just as I had planned…"

Misa and Light had listened to Mikami's story in silence but at this point Misa began shouting at Mikami, calling him sick and twisted but Light could barely hear her words. Mikami shouted back at her but his words were lost too.

Mikami had done this all for him… it was horrifying.

All those people… they had died such horrible deaths in agony with his name in their minds. They probably cursed his existences as Mikami drove a knife into their stomachs in his name.

Mikami… What happened to him? He had always been odd but never like this… Had he really been like this the entire time? Light had driven him to insanity. Mikami didn't leave him, he left Mikami. He abandoned him and let Mikmai think he was dead all because he could deal with the guilt of Shiori's death. All because he felt weak and abandoned himself. He was selfish and now Mikami had gone crazy and killed so many because of him.

Thank god he never discovered who the mystery man really was. No matter how confused Light felt about L he felt terrified at the thought of him being one of Mikami's victims.

L! L might have been watching him, and if he was he would know where Light was. Maybe he would come and save him and Misa. But that would mean L didn't really care about Light and had only ever seen him as the killer… but then Light would be saved. But if L truly did let him go, that meant nobody knew where he was and he was going to die.

Why should he care if he died or not? He had no where to go. He had no one… no one left but Mikami. But he had to save Misa. She was innocent. Her only crime was being obsessed with the worst person in the world to take an interest in. She had truly tried to help him solve this case and he brushed her off because he was too weak to see what was in front of his eyes. If he could not get away himself he had to save Misa.

Light held up a hand for them to be quite, which they did, Misa biting her lip to stop another insult.

"Mikami. Let Misa go. She is no one in this story. She is not the new Shiori. She is just an innocent. Let her go."

"But Light… I thought you chose her!" Mikami looked distraught, slouching his shoulders, his knife hand trembling.

"No Mikami. You are wrong. This is not what I wanted. Let her go."

"No! We need to be together! I won't allow it!" Mikami yelled, shaking and stamping his foot.

"I don't want her!" Light yelled back, demanding the crazed man's attention. Both Misa and Mikami flinched at the loudness of his voice. "Let's go back to the way it was before. Just us. We never needed Shiori. We don't need Misa. Let her go." These words were spoken calmly and Mikami paused and considered them.

"Just us?" Mikami's voice was quiet. He sounded as if he couldn't believe what he heard.

"You and me." Light promised.

After a silence he agreed and allowed Light to untie Misa. Light circled the chair and crouched down to undo her bonds. He was no afraid of Misa being attacked because he felt Mikami was just impatient right now to have her go away, so he and Light could die together without her. As he untied her she pleaded with him to come with her and run, but Light knew better that if he tried Mikami would most likely attack and kill them both. He had overpowered eleven people before them, he obviously knew how to be as fatal as possible.

When Misa was free she immediately tried to cling to Light but he kept her at a distance and looked her square in the face. He concentrated hard, hoping she'd finally listen to him.

"Misa. You said you wanted to help me once. Leave now. That is what I ask of you. Leave this park and don't try to come back."

Her eyes gleamed with tears and she nodded. Light would have watched her go but his gaze immediately went back to his old friend with the knife, which was once again raised and ready to strike.

Eventually he could hear her no longer and he knew they were alone.

"Now it's truly like the old times. I think I understand… There was only one Shiori. And there would only ever be one me. I'm sorry Light! I'm so sorry for thinking I was replaceable, but here you are, proving your devotion to our friendship!"

Misa was gone. She was safe.

"Mikami…" Light sighed. What was he going to do now? Light decided he'd try talking Mikami out of it. "What happened to you? Killing it wrong. You know that."

"Light!" The pain in Mikami's voice went right through Light. "I killed for you!"

"I didn't ask for this! Why would I want you to kill people?" _I never asked for this. I never asked for anything._

"To prove my loyalty! They were already dying in this rotten world. I tried to be the justice we believed in!"

"Justice isn't killing the innocent!" He yelled back.

"Justice is what ever you say it is! And I know you believe it is liberating the innocent from evil!"

"The only evil I see right now is you." When the words left Light's mouth the expression on Mikami's face darkened and any traces of his old friend were gone completely.

"Evil? You think I'm evil? Who killed his parents? Who killed Shiori? Who really killed my victims? It was you. You are the central cause to it all!"

His word hit Light hard. Until now no one had ever voiced the thoughts that poisoned his mind. That he had been the reason Shiori and his father had die, and the reason why his mom went insane. It drove him insane. And now Mikami said it, confirming he was not the only on who thought this way. _How many others blamed him? _

What he should have done was keep trying to talk Mikami down but instead he stumbled backwards in shock. It just set Mikami off.

Mikami launched himself at Light, who was unable to avoid the attack and came crashing to the ground under the weight. Light struggle to push Mikami off him but it quickly turned into a struggle to control his knife had, to keep it away from him and to try to wrestle it out of his grasp.

"Why are you doing this, Light? Why won't you just let me kill you!"

"Get off Mikami! Drop the knife! You don't have to do this!"

"I didn't kill all those people for nothing! I just wanted you! Now let me have you!"

They were rolling around now on the floor of the gazebo. Mikami kept getting the advantage, managing to pin Light below him and try stabbing motions towards him chest but Light grip on his arm kept the knife from hitting its target.

"Mikami! Stop this! Where is the Mikami I knew years ago? This isn't you!"

"It's always been me! Light, open your eyes and embrace the truth!"

"No, this isn't who you are!"

"If I have changed at all it's because of you. It's all because of you!"

Eventually the thrashing around allowed Mikami to bang Light's head on a pillar and instantly Light's world blurred and pain paralyzed him. Mikami had cause him to rehit his head in the exact location he had been injured before. He could feel the warm blood seeping out but the pain was extreme enough that he could stop Mikami from successfully trapping Light and retching his knife hand free from Light's grasp.

"Mikami… please…" Light begged.

"I love you, Light Yagami." Mikami said, and then let out a crazed laugh-sob as he brought the knife down and plunged it into Light.

**End of Chapter**


	19. Racing to Love

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Racing to Love**

"Okay, just sit down and explain."

"Thank you."

"Now can you explain why you are here again? Start from the beginning and use full detail."

"Yes. My name is Katsuyuki Ohno and I am a taxi driver. Well, not too long ago I picked up a passenger. I'm not sure how long, but after five minutes of indecision I decided to come straight here. Anyways, I picked up this passenger. I sensed from the beginning that something was wrong. He looked really stressed and upset. He had me drive him to the amusement park down the road, but it's closed this time of year. It struck me as suspicious. I came here because I'm worried that the boy might try to take his life."

"Can you describe your passenger?"

"Male. Japanese. Young. Lower twenties. Tall. Five-eight, five-nine. Brown hair. Skinny. Too skinny. The youth these days don't eat enough. Too distracted by all this technology."

"And you last saw him outside the main entrance to the amusement park where you dropped him off?"

"Yes. Are you going to send someone to go check it out?"

"We'll do what we can."

"Well if you don't do something soon it could be too late."

"I'm sorry sir. I'll make sure someone heads over there… Sir. I'm sorry, but can you describe the man again?"

"Lower twenties, five foot eight, brown hair."

"Excuse me a second… Does this picture match your description?"

"Yes! That is the man. How did you get this picture? Is he a wanted criminal."

"Wanted, yes, but not a criminal. I'm sorry but I can't give you any more information. Excuse, but I have to go make a call."

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

L arrived with the first of the responders.

As soon as word reached him that there was a confirmed Light sighting he could no longer wait behind his computer for the pieces to fall in place. He had to take action.

Watari was there, luckily, and was able to drive him.

And by some dumb luck the amusement park was close. Switching hotels to one across the city proved to be a beneficial decision.

L felt so stupid for not realizing right away how Light's name was spelled out by the first names of the victims, confirming his theory that the killer carefully chose his victims.

In his quick research over the amusement park he found that the park was known for its nightly fireworks during the summer. It made sense that the part of the riddle in which the killer mentioned where the girl saw fire was the fireworks of the amusement park.

The place where Light Yagami went on his last day alive before faking his death.

He had been known to go with two friends of his, one who was shot before his eyes and died in his arms. L figured there was a ninety percent chance that the girl of the riddle was this friend of Light's. Shiori Akino.

Whose last name just happened to be Light's false identity's last name.

It was all coming together.

A traumatic event like that made sense why Light would have killed himself or runaway.

And it seems that that place was chosen by the killer to be Light's grave.

L slid on the police vest he had stored in the car, as to not be stopped by the police once he got to the park. In the scramble to get to Light L would be generally ignored, and if he was stopped he came equipped with a police badge that proclaimed him a higher rank then any officer here.

Once out of the car he joined the small crowd of police officers, glad to see they had just unlocked the entrance. He weaved through them and managed to get inside the park, being ignored by the officers around him just as he predicted. Inside the park now he stopped, taking in the vastness of it all.

His eyes swept over a nearby map, memorizing the entire layout. It would take too long for him to search the entire park. His legs twitched and L knew he couldn't waste time standing there, so he picked a direction and ran, hoping that it was the right direction to get to Light.

No officers followed him. They went elsewhere, fanning out to cover more ground. L ran alone in silence.

It was dark. Apparently no one had found the switch to turn on the streetlamps that lined the paths. A short while after L started running he made out the shape of a human in front of him, and his heart skipped a beat.

_Did I make it in time? Did I find Light before Light found the killer?_

The human shape in front of him, closer now, began calling out and L felt his heart drop. The voice was female. It wasn't Light. Was it the killer?

L stopped and took up a defensive position as the shape continued to run towards him, still calling out.

L noticed the voice was not threatening, but fearful and desperate. The shape turned into a blonde woman, holding a wig in one hand, with no visible weapons. He relaxed his position but tensed up again as soon as he made out the words.

"Help! Dear god, help! Light's in trouble! There's a crazy man with a knife! Help!"

She was close enough to L that she stopped and he could see her shaking and crying.

"Misa was told to leave and not come back but then she saw you! Please officer, you need to help!"

L noted she talked in third person, and that her name was Misa, but that was not relevant right now. She was not Shiori Akino so L didn't know why she was here.

"Where are they?" L demanded. His heartbeat was now rapid and he felt a weird feeling coursing through him. It was fear.

"At the Traditional Gardens, in the gazebo!"

L started running again, not wasting anytime. He knew where that was from the memorized map and the direction from which Misa ran. She was not out of breath so he knew he was close. Misa ran behind him, not sure what else to do. L tore off his police walky-talky off the vest and tossed it back to her.

"Call for back up! Tell them everything!" L commanded. He had to trust that she would do that, since he had no time to waste.

Now L's run turned into a sprint and he prayed that he would make it in time.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

L arrived in time to see a man drive a knife into Light's chest, laughing manically.

"Your death will be painful and slow, Light. So you can truly feel the pain of this world and know why you have to save others from pain. Accept that you are a god!" The man said, giving the knife a twist, causing Light to convulse and shriek.

When L heard Light scream his vision turned red. Before he could get to Light, the man, who had not noticed him yet, stabbed Light once more, driving it in deep and leaning over Light, staring him in the eyes, seeming the reveal in Light's every shudder of pain.

L launched himself at the man, knocking him off Light. The man immediately tried to push L off but L would not give up trying to hold him down, so they rolled around on the floor of the gazebo, unknowing to L just like Light and the man had done just moments before.

The struggle caused them to roll out of the gazebo and into the pond. L somehow got the advantage and began beating the man with his fists with all his fury.

That man had hurt Light! He was going to pay!

L was satisfied with the crunching sound of a broken nose and he punch the man in the face, and in the jaw, and the ribs and stomach. Anywhere that he found an opening he hit, ignoring the pain of his fists.

The man at first seemed very angry but them he just began laughing. L couldn't stand it, using it a fuel for his own anger.

A voice broke through his rage. It was Misa, the blonde girl.

"What do I do? What do I do?!" She shrieked.

The red L saw washed away. The anger was gone, replaced suddenly by fear. Light was in danger. Light needed him. L released the man, who slumped into the shallow water, and ran over to the spot where Light lay.

The sight of Light was enough to make L want to turn around and beat the man again. Light lay on the floor of the gazebo, pale and stained with splashes of blood, eyes wide open yet unfocused. Misa was crouched over him, her hands hovering over the stab wounds.

"What do I do?" She cried out again.

L pushed her away and looked at Light closer. He looked horrible but he was awake and alive. His breathing was shallow and fast. Even though his eyes were open he didn't seem to see Misa or L by his side. He just stared up above himself, as if he was looking to something in the distance. He was no longer screaming in pain, and was instead eerily silent besides the ragged breaths. His wounds were hemorrhaging at an alarming rate. L knew he would need transfusions and was running the risk of bleeding out. L pulled off his shirt and wadded it up, pressing it on the wounds in an attempt to stop the flow.

"Stay awake!" L begged to Light. "Stay awake."

It was no good. Light could not hear him L could tell Light was going into shock. He grabbed Light's wrist and checked his pulse, not liking the weak beat he got back or the cold-clamminess of Light's skin. His eyes began to roll up and slowly closed, despite L's attempts to rouse him by gently shaking Light's head.

"Stay awake! You are not allowed to die, you hear me?" L ordered Light, but with no response from the brunette.

He heard in the distance the sounds of others arriving and Misa calling out to them but all he could focus on was the sound of Light's breathing, the only sign that Light had yet to crash.

"Stay with me, you idiot!" L yelled out.

The next thing he knew he was being pushed away like he had pushed away Misa as the EMTs took over.

L could do nothing but watch helplessly as they swarmed over Light, placing him on a stretcher and eventually into an ambulance.

Silently he followed the EMT team to the vehicle and by some miracle they let him follow them in, but all they let him do is sit uselessly in the corner, watching in horror as they try their best to keep Light alive long enough to make it to a hospital.

The ride to the hospital was short, thankfully. In no time the ambulance doors opened again to reveal a fresh team of doctors who take Light away through the emergency entrance.

L rushes after them. It was like he was in a dream. He suspected he was in his own state of shock as well, but knowing he was in shock didn't stop the feeling of floating as he followed the doctors through the hallways.

His shock was nothing like Light's shock. Light's shock was worse. It lowered his already too slim chance of surviving by fifty percent. The odds were turning on L.

After what seemed like an endless labyrinth of hallways, Light was brought into an operating room. L tried to follow him in, but a doctor stopped him, leaving him alone outside. L stood there lost for what seemed like an eternity until someone guided him into a private waiting room and left him alone.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXX

When Watari showed up L was pacing angrily around the small waiting room with clenched fists. His own shock was over and all he was filled with a rage that wouldn't allow him to sit still. When he saw Watari he stopped his pacing and waited impatiently to see what he had to say.

Watari didn't say anything at first but handed L a white shirt. L took it reluctently and put it on without a word. Watari then sat down and signaled for L to do the same; L just stared at him and stayed standing.

"Light is still in surgery. He is alive, for the time being. There are lacerations on several vital organs but as far as they can tell at the moment he will not need any transplants if… he survives long enough. They are trying to stop any internal bleeding and patch up the sources when they can. He also had a head injury that they believe has given him a concussion. They managed to stop the bleeding on his head and predict that as long as they prevent an infection from occurring, the gash itself will cause no more problems, but until more time goes by and Light wakes up they won't know the full extent of the damage."

Watari paused to let L soak in all the information. L didn't respond. Watari didn't wait long to see if he would.

"The police arrested the Kitchen Killer, but had to take him to the hospital to treat his injuries. A different hospital than this one. He was not in critical condition but quite… damaged from what you did to him. They identified him, with the help of Misa Amane. Amane was that girl who assisted you and the police and paramedics to finding the location of the Killer and Light."

"The Killer? Who is the Killer?" L asked, his voice low and firm. He wanted to know who did this to Light. He needed to know. His fist twitched at the thought of hitting the man again.

"Teru Mikami." Watari didn't bother saying more, knowing that L knew the man and his association to Light.

Mikami was Light's childhood friend. He had been there at the amusement park the day Shiori Akino had died. It was reported that he had left for home before the event took place. The mystery of what had brought Mikami to this point was tantalizing, but what seemed more important right now then questioning Mikami was ramming his fist into Mikami's face once more. L's hatred towards Mikami for hurting Light bubbled inside of him and he had half the mind to find the other hospital and this time beat the man to death.

"Don't. You know that he has to answer to the law. You have done your part." Watari knew L too well. Somehow his guardian still seemed to know what he was thinking.

L knew he was right but didn't want to admit it, so he continued to be silent.

"Ms. Amane is being questioned right now. She's being very helpful. When she is done I'll give you a full copy of the transcript. They will attempt to question Mikami but they don't think he will be very useful in his current mental state. They want to question you, too. The police are under the impression that you are Rue Ryuzaki, Light's current boyfriend, and that you had found out he was going to meet with the Kitchen Killer and joined the police to help find him. This way explains why you are here and so concerned for his well being and will allow you to remain at his side. You are also his emergency contact. I altered his medical information to make it so. You will have to answer a few of their questions eventually but they can wait until you are ready."

L felt grateful and relieved. He didn't have to worry about being further separated from Light.

"Thank you." L walked over to Watari and put a hand on the man's shoulder. The old man seemed a bit surprised at the gesture, but put his hand over L's to be reassuring.

Watari's had was warm and welcome, but L couldn't help but think about how cold Light's skin had been.

L took his hand away and sat down in a chair at the far end of the room.

This was hard. L was not used to feeling so much… feeling. One second he was angry the next he was morose. He hated this. The one thing L always had control over was his emotions but now they were all coming out and L had no idea what to do with them.

He rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on. His hand was shaking, but he couldn't tell if it was from the feelings or the lack of sugar in his system. He suddenly felt very tired.

"Send for my successors. I leave it up to you and them to finish up here and take on any new cases until…"

Until Light died? Until Light survived and woke up? What then? Not having all the answers felt wrong. The future was one big, uncertain mess. Was this what it was like for normal people?

"As you say." Watari nodded. He stood up and walked over to L and reached into his pocket, pulling out something and placing it in L's hand. It was three simple sugar cubes.

There Watari went again, proving he knew L too well.

Watari started walking out of the room, but before he could leave L spoke to him once more.

"What if… he doesn't make it?"

Watari sighed and looked at L with a heavy look he had never seen before.

"I do not know. You will figure it out if it comes to that, but now all you can do its wait and pray."

Praying he'd leave to Watari.

But Watari was right.

Waiting was all he had left to do.

**Thank you, Readers, for all your reviews! This story now has over 200! When I hear your opinions and reactions it really makes this story fulfilling and reminds me why I love to write. **

**I read each and every review, so thanks for making me smile! Please continue to review!**

**Sorry about the big cliffs I've been dropping, but where I end each chapter is just where it feels right to me. That, and its fun to watch you all squirm, like I am a puppet master and you are my marionettes. **

**I have not done an author's note for the last two chapters because I felt like there was just no place for them, since the story was so intense. **

**This chapter was a bit hard to write, it took longer then expected. I'm still not sure if it is right, but I'll keep it how it is for the time being, probably forever. **

**What do you call someone with no body and nose?**

**Nobody knows.**

**O_O**


	20. Idealistic Love

**Chapter Twenty**

**Idealistic Love**

**(Quick Note: I'm not a doctor, nor a medical student. Please forgive and ignore anything I write that does not make medical sense. I base everything I know off of Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, and my own imagination)**

Hand in Hand.

This is how L began his waiting period for Light to wake up.

From the moment Light was out of surgery L was by his side.

Light had looked so fragile. His skin was pale like a porcelain doll, and there was a fear that if L touched him, he would shatter into a million pieces.

That didn't stop L from, upon entering the private room they had set Light up in, immediately running across the room and grabbing Light's hand. He had to feel him. To make sure he was real.

He was there.

He was alive.

L didn't like all the wires and tubes that surrounded Light, but he knew they were necessary to help Light recover.

Light had come out of surgery after what seemed like an eternity in the accursed waiting room. The walls in that room at that point had seemed like they were closing in.

The surgery had been successful, for the most part. They managed to stabilize Light; save him from the brink of death by combating the deadly conditions of shock and stop the internal bleeding from the knife wounds.

It was amazing that the knife had not done more serious damage. Everything was easily patchable, and it was just up to Light's body now to heal itself (if the internal patches. If the knife had gone in a centimeter away in any direction, or at any other angle…

L tried not to dwell on that fact.

He was alive. That was all that was important.

Light's head wound had reopened during his ordeal with Mikami. The doctors were concerned about it, especially since it was a head injury. They determined he had a concussion, but the full extent of the threat could not be fully determined until Light woke up, but the wound itself had been cleaned and was expected to heal nicely.

Infection was still a serious threat. But beyond changing the bandages regularly and properly cleaning and disinfecting the wounds, there was nothing else that they could do but wait.

Light was still under the effects of anesthesia, and a heavy painkilling drug. It was unknown when he would wake up.

It could be any minute.

It could be any hour.

It could be… days.

Days. Oh god. Days.

It didn't matter, Light needed his sleep.

He has been through so much. He deserved sleep.

Waiting.

It was all L could do.

Wait.

Wait.

_Wait_.

_**xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**_

Misa had a lot to think about in short amount of time.

It's not that she doesn't think, though often she didn't mind people thought that of her, but that she never had to think about such consequential things.

Kira hadn't been around forever, but almost as long as the name Kira was whispered around on the streets and in the back of classrooms by school kids, Misa had believe in him.

Kira had helped bring justice to the case of her parents. He found the evidence to convict the man who had killed them and make sure he was put behind bars where he belongs.

She had always believed that Kira was a single person. Someone who saw the difference they could make in the world. Someone who could put down the chips and dedicate their time to making Japan a better place to live.

Misa tried to be good. She would attend charity events for free, and tried to encourage all her fans to donate when they could. She never imagined that she would meet Kira and have a chance to help with something more important.

A chance to save lives. A chance to help.

Embarrassed, she admitted that it was wrong to stalk Kira. She was just so curious as to who he was and how she could help. Stalk was not hard, as she had to deal with a few stalkers herself and deal with avoiding the paparazzi.

It was wrong. But can a little wrong to make a big right be justified? Kira would know. Kira would help. She could have helped Kira.

But all she did was get in the way.

Mikami got to her so easily. She really should have complained to her work about raising the security levels after she saw someone break into her now dead friend's dressing room, but she didn't want to be a bother. Next thing she knew as she went to take off her make up the cool steel of a gun barrel kissed the back of her neck and a man told her if she screamed he'd shoot.

As they left he grabbed a brown wig off the shelf and chuckled to himself that it would be perfect. Just perfect.

She never expected Kira to have had such a horrible life. Her life was not great, but from her understanding she never had an old best friend try to kill her with the murder weapon used to end her parent's lives.

Mikami explained some things to her about Kira's past and she had learned more from a debriefing with the police.

The most important thing that she learned was that Kira was a perfect omnipotent being. He was human. Flawed. He needed help and she couldn't give it to him. She just brought him further into danger. And what did he do? He saved her.

She tried to save him. She never ran away, but ran for help. She couldn't do it alone. Someone else had to be there.

Someone else had been there. Someone closer to Kira then she was. While she could just stare helplessly at the bloody mess that was Kira, the man she had found knew what to do. Then the police and EMTs came and they knew what to do.

It was all making so much sense, and it became clearer by the minute as the world sorted through the mess that was left in the wake of the Kitchen Killer.

Misa did her interrogation with the police, telling everything she knew to the fullest extent, all the details told honestly. She then had a second interrogation done at a second location, an office building in a blank office space. That one was between her and the detective L. She didn't see his face since all she did was walk to a laptop sitting open. It was a little odd, since it seemed like two people were talking to her when only one voice came out.

The media knew she was involved with the case, and the police had revealed nothing yet, so it was unsurprising that she was barraged by journalists and the likes where ever she went.

She couldn't just say it in passing, so she had her agent call a press conference.

The idea had to be handled carefully. She needed to plant the seed so it would grow.

This is what she could do. This is how she could help Kira and change to world.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"What is the identity of the man in the hospital?"

"Who is the Kitchen Killer?"

"Were you or were you not kidnapped?"

"Are you an accomplice to either Kira or the Kitchen Killer?"

"Who is in the hospital?"

"Who is Kira?"

"Is Kira alright?"

"Describe Kira to us!"

"Who is the Kitchen Killer?"

"Enough questions! Misa will not answer any questions currently."

With a pause for a deep breath the blonde began her speech.

"Misa is not here to share all the details of what happened that day. Misa called everyone here to tell what she wants to tell, so listen up. Yes, Misa met the Kitchen Killer and became his hostage. She was used against Kira to leave him vulnerable to attack. Kira is just human, and Misa put him in danger.

"Well, Kira is not just human. Kira is more like an idea. For the past few years Kira was whispered justice, an unseen force that solved crimes and bettered Tokyo. He made us eel like someone was watching over us when we went out late at night, and that someone cared for us when bad things happened and it felt like there was nothing anyone could do.

"Kira doesn't have to be just a man. Kira can be all of us. Kira can be that someone else you look for when you need help. Kira can be a person out late at night that sees a girl being harassed and calls the police or steps up for her himself. Kira can be any person who sees a crime and testifies the truth with no fear. Kira can be anyone. Kira can be everyone. Leave who ever is in that hospital alone.

"Forget about one man being Kira and become Kira yourself. Misa will do just that. She will do what she can to be someone people can go to for help. She hopes you will too."

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Misa's press conference was… interesting. L felt he would have been more interested in it if Light still wasn't unconscious. It has been three days. He should be waking up any minute.

Any minute.

Watari had come and gone every now and then. L was a grown man and didn't need looking after, and somewhere in Tokyo his successors where dicking around, needing some level of supervision from Watari. That didn't stop Watari from bringing food every time he came, and then taking the uneaten food away and replacing it with fresh food whenever he came back.

It's no that L was trying to starve himself. He just had no appetite. If he could, He'd shove the food down Light's throat if it would nourish him with out choking him and cause him to wake up.

Only under threat of being hooked up to an IV fluid did L finally eat something. It was not his usual sugary food, but something disgusting and healthy, yet substantial enough to get Watari off his back.

He drank water and tea. What ever liquid was given to him he drank. Though he had no thirst he did have to admit that he being dehydrated would help no one. He had to be healthy and ready for when Light woke up.

He never left Light's side except for the dreadfully humanistic times he had to give in to the need to go to the bathroom. When he did so he made sure no doctors or nurses would be in the room so Light would no wake up amongst strangers.

A selfish part in L wanted him to be the first thing Light saw when he woke up. He wanted to be there to comfort Light, to deal with what ever would happen. He just needed to wake up.

He had not slept the entire time he had been at Light's side. It was starting to affect him. He'd stare at Light's face sometimes but not see it, only a blur that danced with spots. Then he'd snap out of the daze and jump, to see if Light had changed at all. If he had woken up, stirred, or even burped. But nothing ever changed.

Finally Watari stopped being patient and demanded L go to the hotel and shower and sleep. L tried to refuse. He put up a tantrum the likes not seen since his childhood when Watari took away his candy after a few cavities (since that day L brushed his teeth religiously).

Only with the promise that Watari and Watari alone would remain by Light's side the entire time did L finally agree to go.

L can not stress how reluctant he was to go, but he did need sleep. If Light was going to wake up soon it would be good to do it to a well rested and clean L. Because cause he was going to wake up. And soon. L might as well be ready.

As he was leaving, before Watari came into the room, L swept away the bangs on Light's forehead and gave him a soft kiss.

"Don't feel the need to wait for me to get back. Wake up when you want to. Just… please do it soon."

It was only on the way to the hotel did L start to think about what would happen when Light woke up.

It terrified him.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**Thank you for all the reviews and follows and favorites! We are in the home stretch (kinda)! **

**Sorry if it took a while to update. I started a new job/internship and it takes up ten hours at least each day, five days a week. I'm being worked to the bone, but I'm loving it since it's in a restaurant and I am getting all this hands on experience. **

**I am now trying to put all my free time effort into finishing this story. I can see and taste the ending, I just need to get it down on paper.**

**Enough of a AN for now. I hope you all have been enjoying my little puns.**

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**I entered ten of my best puns into a pun contest. I was sure one of them would win it for me, but no pun in ten did.**

Bottom of Form


	21. Love in Time

**Chapter Twenty One**

**Love in Time**

**!Chapter Edited! Fixed the Mello misspell (my bad)**

L hated this.

He hated it so much.

L had not left Light's side again since going to the hotel. It had been harder then he thought it would be to be apart.

The first problem he had with it was the new base at some hotel.

The hotel was unfamiliar. L had only spent less then a day in it before taking up residence at Light's side in the hospital. He had only used it in the time between accusing Light then letting him go and learning Light's whereabouts after discovering his life was in danger.

Normally that would be an issue, as L lived his life moving from hotel room to hotel room, but normally it was not this bad.

Everything was there, all the equipment and food and supplies; the usual entourage of junk that followed him from location to location. He used to like the way how seeing all this familiar stuff made the whole world see smaller in the way that it looked the same no matter where you went.

And the furniture, it all looked the same, typically. Beds weren't that different. Couches and chairs weren't that different. Doors weren't that different. Even the color schemes of hotels and buildings were pretty much the same.

It was almost comforting.

But now he hated that a hotel room looked so similar yet so different. Where was the couch that Light had fallen asleep on after they played tennis? The coffee table on which they dined, and then Light had insulted the amount of sugar he ate? The bed that Light and he had shared?

Since when did he care about change?

The second problem was his successors.

He knew his successors were in that building, but he had no desire what so ever to see them. He never liked interacting with other people much, other then Light and Watari.

And his successors… they always watched him. They studied his every move. They aspired to be him. They would one day replace him.

By some kind smile from fate (not that he believed in fate) he did not run in to his successors, but he felt their unseen eyes watching him the entire time he was there.

His third problem was, that after all the trouble to get to the hotel and all the annoyances he had to deal with, he barely got any sleep. The night had been long and the sleep fitful.

He kept worrying about Light waking up and him not being there. He dreamt that he missed it and Light never forgave him. He dreamt that he didn't miss it and that he went back to a Light who was still asleep.

What would be better? What would be worse?

Why was everything so unsure now? He used to be in control but now… damn.

This was getting tiring.

When he went back he found nothing had changed.

This was tiring.

This was worse.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"God, this is boring!" Mello exclaimed, slumping over onto the desk in front of him, landing on the keyboard. On the screen of the computer in front of him the symbol "?" started to fill the screen. Mello didn't think he could ever have been more bored in his fifteen years of life.

"No one cares if you are bored." Matt replied.

The red-headed gamer was also seated at a desk, but unlike Mello he had hooked up a game system to his monitor and was currently battling some level of boss, opposed to trying to solve a case like je was supposed to be doing.

"I thought being the acting L would be more exciting." The blonde complained.

"You think a lot of things."

"I'm just so bored." Mello whined, lifting his head off the keyboard then smashing it back down.

"If by exciting Mello means doing something of a higher caliber then we are used to and commanding more power, then I agree with Mello, however Watari isn't allowing us to start any new major cases beyond the usual small cases we worked on back at the orphanage." Near said from the corner, sitting at a third desk, in front of which was a Lego board full of Lego soldiers upon Lego horses in full Lego wardress. It appeared he was arranging them for battle, which might be interesting to some, but Mello could care less.

"Shut up Near. Nobody wants your input! Besides I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Matt." Mello sneered.

"Yeah, sure, me, whatever," Matt responded, pressing buttons furiously on his controller.

"I know you weren't, I was just am expressing my mutual frustration, but I also wanted to encourage you to be quiet, hoping that agreeing with you would end your need to complain. You are being very distracting," Near said with a twist of his hair.

"Distracting from what? Your Lego playing?"

"Yes."

"I'm so sorry, your highness," Mello apologized, dragging out the sorry dramatically.

"Thank you."

"I was being sarcastic, you dense little robot!"

"I know, but that's was the closest you ever get to actually apologizing to anyone except for Matt."

"Well Matt's a likable person, unlike everyone else." Mello huffed.

"What's your definition of likable? Chain smoking hackers that walk the line of the law and chaos?" Matt asked.

"Yeah. Those kind of people are the best kind of people." Mello smiled, leaning back into his chair.

"Are you done complaining?" Near inquired.

"God no, shut up. I'm still bored! We are finally abroad and out of that damn orphanage and we are spending the whole time cooped up in a high rise hotel, solving cases we basically already solved, eating nothing but take-out, and driving ourselves crazy!"

"Actually, you are driving us crazy." Matt added.

"Well that's only because I'm crazy bored and you are being annoyingly apathetic about it." Mello pouted.

Near looked over from his soldiers and gave Mello one of his more annoyed looking blank faces. "We can't do anything more advanced unless we have the go ahead from L, and he currently is distracted by more pressing matters."

"Shut up, Near. More pressing matters? You mean that man who got stabbed? Kira?" Mello's hands twitched and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a warm chocolate bar and began unwrapping it.

"Yes. That's who I mean." Near answered.

"Who is Kira even?" Mello wondered.

"Kira is a person who had been doing vigilante acts and investigating and working with the police to solve a number of crimes who had evolved into a now proven urban legend," Near recited.

"Shut up! I know who Kira is, I read the files same as you! I mean who is Kira to L?" Mello growled.

"Someone L loves." Matt said simply.

"L can love?" Mello stared at Matt with a blank face.

"Anyone is capable of love." Matt reasoned.

"But L? His is emotionless robot, same as Near. Always had been and always will be."

"Everyone feels emotion. Except for sociopaths. And we have already had Near tested on that and he is not one, so be nicer to him please."

"Shut up, Near." Mello barked at Near from across the room.

"I didn't say anything, Matt did." Near responded.

"You're trying to control Matt again. Trying to convince him you are somewhat decent, which we both know you aren't."

"He's not controlling me," Matt said, "You just can't face the fact that I have no problem with Near, only you do."

"Whatever," Mello grumbled, "Back to L supposedly loving this guy."

"His name is Light Yagami. L hasn't left his side since he was put in the hospital, except that time Watari forced him and told us that if you bothered him, we'd all get in trouble."

"He warned all of us not to bother him."

"He directed it at you."

"No he didn't."

"He was looking right at you."

"That's not important."

"Anyways, there is that."

"So what? Maybe L feels guilty that he got hurt under his watch." Mello frowned.

"Not likely. Many people have gotten hurt and died under L's watch, it's something that can't be helped with the line of work we are in and the evil we battle. He has never reacted like this before." Matt paused his game and put down the controller and turned to face Mello. The significance of the action was not lost on the blonde, who was now nervously nibbling at his chocolate while crinkling the foil wrapping unconsciously between his fingers. "I found video recording of Light in L's acquaintance preceding the murders by not even day, possibly a coincidence but using Misa's testimony about how Mikami saw Light with another man just before his first murder and matching it with the footage I believe this to be the catalyst that caused Mikami to start his string of murders. In the video Light was in L's old hotel base. Light had been carried in by L and Watari and placed in a bed, where they proceeded to give him some sort of medical attention. It looked like he had a fever. L and Light barely spent anytime in the same room other then what appeared to be a conversation, the sound for which I've yet to uncover."

"So?" Mello questioned. "So what if they somehow knew each other before the case began? That means nothing. That doesn't mean L loves the guy."

"After that, in the security recordings of L's hotel base there are random blank sit that start occurring late night on different nights. I have reason to believe it was because Light and L got together and L edited the recordings and moved the video clips of those times to a more secure location for privacy reasons."

"Privacy reasons? You have no proof that it was Light. And are you insinuating that Light is L's boyfriend? But that's impossible!"

"It's not impossible, Mello, Stop being so dense. What's so wrong about L being in love? What's so wrong about loving another person?" Matt looked away from Mello for a brief second, and action that didn't go unnoticed by Near, who twirled a strand of his hair around his finger.

"It just seems wrong. It makes him more…" Mello trailed off, looking for the right word.

"Human?" Matt suggested.

"Yeah… I guess."

"Don't forget L is just human, like us. He is not perfect, and if loving someone is imperfect to you, then that proves he's not perfect."

"Why the hell are we working so had to be imperfect?"

"You can't be perfect. Give up on trying to be that. Just be you, who is pretty kick ass. That's the only way you stand even a chance against Near in this successor race." Matt turned back around to his screen, floating his finger over the pause button.

"Hey!" Mello.

"The odds are in my favor, as I am above you in ever class and test. The only thing I don't understand is why they still let you think you have a chance." Near jabbed.

"Shut up." Mello growled.

It was silent for a minute before Mello spoke up again.

"So say L can love, and he loves Light or Kira or whatever we call him. What does this mean for the future?"

"I don't know. That's up to Light and L." Matt un-paused his game and resumed his boss battle.

"Do you think he might try to be a successor? I mean you saw his file, you saw his test records."

"I frankly don't care. Que sera sera." Matt said, and with a not to dramatic smash of the buttons, his boss lay before him, defeated.

It was silent once again.

Mello finished his chocolate bar and balled up the wrapping into a tight, compressed sphere, rolling it between his palms. "It has been six days. Will L stop waiting at his beside like a guard dog and actually do something? Will Watari slap sense into him again? Will… will that man wake up?"

"He will." Matt assured.

"What makes you so sure?" Mello asked.

"It would be a boring end to the story if he didn't."

Matt started the new level and in the distant corner Near's Lego cavalry started a march. Mello turned back to his own computer and decided to try working again.

"This is why you do have a chance to be the successor." Matt added.

"What do you mean?"

"You are the one who asks the questions."

"What does that got to do with anything?"

"Someone has to."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Whatever."

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

How many days has it been?

Seven.

Yes.

On the seventh day L found himself sitting by Light's side, using the movable food tray attached to Light's bed as a platform for a sugar cube construction project.

Right now it was a castle, with several turrets and an open draw bridge, which sat on a crumbled sugar cube moat. It wasn't an overly complicated castle, space was limited and only so much detail could be made with the amount of cubes. L was currently working on the tallest tower, where the sugar princess would be trapped until her handsome knight came and rescued her.

It was a beautiful day. The air was cold, but the sun shinned in a gray-blue sky, unblocked by the clouds which loomed at the edges of the horizon.

The sunlight streamed in the windows, falling short of the bed, creating a rectangle of light on the ground. Half of one of L's feet rested in the rectangle, one leg outstretched and the other leg curled up to L's body, L's arm wrapped around it to keep it in place. L's cheek was pressed into the top of his knee, and he was assessing the placement of the most recent cube.

There was a cough from the hall. Silence. Then another fit of coughs. L put aside the sugar cube he was holding and stood up, stealing across the room and looking out the thin rectangle window that opened out into the hall.

A patient walked by, dragging an IV along with him. The patient was old, by L's guess in his sixties. Watari was around that age. The patient looked old, withered, and tired.

L stepped away, interest lost. He wandered to the opposite side of the room and glanced out the window to the outside. He wasn't really looking at anything in particular. Birds on a far off ledge that took flight, leaving shadows streaming through their wings, a delivery truck milling in an alley, the gleam off the windows off a high rise…

"Hey."

The voice was scratchy and rough.

It was beautiful.

L turned around slowly, as if not to spook the person he hoped to see alive asleep. There on the bed lay a very awake Light who stared back at him, head still supported by the pillow.

"Hey." L replied, keeping his voice calm, when on the inside he felt like singing.

He walked to the bed and sat down, taking Light's hand into his own. Light stared at their hands, his face unreadable. Then his gaze returned to L's eyes. L searched Light's, knowing his searched his in return.

L was just relishing in seeing Light's brown eyes, when suddenly they changed. With just a blink they went from alive and intelligent to empty and listless. He pulled his hand away from L's and rolled over on his side, an action which must have been painful but Light gave no sign that he had felt it.

A bittersweet taste was left in L's mouth.

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**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review if you feel strongly moved in any way.**

**You were right, Light had to wake up sometime, and he did, but will it go how you wanted it to go?**

**Only time will tell!**

**Please also tell me any theories you have of how it will go, I enjoy reading them!**

**Enough chit chat, go read something, I'm going to write some more.**

**!Edit! Hey guys! I put down sociopath for what Mello was trying to insult Near for being (words words words, they're all we have to go on) but it has come to my attention I may have meant psychopath, so I went online to see what was what, and I am now confused as hell. **


	22. Loving Nothing

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**Loving Nothing**

Light saw it.

The look.

The look of pity that showed in the eyes of every foster parent he had been sent to.

The look in the eyes of the detectives who he had once trusted who sent him away.

The look that said they knew what happened. What he had caused. That they knew he was weak. That they thought less of him.

That look was in L's eyes. Not on the surface.

There was relief, fear, pain, elation, anticipation, and tiredness. And something that looked similar to the look his father gave to him when he tucked little Light in at night. Love. But it did not matter.

The look of pity.

He thought less of Light. He knew.

Light pulled away, withdrawing from the dark-haired man and into himself, rolling over so he didn't have to look at it anymore. Rolling away to escape.

Like blades of grass with a dusting of dew on top, Light felt a light surface pain from the tugging of various tubes and wires attached to him, accompanied with angry beeps and whirs from the machine next to him.

On a second level was the pain he now felt in his abdomen. The pain was hot and searing, reaching down into his very core and making him want to wither and cry out.

But deep inside he remembered how he had gotten to feel this way.

He remembered Mikami.

He remembered Shiori.

He remembered his dad.

He remembered his mother.

The events in the park, the Shiori who became Misa, the knife that took his father's life, the feeling of it sinking deep into its target…

He deserved it.

He deserved to get stabbed.

He deserved to die

A soft hand was placed on his shoulder, bringing him back to the hospital room he had awakened to. It was L. What he was trying to do was unclear, but the soft pressure felt nice.

The pressure suddenly became unbearable.

"Don't touch me." The words left Light's mouth with a surprising amount of malice. They were a demand, and at the same time a plea.

The hand was immediately withdrawn, reliving the pressure, but leaving an empty, cold feeling in its place.

If L was going to say anything, he lost his chance for barely a second later the door opened and doctors entered the room, ruining the privacy yet saving Light from what ever might have happened.

They rolled him over on his side and asked him questions and spoke among each other, but Light couldn't hear a single word they said. He did want to.

Sometimes they touched him in a place that hurt, and he couldn't help by wince, but that became the only emotion that showed on his face, as it was involuntary. He was too tired for emotions. He was too tired to feel. He was too tired to sleep. He looked everywhere but at L.

One word did register in Light's head, said by a random faceless doctor.

_Lucky_.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Dark thoughts manifest inside the heart, becoming a poison you can escape. Every breath becomes labored; every heartbeat just pumps the darkness to the furthest reaches of the body. The muscles begin to ache and shiver.

Your throat burns, sandy and dry, your palms sweat, and your head, oh god your head… It won't shut up. It buzzs, replaying these dark thoughts and connecting them to any other dark thoughts you ever had, multiplying the problem. Normal thoughts become bitter, good thoughts sour. It becomes a viscous cycle.

The dark poison, coursing through the veins, soon shuts down breathing completely. Struggling for oxygen becomes impossible. Struggling for anything becomes impossible.

Eventually any will that was left to fight it dies out, and you are trapped.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Light was not sure how much time went by in the hospital. It could have been hours, it could have been days. Well, he remembers watching the sunset once, so it's been at least one day, but most of the time he stared at the dull hospital room corner.

The window became something he could never look at, because usually L was sitting on that side of the bed. Light couldn't stand looking at him. L once tried switching sides, but Light would just turn his head, refusing to meet his eye.

Several times he heard raised voices when L stepped out of the room to talk with the doctors. They argued about something. Something to do with him.

Light spent his time laying around, trying to keep his mind blank, but that was impossible. The best he could do was keep everything inside. If he let it show, it would only make him look weaker. People would think him to be an inconvenience. He's only disappoint and hurt more.

He just wanted it to stop.

During a silence that was beautiful and suffocating, L decided to say the worst thing he could ever say.

"I love you."

His voice was quiet. The words were said like a confession of guilt. They carried a sadness to them that sank Light's heart.

As if afraid Light didn't hear it the first time, though they both know he did, L said it again, this time with more conviction. He grabbed Light's hand and tilted Light's head so it faced him. Light made the mistake of looking up and seeing L's dark eyes bearing into his.

"I love you."

Light closed his eyes then opened them. His voice was broken and empty as he replied.

"It's not enough."

It was not enough. It would never be enough. Those words could not fix him. Light did not deserve his love. He did not deserve any love.

He could see his words being absorbed by L. Instead of immediately leaving or getting angry or even getting upset and pulling away, like he expected L to do, L didn't move away.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Finally, it became time to leave the hospital. Light didn't care where he went, but he'd rather not be there. As the doctors unhooked Light from the various things that surrounded him, He sat up for the first time alone.

His muscles were sore, and there was an uncomfortable pain in his abdomen, dulled by drugs. Part of him wanted to look at the damage done, but that would be pointless and self indulgent. He was stoic as they removed his head bandage and examined the wound. It must have healed enough, since they did not re-bandage it.

Light still ignored all their words, finding no interest in what they had to say.

When they backed off and left, he dared to stand. He carefully place his feet on the cold ground and slowly slipped off the bed. At first it seemed fine, and his legs seemed to take the weight, but suddenly his knees buckled and Light began to fall over.

L steadied him, his arms wrapping around Light for support.

The urge to push him away was strong, but Light was too weak and dependent on L to stand. Giving up on the urge, he allowed L to lead him across the room and out the door, where a wheelchair waited for him. Each step was wobbly; his unused muscled screamed in protest. L's constant warm presence made it possible.

After being eased into the wheelchair L finally removed his touch. He proceeded to wheel Light down an unfamiliar hall, to an unknown destination.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The house, or mansion rather, was located somewhere deep in the Japanese country side. Hours away from Tokyo by car, with trees and grass fields streaming by.

The idea of the location was certainly isolation. The idea build of the mansion, however, was extravagance.

Western architecture married eastern, creating a mix of old and traditional flavors from bother to create this testament to human imagination.

The house lay in the middle of an orchard, which was surrounded by a forest, which in one direction led to fields and meadows, and the other to mountains and other wild things. The road to it was paved, but random roads that branched away from the main road were made of dirt, with well worn ruts driven into them.

Light rode in the back of a nondescript car, driven by Wallingford, or Watari, or whoever he was suppose to be now. L was in the back with him, and unlike Light whose face was pressed against the window and body slumped against the side, staring at the passing scenery and the building they approached, L watched Light the entire time.

Light wished he would stop, but since when would the man do what Light wanted?

The mansion must be a place where L intended to hide Light away from the world. Light didn't object. Maybe he'd be forgotten and waste away.

The car pulled up in front of the mansion and Watari got out and opened the back door for L. L thanked him and stepped out, circled the car, then opened Light's door. Watari opened the back and took out a wheelchair he had placed in the back.

L managed to get Light to stand up and sit back down in the chair. Light wanted to protest this degradation, but the car ride had tired him out, like everything did these days.

He was pushed inside the building, taking in the tasteful décor as he was wheeled to a large bedroom somewhere on the main floor. In no time he was help out of the chair and deposited onto a bed, on which he resumed the position he had laid in at the hospital and willed L to go away.

He wanted to be alone.

L didn't leave and instead sat down on the bed. This bed was bigger then the hospital bed. If Light had to guess, it was probably a king-sized bed. The bed being as big as it was, and the way L had nestled into it hinted that he was going to have no escape from the man.

The way he faced, he could look out a window and see the garden and orchard outside. L had allowed him to have the window side of the bed, a kind act but wrong.

Light didn't deserve the view, but he couldn't stop staring at it.

Time passed by in silence, the sun that had been up sank, dropping the world into twilight.

Sleep clawed at Light, and he wasn't sure if he should fight it or not, but in the end decided he was t weak to fight. Strong arms wrapped around him, avoid the wound, but brushing his shoulders. L nuzzled his head into the crook in Light's neck, breathing him in, loving the heat of his skin.

L hummed, his vocal chords vibrating against Light's neck, lulling him to sleep. As Light drifted off, too tired (and too unwilling) to push L off, he heard the raven-haired man speak.

"I won't give up on you."

_Fool_

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**End of chapter!**

**It's been awhile, so I want to apologize once again for the main and chapter titles. I think I stole all the cheese in France to make them.**

**Thank you for reading this far and sticking with me! New chapter up in a week or less, I promise. **

**I think I'm going insane. I have the author bug. I have a lot of stories, original and fanfictions, buzzing around in my head and demanding to be written down, but its hard to get them just right. And when I write them I get really into the story line, and there are times in overwhelms me. I love writing this story, because it allows me to feel these emotions, the good and the bad, powerfully. This is the first story I've written this far into, and I'm damn proud of it. Sure, there are a million things I want to change at times, and when I read what I write, half the time I love it and the other half I want to yell at myself. I may rewrite some parts, but I may just leave them as they are to show my evolution in writing. **

**Review and follow and favorite or whatever you want to do. You've read it so far, and that's good enough for me.**

**I was making donuts the other day, but then I got tired of the hole thing. **


	23. Same Love

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**Same Love**

At night when Light drifted in and out of his self-deprecating consciousness reality and dreams intertwined.

The room both he and L made his own personal prison was an anchor of reality, but at times his mind was so greatly blurred he barely remembered that was where he really was.

The room may have been like a prison, but his mind was the real prison. The poison within it he could not escape.

Light stared into the kitchen from the hallway, already feeling his stomach turning at the sight of his father's blood spreading across the floor.

His mother stood over him, watching the blood of her husband drip off her knife, the way it streamed slowly down the stainless steel, polished so cleanly it reflected the room around it, then form a ruby drop that grew and grew until it became too heavy and dropped to the floor beneath it.

A shudder went up his spine.

In front of him a younger version of himself stared up at his mother and was feeling the same things his older counterpart felt. His life was about to change for the worst. He was losing everything he loved and knew, and anything else he would ever come to care about would be lost and warped beyond all recognition.

He wanted to embrace his younger self and shield him from all that was happening, but it was too late for him.

Light stepped around himself, brushing his younger self's hair as he passed. His younger self glanced at him briefly before returning to the body of their father.

His mother, however, looked up from her knife and smiled when she saw him.

"My my, how you have grown, my Light." Her voice was calm and cheerful, as if the horrors around her did not exist.

Light said nothing.

"I wish I was there to see you grow into the fine man you are today. Your father would be so proud," His mother smiled, "So tall and handsome."

Light stiffened up and clenched his jaw. "You would have been there, if you really wanted. You know exactly why you were not there."

"And smart, too. Oh so clever. Any mother would be proud of a son like you."

"I have no mother."

"Then what am I, my child? Who cared for you when you were sick? Put bandaids on your scrapes and bruises when you fell? Read a book to you each night when your father worked late, then tucked you in and kissed your forehead. Made you home cooked meals breakfast, lunch, and dinner, just the way you liked them."

"Stop it."

"I gave birth to you. Held you as a newborn. Loved you. Changed your diapers and watched your first steps. Looked after you, on my own, when your father was away. And how do you repay me?" Her cheery tone grew dark.

"I did nothing."

"You stole him from me. Monopolized his time. Took his love from me. Love I rightfully earned. Love I deserved."

"You killed him! You killed my father! You never really loved him!" Light cried out upset. His younger self backed away and took off running down the hall towards the front door.

"DO NOT TELL ME I NEVER LOVED HIM! I loved him so deeply I couldn't stand the thought of him not loving me as much as I loved him. It hurt. I couldn't let him go any longer, not loving me back. You would not understand. You do not know what it means to love. You do not understand love, my sweet child. But I loved you then, and I love you still now, despite what you did."

"If you loved me so much, like you did father, then why not kill me like you did him?"

"What kind of mother would I be if I killed my son?'

Light thought of everything he had been through. If he died back then, Shiori would never have died. He would never have driven Mikami insane. And Ryuzaki... They would never have met. It probably would have never been all for the better.

"A kind one." Was Light's honest answer.

His mother laughed. "I know you are a killer, too. You never killed them with your own hands, no, but you killed them just the same."

Light clenched his fists and shook his head. "No... I didn't mean to..."

"Oh Light, you are just the same as me."

"NO!" Light screamed. He was nothing like her! He hated her! She killed his father! She started everything!

Unsure of how it happened, a knife appeared in his hand and he somehow ended up right in front of his mother, looking down at her. A rage roared inside him, so strong that he felt his whole body shake, but his grip stayed firm. As if on its own, his knife moved forward and drove itself in. Blood, so dark it looked black, blossomed out and stained her already bloody shirt.

She let out a gasp.

The heat of rage dissipated and Light stepped back, leaving the knife in her chest. She reached for it and tried to pull it out, but her hand refused to close around the handle. She slumped forward and started coughing and gasping.

Between coughs she managed to say "You are... just... like me."

She locked eyes with him before finally falling to the floor, landing next to her husband.

When the life left her eyes Light felt a hollow feeling grow in his chest. The feeling grew, until the emptiness became painful. Light reached for his chest and found his own knife sticking out of it, lodged between his ribs and piercing his lung.

Breathing became impossible and Light gasped, choking on his own blood, before collapsing.

**Hi.**

**I'd like to say that yes, I am a liar with false promises. I did not update this story anywhere near as soon as I said I would, and I know no excuse will be sufficient for you, my readers, because hey! You are strangers on the internet reading the words written by another stranger on the internet.**

**The only promise I will keep no matter what, and you can count on me for this and this alone, I will finish this story. I love every review I have ever received and every new follow and favorite just makes me feel even more like I need to finish this for you guys. So I will.**

**And as time goes by between updates I am living my life, learning and suffering the same as anyone else and for that I hope that it matures my last chapters... Love is a tricky bitch.**

**Keep it up, readers. Read on.**

**And a tip out there to all my readers, pay your exorcists. If you don't, you will get repossessed.**


	24. Listless Love

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**Listless Love**

It was midday.

Wait, no, it was late afternoon.

Of the third day since he arrived at the mansion…

The fourth day…

It couldn't be the fifth.

No… not the fifth…

The sixth… day.

Not that it mattered.

Light was hungry.

L would bring in food for him at the [he assumed] usual meal times, but Light tried hard not to acknowledge L when he did so, for it would only encourage him to, Light did not know, hope.

When he could ignore the temptation of _food _no longer, he ate. He did not enjoy it. He did not even pay attention to what he ate. He just did.

He didn't want to eat it, and doing so sometimes felt like a sin, and it was if L knew all that he did and was punishing him by feeding him, but he ate it to make his hunger pains stop screaming at him.

The food did not stop the other screams, sadly.

How droll.

Right now his head was silent but for hunger he could not ignore.

It was beautiful, the way it did that. Evil in another way.

It stopped him from focusing on why he was here, what he did, and why he should be suffering.

That was no good…

He was hungry.

And there was no L waiting with a tray full of food.

There was no L at all.

He was gone.

Not_ gone_ gone, Light thinks. Just temporarily gone. But there was no telling when he would be back.

L does that. He leaves and returns. Not ever is he gone for long, Light thinks, and when he was gone, and he had no idea where he went.

Not that he cared.

Light kind of liked it when he went. It allowed him to be alone, which was just what he wanted, so he could curl up and be the pathetic excuse for a man that he was, allowing guilt and pain to rush through him almost endlessly.

It was a relief.

That's not quite the right word for it.

Is there a right word for anything?

Shut up.

As much as Light didn't want L near him, part of him cried like a wounded animal when L left his side.

The weak part in him that still thought being alone was not for the better. The part that mourned Ryuzaki. Needed Ryuzaki. Craved him.

But Ryuzaki was not real.

Food was. And it was fucking lunch time.

No.

It was dinner time.

Lunch.

Din… ner…

… Meal time.

And there was no L waiting with a tray full of food.

Which was a problem.

He was hungry.

So for the first time in however many days, Light decided to explore the mansion-building-thing beyond this bedroom and find food.

At first when he came here he stayed where he was, on the bed. Then nature called and he gave in and managed to find the will to bother with the en suite bathroom. L had been there and had watched him as he moved like a hawk from the bed.

Walking had been hard and his body had ached, but he bore all that at least silently.

L allowed Light to be alone in the bathroom (the first time he had been allowed to be alone consciously), but Light noticed there was no lock on the door, making him feel all warm and fuzzy inside about the level of trust that man had for him.

Beyond that Light didn't do much. He would lie in the bed, consumed with his thoughts and feelings that he could no longer repress or express. L would stay at his side, sometimes working on a laptop or other times watching Light and try to coax a response out of him. It must be like a game for him.

The coaxing would be anything from spooning him and speaking to him softly, telling him stories that had really nothing to do with anything (though they probably had something to do with everything since this was the great and all powerful L, wizard of Oz), to sitting Light up and speaking sternly, demanding Light to look him in the eyes.

Light once gave in and did as he was told, fixing his gaze on L's. They stared at each other silently for some time before L drew Light in and gave him a hug, tucking Light's head into the crook of his neck.

L probably was reeling in the glory of his win, and couldn't wait until he played again.

Light felt like he was a broken toy that L, the world's greatest detective, was trying to fix.

Or like a baby L felt responsible for. Something he had to coddle and care for, because he felt some sort of responsibility or something.

Light felt useless.

And he was.

He was.

Maybe he could at least find some fucking food.

The hallway outside the bedroom had a thick plush carpet. Light could feel it underneath his feet.

His progress was slow at first. He walked one step after the other, taking care to stabilize himself between each.

His mind was swirling around, and if he did not know for sure that he was on land, he would have thought he was on a boat at sea.

It's a bit sad really.

The only boats he has ever been on have been the water buses and tourist boats of Tokyo. He never took the time to enjoy the ride, as he was always busy doing one thing or another while on them, like tailing a suspect or investigating a case.

He has barely ever left Tokyo.

How sad is that?

Great worldly Light. Self-educated high school drop out genius killer.

Once he remembers going to a beach somewhere in Southern Japan. Maybe one of the islands, he wasn't sure. He had been young and happy and foolish, not caring where he was beyond a beach with sand and water.

It had been a family vacation with both his mom and dad. His father spent the day fishing while wearing the most ridiculous sun hat, and he had been too young and impatient to stay by his side, so he spent the day with his mother.

She bought him ice cream, bathed in the sun on the beach as he played in the water, and helped him build a sandcastle. It was one of the best days. How could he have forgotten about it until now?

Good memories of his mother seemed to have faded, but there had to be more, right?

She had been his mother…

Why would he want them?

Three years after that trip she stabbed his father to death.

He did not want them.

Light felt sick.

He was at the end of the hallway now, away from his room. He wanted to run back and throw up in the bathroom until there was nothing left.

Was he even hungry anymore?

No… he was.

He had come this far.

Giving up now would be a sign of weakness.

But he was weak.

No… he was weak but not entirely weak. He had been scorned by Ryuzaki. Told he was not good enough. Not worthy. Ryuzaki was L.

It was possible that his words were a lie, but which words did he speak were lies and which were truths?

He would never be good enough for L.

He would never know with L.

But he would rather be dammed to hell, which he already probably was, if he gave in and let L think he thought he was not good enough.

Was he fighting for something now? Refusing to look weak in front of Ryuzaki?

Ryuzaki was L.

No, he was not refusing to look weak. That ship had sailed the moment he begged for L to leave him alone.

He was fighting for something. He was refusing to let L in. That was what the prick wanted, right? For Light to break down and let him in. Give him control. Let his win the game. He wanted it simply because he was L, the world's greatest detective, and L always got what he wanted and what he wanted was to be in complete control of Light.

He wanted to reject Light yet refuse to let him go.

He wanted to love Light and get the love back when he knew perfectly well that Light could never love him back.

Light had no more love to give. It died the day his father died, the day Shiori died, the day Mikami stabbed him and revealed his biggest failure.

L wanted Light to be weak, so he could be strong. That was how the strong always felt strong, by looking down on others.

L was not to be trusted.

No one was.

He hated L.

L was Ryuzaki.

Light was in the entrance hall now.

It was big.

A giant staircase in the middle led to a second floor that Light had forgotten about until now. There was a third floor too… right?

It did not matter. A kitchen was going to be on the ground floor.

Light chose a random hall and began ambling down it, hoping he had chosen right. Floor plans used to be obvious. Now it was a game of chance.

And what luck the luckless man has, that he happens to choose the right hallway and ends up exactly where he needs to be.

The kitchen was large. It was no restaurant kitchen, which he had spent a fair amount of time in working under various aliases to gain intelligence here and there and a mix of other reasons including money needs.

He's worked just about every kind of job there is in the city, all over Tokyo.

Shifting between names and personalities. Never staying too long. Never being remembered after he left for too long. Saying goodbye to so many faces, knowing he'd never likely see them again, and if he did it may mean trouble if they remembered him as someone he no longer was.

In a city so big it still amazed him how many people there were and how easy it was to hide in plain sight.

Now the kitchen he was in…

Compared to the kitchen in his apartment… well his looked like a toothpick compared to a sword. It was so large and well equipped. The pantry was an actual pantry room, opposed to a cabinet with a broken handle hanging over the counter.

And the fridge... it was packed with food, just so much food. It made him think back to a produce street market. But with more organization.

Light was at a loss of what to eat.

All the food in the fridge had to be prepared in some way or eaten raw, and Light doubted he could remember any recipes, let alone be able to locate a knife or a bowl or a plate or even figure out how to work the stove. Was there even a microwave?

Best go for anything…

There was so much food, and he was so hungry.

He picked up a red apple and brought it to his face. It smelled fresh and sweet. He wanted to take a bite. His mouth was watering and he was shivering with anticipation. The apple was so smooth and glossy and red...

So red...

Light gasped and stumbled back, colliding with the island with his back. The apple dropped to the ground and rolled in a wobbly pattern.

Red like blood.

Light was a killer.

Ryuzaki was L.

His appetite disappeared.

He was still starving, but he felt sick to his stomach.

Frustrated, Light picked up a cabbage on the nearest shelf and threw it across the room with force, falling just short of the wall. He grabbed a carrot and did the same, this time hitting a square tile on the wall, but it just bounced off harmlessly, giving him no satisfaction.

He needed to throw something again.

A tomato was his next projectile, and it exploded slightly on impact against the wall and bounced several times on the floor, leaving a juicy blood trail in its wake. He threw another tomato, this time harder and angrier, so it burst, spitting juice and goo-covered seeds all over.

It was beautiful.

All the tomatoes followed until he ran out. Light went back to carrots, snapping a few in half as he went about throwing them for more ammo. The apple came from a bag and he knocked the bag to the floor to join the other. The apples escaped the back and rolled everywhere, bruising all over. He knocked over a flat of eggs to join them. The eggs all cracked and leaked, and without thinking he stomped on them to smash them further, getting yolk and egg whites splattered all around.

Green onions, daikon, salad greens, edamame, ginger. They all were torn from the fridge and thrown or dropped. Milk spilled, heavy cream sloshed, and yogurt splatted.

Shiitake mushrooms were thrown up in the air like confetti.

His actions were driven by a madness he couldn't control.

He did not stick to just the fridge. He ransacked the drawers and cabinets, the shelves and the pantry.

Pots, potatoes, rice and flour. Onions, pans, silverware, chocolate, and garlic. Cereal, plates, and dried pasta.

They were thrown, knocked, and kicked everywhere.

Finally the need to be destructive died and Light sank to the floor, taking in the mess he created around him.

Hi breathing was rapid and his hands shook.

He was at a loss to explain his actions.

Throwing the food did not make him feel any better or worse. Sure it quelled something within him, but he was still hungry yet too sick to eat. Still trapped. Still lost.

Just now the outside world matched a little more closely to the one inside...

It made no sense.

Wallingford found him not long after. He was probably alerted by the noise. There must have been a noise. Security cameras may have been a part in his appearance as well. He showed what Light could tell was genuine concern, but his body language was cautious, as Light knew would be expected in anyone who found a crazy person in kitchen recently destroyed.

He called L using a cellphone saying very little beyond 'kitchen' and 'now' as he approached slowly, as not to startle Light or anything, looking Light over for any obvious injuries. Light just sat on the floor, leaning against the counter like a porcelain doll, watch the old man with a glassy indifference.

He did not bother apologizing because he had no way to explain it.

L arrived eventually and looked over the mess, he approached Light in a very similar manner to the way the old man did, only this time Light moved slightly, turning his head away and mumbling something about being hungry.

Light probably should have felt shame or embarrassment or regret but he just felt empty.

He watched the way L and the old man exchanged looks from the corner of his eye. Their unspoken conversation one of years of knowing each other and predicting what was going through each other's heads as they worked together to solve the problem that was Light.

Because Light was a problem.

And he was hungry.

L closed his arms around Light and helped him stand up. He made as if to carry Light, but a mumbled threat with a declaration that Light could walk on his own lead to him just staying there to provide support.

Knowing he caused enough trouble for the day, Light started walking back to his room, putting much of his weight on L as he found himself to be suspiciously tired and sore, almost to the point where he considered letting himself be carried and done with it.

But that would let L win.

L guided him gently towards the room, as Light forgot which way he came from.

After what seemed like an eternity, which is very well could be, they managed to get to the room, Where L got him back in the bed to be tucked away for another day before he tried again.

Food or something came.

Ryuzaki wasn't real.

Light went to sleep

**Light is crazy.**

**I am crazy. **

**This is a hard chapter to write, the one that made you guys wait for so long because I was trying to write this chapter first. The dream chapter just came to me in, well, a dream.**

**But this image of Light… this mind set of Light… He is in my head. He has been in my head for as long as I have been writing this story. Crazy and disoriented. **

**I'm afraid crazy Light has bled into other characters of mine in stories in my head beyond this one.**

**Even now I'm not fully happy with this chapter, but it feels done. I hope you guys like it. **

**Please review! Those inflate my ego and make me feel guilty at the same time and encourage me to write.**

**And happy holidays! This time I promise to update before Christmas! But remember what I said about my promises.**

**Raising and dashing hopes is what I do.**

**I also apparently make people cry, which I am not fully sure is a good or a bad thing.**

**Did you hear about that circus fire? The heat was in tents.**


	25. Words of Love

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**A/N: Saddle in, darker than usual themes up ahead.**

**Words of Love**

Light sat on the edge of the bed and stared out the sliding glass door.

Or at least he looked like he was staring out it, but he was really watching L out of the corner of his eye.

Both people in the room knew he was, too, but neither acknowledged it.

L was messing around with a medical kit that has become a part of the decor of the room. Light sat shirtless waiting for L to get done with it.

Finally L stopped and looked at Light, who was very decidedly not looking at him, and moved to him, gauze and scissors in hand. He made a quick cut and then started unraveling the current gauze that bound Light's chest. He moved carefully and kept his face neutral and slowly did his work.

Light had taken something to help with the pain, but every now and then a subtle movement from L would cause some pain to flare up. It was a small pain, compared to what he got recently, but every flare made him wince, and every wince made L's neutral expression falter.

As the gauze was unwound, it revealed the ugly closed wounds and scars Light now bore. He didn't want to see it. So instead he looked outside and watched L, but L saw it and Light was sure that his lack of reaction to them only came from years of control. That, or L found it fascinating his toy was injured in some way so interestingly.

Light did not know what to think.

Once all the old gauze and whatever were removed, L cleaned the wound. As he did so Light's mind wandered.

Before he knew it the new bandages were wrapped around him and L finished the binding. His hands traced over Lights bandages, checking to see if they were tightly wound. They left shivers in their wake.

Their eyes met.

L looked as if he were about to say something…. but he turned away. Light redirected his attention to the view from the window.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

It is the middle of the night.

Light's eyes open slowly, weighed down by the haze of sheep. It took a moment, but slowly they adjusted, revealing the dark bed room in which Light rested.

There was no glow of the laptop, which meant L was not working late on his laptop. Light looked over and saw a rare sight. A sleeping L.

Seeing him this way looked… strange. Like a water drenched Koala. Or an active Panda. Or a grown man throwing vegetables at a wall because it looked at him funny.

No… that was not the reason was it?

Light lifted his hand and poked L's cheek, unable to stop himself from doing it before he did. L did not stir or waken. He just stayed still. Huh. He must be in a deep sleep. Light would never have thought Ryuzaki capable of such a deep sleep. He was always on guard. Naturally suspicious of the world, just like Light (but Light could not stop himself from sleeping deeply). Supposedly now it was because he was a man with a formidable reputation for justice, earning him many enemies. Maybe that... and the fact that he was just plain weird and constantly overdosing on sugar.

Everyone had their limits, Light supposed. L must have reached his. Not his ultimate limit, of course.

That must be a long way off.

But there were other limits, right? Limits L had not yet reached. How long until he reached the next?

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Light is funny.

Not Light but light.

Light (the person) liked watching the dust particles that floated around in the air in the light (the illuminator) beams.

He never really cared about them before but right now they were fascinating.

How can he even breathe with so many dust articles in the air?

He must be breathing them in. Dust was inside of him.

… Eww.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Words.

Words are how humans communicate to one another.

Words can be arguments, discussions, thoughts, debates, consolations, recommendations, commendations, and so more.

Words are tricky things.

Words.

There are words floating in the air, coming through a closed door. The words are somewhat muffled but clear to Light's trained ears, which strain to hear more.

He happened across them by chance, drawn to them by curiosity, and trapped by them by… well, Light did not know.

He hears a voice he knows, and voices he does not.

They are talking about him.

"How long are we going to be stuck here while you play babysitter to Captain Crazy?" A young man's voice complains.

"I agree with Mello in that I as well would like to know the duration of our stay in this location." Another young voice says, with an even and robotic-in-nature voice like Ryuzaki's.

No, like L's voice.

"Stop agreeing with me, you little freak."

"I am simply expressing my desire to know as well, and as your questions are often ignored it was logical I voice my want to know the answer as well, thus increasing the likely hood that…"

"Shut up! L, answer the question."

L was in there. Light already knew this. He had heard him say something earlier, but it was something along the lines of asking for a piece of cake to be handed to him. L was very much like Ryuzaki in this way.

So far the young man, named Mello (a weird name, but Light supposed his name was weird too, along with L's. Then again, L's was a codename, as was Watari, so it is reasonable to assume Mello's was as well), has been monopolizing the conversation, mainly talking to Matt, who gave distant answers. Light knew he was playing some sort of handheld game device with sound effects and music turned down low. He knew it was Matt, because he swore every now and then at the game, and no other voice indicated any interest in the game.

L had left Light alone again and Light had decided to go wandering again. He had done this several times now since the kitchen incident, yet he had not caused as much trouble as he did on that day. Okay… maybe just one or two accidentally knocked over vases here and there. (One of the vases he bumped drew out a crazy-looking red head. He wore goggles on his head and a vest over a black and white striped shirt, all which looked odd [but not as odd, Light supposed, as most people he saw on the streets of Tokyo at night]. He just took one look at the vase and swore under his breath. He barely looked at Light when Light was watching him, but Light felt his eyes on him as he fled the scene. Light back tracked a few moments later, out of curiosity, and sat the red-head sweeping up the broken vase pieces with a broom.)

He was sure the red head was one of the people in the room. He was either Matt or Mellow.

"I am uncertain." L responded. He sounded like he was not really paying attention as well, probably playing with his cake as he ate it. Ryuzaki always did that, and it annoyed the hell out of Light.

"I don't know why you are doing this, or why we have to be here." Mello complained.

"Light needs my assistance to recover after the trauma he suffered. You are here in Japan because your assistance was required to wrap up the case while I was preoccupied and as a test of your skills. Your continued presence here is so you can be supervised by Watari yet continue to practice operating outside the orphanage."

"Normally we would be situated in hotels, or at least in a city. Somewhere more realistic to where we will work. Not in some isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere Japan."

Mello sounded like he was the dramatic type. How dreadful. Light could not imagine having to deal with him on a daily basis.

"We do not even have any cases to work on. Not even case simulations. Just boring coursework given to us by our teachers that might as well be done back at the school." Continued Mellow.

"If you find your studies so boring, perhaps you have chosen the wrong profession." L retorted.

"Like we really have a choice." Matt grumbled.

"There is always a choice."

Matt sighed.

Light wondered what they were talking about, exactly. How were they related to L? What school? What the what? Fucking mysteries. It was yet again another way he and L were separated.

Good, right? Right.

Right.

"There is no reason you have to take care of him! He's crazy and needs professional help. Possibly somewhere like a mental hospital where he can learn to get really good at ping pong before being trapped on a mysterious island in the Pacific." Said Mello.

"Forrest Gump? No, Cast Away?" Matt asked.

"No, Lost." Mello answered.

"Oh, good show." Matt commented.

"Good? It was great! Though it was like they kept making things up as they went at times."

"I heard at least a few themes were always a long term plan. But weren't they in purgatory or something?"

"No, no, no! You have it all wrong. That was only for a bit in the last season…"

"I don't even… what?"

"It's hard to explain. Just watch it again or read a synopsis or something online."

"Mello, your pointless tangents are getting in the way of the answers we are trying to seek."

"Shut up Near." Ah. Little L's name was Near. Or it must be, but that was an odd name. Mello was an odd name too. So is L. But Light, no stupid, knew that none of these were real names, just code names. Wait… he already thought of that.

Real names are dangerous. Just look at what a killer did with his.

Light shivered.

"I am well informed on his situation, medically and mentally, and was personally involved with him before the ordeal which has brought him to his current state, so I am well suited to help him through his troubled period." L defended himself.

"How exactly were you involved with Lt. Fruit-Smash before 'the ordeal'?" asked Mello.

"Classified."

"Bullshit. He was your lover or something, wasn't he? That's why you baby him so much."

No, they were not lovers, that stupid teen. They were… well there were not lovers….

"Mello, if you continue to act so childish I may have to reconsider your readiness to compete at such levels…"

"I am right, aren't I? I knew it!"

"Mello, lay off." Matt advised.

"No, I won't! We are waiting around in the middle of nowhere, cleaning up after someone who should be committed. Do you know how long I spent scrubbing tomato shit off the walls? Did you ever consider that he may not stick to produce and vases forever? And how long till he starts harming himself or others? He was catatonic for days and now he's like a creepy nonverbal poltergeist! How long will it be until his next melt down?"

"I thank you and Matt and Near once again for cleaning up the mess so Watari did not have to, and I am certain it will not happen again."

"Do not avoid the real subject!"

"Light just needed to work off some steam."

"You are just making excuses! He's a burden on us all, and we are too important to deal with something like that!"

"You do not know what you are talking about." L sounded almost angry.

"Stop defending him L! You are blind to this whole situation because you are emotionally attached. Cut him loose and let it go."

"Mello, go to your room." L's sounded like an angry parent now.

"What the hell? You can't just send me to my room and make the problem go away!" Mello yelled.

"I am L, so yes I can."

"You can't just do anything you want! What about us, your successors! How can we devote our whole lives to be like you if you crumble apart trying save a lost cause? And what about Doctor Insanity? Is keeping him here really what's best? He sure as hell doesn't seem happy. I can't even stand…"

Mello's raised voice was loud and angry. Light, following instinct, knew that Mello was likely to storm out of that room soon (that are start a brawl) so he had abandon listening at the door and hide down the hall, or get caught.

He chose the way he knew was less likely to be the way Mello went because of his now basic understanding of the layout of the building.

He did not have to wait long before the dramatic exit took place.

"Just so you know, Light is a stupid name!" Mello slammed the door behind him and stormed off, the way Light had predicted.

_You are one to talk, bastard._

He only got a glimpse from his hiding place but it was enough to see the boy. Mello was not the red head (Matt must be the red head), but a long-haired, blond boy instead. He was skinny and tall, and his face was flushed. As he stormed down the hall he was opening up a chocolate bar he had pulled out of a pocket as he closed the door. Light could hear the foil of the wrapper. The boy couldn't have been older then fifteen, but was likely younger.

Light stayed in the shadows waiting. Someone else could leave, or everyone. He must wait it out until things likely calmed down.

He knew he should leave now. It would only be logical, if he wanted to avoid getting caught listening and then being forced to address the issues being discussed about him, as he knew L would try to do if he knew he was listening. But… he was dying to hear more.

The door opened again, and this time what looked like a child left the room. Not Matt. This must be Near. Still such a strange name. He looked similar to L in a way, yet not at all. Stark white hair, small in size, and walking with proper posture. Light did not even try to guess his age. Looks here were a deception.

The boy went the same way as Mello.

Light waited a bit longer before he dared to approach the door.

L and Matt were still talking.

"… is nothing to talk about."

"Mello is not just full of hot air. He voiced what we are all thinking about. We are just shoved here because you can think of what to do with us, and neither can Watari, because you are too busy spending time thinking of other things. It does not make sense."

"What does not make sense?"

"Why you are putting everything on halt for one man."

"I do not need to explain myself to you."

"I know that, but maybe you need to explain it to yourself."

"You are very perceptive. Objectively that is good, but I do not appreciate it in this circumstance."

"What are you going to do about Light?"

"I am trying to rehabilitate him."

"And how is that going?"

"His progress is not optimal…"

"I can tell. How does it make you feel?"

"I admit I am a bit frustrated…"

"Just frustrated?"

"Yes. And I see what you are trying to do. Stop it."

"If I were you I would not be just frustrated. I would be angry."

"I have no reason to be angry at Light."

_Yes you do._

"Maybe not angry at Light, angry at this whole fucking situation. Angry that there are things out there that I cannot control. Things that hurt the ones that I love. Angry that nothing works out. Angry that even when I am trying to fix things nothing seems to get any better."

"I already know that everything cannot be controlled…" L sounded patronized.

"But it changes when it is you. When it's your loved ones getting hurt. It becomes stronger, more painful, and more powerful."

The room fell silent.

"Light deserves better… You deserve better. If Light won't get better with you, maybe he will elsewhere. It is hurting you both."

Matt's words left an odd feeling inside him. It was if gravity increased. Light felt his shoulders sag and his heart drop.

He could imagine L being effected a similar he was. He imagined the black-haired, pale man curling up, with his feet brought up onto the couch, knees tucked under his chin, arms wrapped loosely around his legs.

"I just… I am lost when it comes to Light."

Words are dangerous.

They easily broke everything left that Light held on to.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

L's voice sounded… defeated. Never had Light heard this emotion coming from L, or even imagined he could be capable of being defeated. Even when he was Ryuzaki, not the never fallible great detective L, Light could sense it, during their odd time together.

And it was because him.

This was a disaster.

Light should never have listened.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

His mother's laugh mocked him as he ran silently away.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

L loved him.

Light now believed it.

Before L's words of love and all his reassurances, everything sounded fake. It was a game created entirely in Light's head. His mind was poisoned against him. And Light might have known that the entire time.

Or not.

Did he really know anything anymore?

L really did love him, and Light was causing him pain.

Right?

Who could stand being ignored or cold heartedly shot down every other day… or hour? Or half day…?

How much time has even passed?

Did anyone in his old fake life even notice he was missing? Surely employees and owners of the bookstore he worked at did when he did not show up for any of his scheduled shifts, or pick up any more like usual. But Light had always made it so no one would be too concerned if he disappeared suddenly one day for one reason or another. No strong attachments or relationships were a rule. He would drop bits of false information about his life that someone would draw conclusions from, like a grandmother in Kyoto who was aging and might have needed him to move there to care for her, or a family in America that missed him and might have cajoled him to immigrate over.

Everything was always so cool and calculated.

If he had died by Mikami's hand who would miss him?

Who would miss the real Light? Not Kira or Akino or the hot guy who works at the enter-name-of-place. Just Light. No one. Because there was no real Light. At least not one worth missing.

L thinks he loves Light.

No… L does love Light… he loves a Light… but not for much longer

He is going to let Light go and leave him just like everyone else

No… everyone else stays and he leaves.

Ryuzaki is L.

Light is no one.

Light is dead.

Most people believe it. Or they believed it. What the hell do they think now? He was dead. He is dead. He should be dead again.

He was a poison that hurt everything he touched. His mind was poisoned. It was turning against him.

And he should listen to it.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The world spun around him as he ran back to the bedroom. It was like he was running on the walls at times, and at others, on the ceiling.

When he finally burst through the door he closed it behind him and pushed the dresser in front of the door.

Alone. He need to be alone.

Light moved into the bathroom and slammed the door before he side to the floor and hide his face in his hands.

He needed to get it together. Everything was threatening to break free.

He could not breathe.

So he just stayed there trying harder than he ever has before to not think… but he couldn't. His brain would not stop spinning, whispering, laughing, taunting, screaming, crying….

_SHUT UP!_ He shouted to his mind. _STOP IT!_

He was not himself. He was someone else. No he was him. No. Someone else. He needed to see for himself.

The screaming. The fucking screaming. It needed to stop.

He stood up suddenly which caused him to get light headed.

He stumbled into the sink, catching himself just before he bashed his head into it. The force behind his crashed caused his arm the slipped and run painfully against the sink, leaving a stinging feeling on the back of his wrist.

Light looked at his arm and saw that it wasn't bleeding yet, but there was a line of puffy pink skin signaling that it wasn't far off.

It did not matter.

Light was shaking. He was always shaking, wasn't he?

When he looked in the mirror he stiffened up. It was not his reflection but his father's staring back at him, looking as out of place as Light in this weird house. He blinked and the man he once knew disappeared and was replaced with the sight Light hated the most.

Everything in his head was silent now. A cold silence that sucked in everything like a black hole.

A weak man looked back at him. He shared nothing with the man who fathered him. Nothing Light could see anymore. Anger flared up, as it had before. The mirror shattered and Light backed away startled. His hand, still in a fist, was bleeding but he couldn't feel it.

He heard noises from outside the room but he couldn't hear them.

He knew there was a saner choice but he couldn't see it.

There was always that option… he never really considered. He should be dead. It would be better if he were dead. All those times he should have died and lived. All those people who died because of him. Beyond that, all the innocent people who die for the stupidest reasons like car accidents, falling fucking coconuts, and by the hands of a careless or malicious person. Why did Light deserve to live on over them? He did not.

He could escape. He could accept defeat. He could stop his final rage against the world and accept the inevitable that the world would be better without him.

No one would really miss him.

L might… but he would grieve and move on. Become stronger. No longer be attached to some so weak and pathetic. He was a burden and he knew it. L would have a hard time admitting defeat. He was a lot like Light, but eventually he would give up and let Light go, one way or another. Light could just make it easier for him.

There was a way.

He could make it easier for himself.

L loves Light.

L loves Light.

Light loves L.

It was hopeless.

This would be easy. So easy.

He picked up a piece of broken glass in his hand and looked at it, seeing his eyes looking back.

His irises looked red.

Sounds from beyond the bathroom finally were heard by Light. Sounds he had been ignoring. The cries and commands of a man who did not know yet knew what was happening.

There was a crash coming from the other room. L must have noticed the blocked door and decided to break in. Light did not have much time.

It was time to stop fighting. It was time to end it.

It was his time to be free.

Another loud sound.

Quick he had to be quick. His hand closed around the piece of glass, causing the sharp edges to slice through his skin and cause his hand to bleed. It was the same hand he punched the mirror with.

When he drew it near his wrist his hand shook uncontrollably.

No. No. No.

Now!

This way he would not get a clean and fatal cut. He can't allow it to be salvageable. He needed to be free. He needed it to be over. He can't bring himself to do it again. He won't have the chance to do this again.

Now or never.

Now or never.

Now or never.

NOW OR NEVER!

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"LIGHT!"

BAANNNNNG!

CRASH!

"LIGHT!"

SLAM!

SLAP!

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

L slapped the mirror piece out of Light's hand. He locked Light into a wrestling hold and dragged him out of the bathroom, away from the broken mirror and the drops of blood on the floor. He threw Light on the floor and grabbed his arms, one at time to see the damage. When he was done he pushed himself away from Light and copied the position Light had been in not too long ago. Head in hands. Shaking body. Emotions bottled up in him so tight they could not help but escape.

Light lay where he was dropped.

The mirror shard did not find its target.

He froze up the minute he heard L call out his name.

He failed.

Now he was lost.

**End of Chapter**

**Important Author's note:**

**HANG ON! YOU MATTER! PEOPLE CARE!**

**If anyone is a bad place, please know suicide is never the answer.**

**If you are feeling suicidal or need someone to talk to please call the suicide hotline, which you can find if you google or search it on any search engine! I would post the link or a number, but that is allowed. There is help out there! Someone will listen, no matter the problem. Thank you for reading this.**

**To my readers, hold on for the next few chapters. As you can tell, we are getting somewhere, so don't lose hope!**

**Thank you for reading and remember, you matter.**

**Everything matters.**

**Except energy.**

**Sorry.**


	26. Something Something Love

**FINALLY! A new chapter! This chapter took sooooo long because I wrote what is written here LITERALLY a hundred times (give or take ten revisions, really) and it never felt right until just now! It had to be perfect (to me!). This story is very important to me, so I apologize profusely for the stupid ass long delay. **

**But here it is and here you go! I'm posting it right away because it just feels RIGHT**

**This is NOT the last chapter, so don't fret.**

**If there are any spelling errors or etc don't fear to tell me. Just leave a review! And leave a review if you don't find any. Or whatever.**

**Once again SO sorry for the long wait. **

**Now read!**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

**Something Something Love**

L was silent as he bandaged Light's hands.

He did not look up once.

In fact, he did not look at Light at all until he had found the medical kit. And even then, after opening it up, he only looked at Light's hands.

Silence.

This silence was something new. Usually Light was the cause of all silences stretched between them, but this one was different. It seemed colder… crueler. Almost stifling.

L was changed. It was all Light's fault.

His fault.

When he finished he painfully slowly put his work away and stand standing at the far end of the room with his back facing Light.

He was standing up straight. That in itself was significant. His arms were at his sides, hanging loosely, but his hands were curled up in fists. They seemed to tighten and lax with the ins and outs of his breath.

Light watched from his position, sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. He did not find the will to move anywhere else, and in a way the wall gave him a sense of security.

Light was stuck in a trance watching him. A small part of him was urging him to run and hide. Avoid this. Avoid it all. He was not ready. This was not the right time. It was never the right time. Flee. What happened next was not necessarily inevitable.

But it was.

There was nowhere left to run.

L had him trapped.

No… Light trapped himself.

Panic.

What was he going to do?

L's fist tightened once more and the dark-haired man turned around and glared. A wave of fear raced through Light's heart and he drew into himself, as if the shield himself from L's eyes.

Light wanted to disappear.

L seemed to growl and he almost ran across the room and seemed to leap at Light, kneeling to get down on his lowly level. He forcefully ripped Light's arms away from their protective bearing and pinned one wrist to the wall, holding the other in an iron grip, forcing Light to face L. Even kneeling, L somehow towered over Light, looking down on him like a dark angel.

"What the hell were you thinking?" His voice was low, in both volume and tone.

Light stayed silent, still wishing, but L's grip only tightened on his wrist; now it was almost painful.

"Light." He growled the name. "What the HELL were you thinking?"

Stubborn silence.

It was the only defense he had left.

Light tried to swallow but his throat was dry. L was terrifying right now. Every word he said sounded like L was struggling to hold back a great rage and contain a great pain.

Light was hurting him. He was hurting himself.

And yet Light still stayed silent.

"I just want to know why. No more excuses. No more denials. I do not want to play the game we play, I just want you to talk."

L's voice rose.

"Did you hear me? You cannot stay silent forever! You cannot keep shutting me out! You cannot shut out everyone for the rest of your life! Speak, god dammit, and tell me why you tried to kill yourself! I thought better of you. I foolishly thought you were strong enough to at least not be this fucking stupid. What the fuck were you doing?"

Light ashamed of himself. He wanted to turn away but fear of L would do if he did froze him in place.

"This is not going to go away. You cannot ignore me. You cannot pretend that this is not happening. Do you want to die? Are you ready to give up so easily? Take the coward's way out? Do you think I would just let you die and be done with it?"

"I don't know…" Light let out, finally, in a quiet voice, barely more than a whisper.

"What do you not know?" L demanded. He was looking straight into Light's eyes, and Light could not help but stare right back into his. Those dark, black, yet not completely black eyes were memorizing. They made Light's heart feel sick and heavy with how much he loved them. Everything that was L was inside them, and he knew that when they looked into his, he could see everything that made Light who he was, even if he did not understand it.

L must be searching his eyes for the answers Light had always refused to give him.

"Speak, Light. Please."

_You don't want this. You don't want me. You don't know._

"I don't know!" Light screamed.

Light kicked L away, catching him off guard and freeing himself from the other man's grasp. He then rolled away to put as much distance between him and L as possible. After two tumbles he tried to stand up, ready to run or fight or whatever was necessary. _Necessary for what?_

As soon as he tried, though, his legs started to buckle underneath him and his head spun. He probably would have crashed to the ground anyways, but before he could L grabbed his shirt and pulled him up so they were once again face to face.

The moment did not last long, as L's expression was dark and before Light could think to act, L pushed Light back and, with a sweep of his legs, force Light to lose his footing.

Light did not go down easily, as his years of fighting kicked in and he automatically kicked his leg forward, tanging it with L's legs, then hooked a leg around one of L's, jerking it forward so L fell with him.

They collapsed together, but Light had managed to twist them so that as they crashed, he was on top. The action was careless, thoughtless. It aggravated his mid-section.

L responded fast, kicking Light off him. The force knocked Light to his feet and made him stumbled backwards. L quickly got to his feet and gracefully mirrored Light's movement.

It was as if they were attached by a chain.

If L wanted him to stop being silent, he was about to get his wish.

"Why can't you just give up on me?" Light cried out.

Misguided rage coursed through him and he lashed out.

L caught his fist and directed it away in one smooth motion. Light withdrew it and stood, fist up and ready to strike. L was like a catcher, ready to catch and redirect every hit thrown his way.

"Why can't you let me go?"

Another punch. Another deflection.

"Why can't people just leave me alone and forget about me! Let me die! Let me stay dead! Looking at me! Saying my name! Just stop it! Stop it all! It's all more then I deserve!"

Light yelled, throw another punch. This time it wasn't even aimed directly at L. Just a punch thrown blindly into the air.

"Is that what you want to know? What you want me to finally say so you can admit it? That I don't deserve this? Your love. Your kindness. Your pity. It is all wasted! Wasted on me! I am dead already! Why can't you see it?"

"You are not dead, Light." L spoke.

"But it would be easier wouldn't it? For you?" His voice was angry and raw. He was closing in on himself.

"What do you mean?" L's voice was quiet.

"If I were dead it would be easier. You would no longer have to love me and take care of me. I would no longer be a burden."

"Light..." L said his name with such softness…. "Where is this coming from?"

"It is true. You want me dead. I am a burden on you and if I died all you would have to do is bury me and get over it."

"That is not what I want." L sounded pained.

"Of course not. You are too great of a man to wish for someone else's death. You are everything I do not deserve. You would never admit you wanted it. The thought would never even cross your mind to think you wanted such a thing… But if I did your life would be so much easier."

Light was shaking. He felt feelings he had been holding down for so long bubbling up and he knew he could not let them out, nor could he hold them back. He was like the cork stuck in the neck of a champagne bottle about to burst.

Light broke, and started shouting. "It's what I know! I know you can't deal with me anymore! Let me die! Let me kill myself! Send me away! Let me go!"

"I do not want to send you away! But if you are determined to kill yourself what can I do? Stand here and watch you die? Let you get consumed by your own demons? I have been trying so hard, Light, and I do not know how to get to you. How can I help you? You need to let me in so I can!"

"Why?" Light hiccupped. "So you can finally have the answers to all your questions? Solve any mysteries you have left about me? Try and figure out why and how I did everything I did, and how I feel about it? All so you can know it and be satisfied!"

"I do not want to know those things because I want to! You are not some mystery I have to solve."

Light threw himself at L but was easily caught and turned around, now wrapped in a bear hug against his will. He was weak. The surge of energy from fight and flight evaporated. L's grip around him tightened and he eased both of them to the ground. Light's back rested against L's chest. It was perfectly curved to enclose him and made Light feel sinfully comfortable.

"I am trying to help you." L spoke softly into his ear.

Light hung his head in his hands. "Why? Why do you want to help me?"

L sighed. "Because I need you, Light."

"You do not need me. You do not even know who I am. You were you the whole time. I see it now. You have not changed. The way I acted… That is not who I am. That was just some persona I became when I was around you. One of many I adopt. I can be a thousand different people. I do not even know who I am anymore."

Silently, L listened.

"The real me died, years ago. He is lost."

"Whose fault is that?" L asked. "Yours. And that's exactly how you want it to be. Lost. Forgotten."

"It is…"

L words because harsh. "You never died Light. Your parents may have died that day, but you did not. You survived. But you lost yourself. You never let yourself live. I do not know what happened to you, but every time you did open up, it must have come back to bite you. You gave up entirely. You have successfully trapped yourself, blocking your very self away from the rest of the world so you can be alone. This way no one can hurt you, right? And no one can get hurt back. No one can get close."

With one arm still firmly wrapped around Light, holding him close, L's free hand ghosted over Light's shirt, which had fallen open revealing the bandages, patchily stained red.

L continued. "You think life is easier this way? I was like that once, and I learned the hard way that no one can survive like that forever. It is destroying you, and if you do not fight it, you will be truly lost, and I cannot allow that to happen. I love you."

"And if I don't love you?" Light whispered.

L moved his free hand caressed his cheek as L placed his forehead against the top of Light's head.

"I will never abandon you." He promised.

"Love is destructive. Love is poison. Everything I love is ruined. I can't have that happen. Not to you. If I lose you…"

"Oh Light…"

"I love you. Of course I love you! I love you and it is killing me." Light's eye began to sting and he curled up, shaking violently.

"I loved you quite possibly from the moment I first saw you on the bridge, but I did not know it then. The more we met, the closer we got, the more I discovered how much I loved you, but I did not know it until I almost lost you. You are the first person I have ever loved in such a way, and it killed me to realize it. When I learned that you were the target… that your life was on the line… I was almost lost. And if you had died… I might be very close to the way you are now.""

L's grip on Light tightened to where it was almost painful, but that was what loving L was like. It was pain and it was wonderful. It was wrong yet it made Light feel alive. He deserved to be abandoned, but against all logic L and his love for Light held on tight and fought for him.

"I don't understand why you love me. I'm a monster. "

"No, you are not. I am L. I know evil from good, Light. You are not evil. You are all that was innocent and pure in this world and the evil of others has brought you down from grace to where you are now."

"It's my fault." Light whispered.

"No." he responded.

"It's my fault!" Light cried out. "It's my fault! My fault! It is all my fault! I killed them!"

This was it. L pushed. Light was trapped. By him and by himself. L wanted the truth? He would see. He would finally see and he will become disgusted. He will let go of his hold on Light and finally let him die. Give up. His love would die when he saw the truth and it hurt Light more than any knife.

Tears poured out now. Tears of years and years of suffering. The tears he shed for his father, and the ones he never managed for Shiori, when he thought his tears long dried up with the person he once was and could have become.

"My mother killed my father because of me. It was all my fault. She was jealous… I stole all the attention. Demanded it. I just wanted my father to be proud of me. She couldn't take it anymore. She killed him one day in the kitchen when she could take it no longer."

Light turned to face L, burying his face into the man's shirt, clenching tightly and he cried and shook and let everything he has been holding back go.

"I was there. I saw the whole thing. My father may have lived if I had done something. Anything. But I just stood there like an idiot and let him bleed. I could have ran for help. Called the police. Convinced my father to give up on my mother and leave with me. If I had tried to stop her… take the knife from her hand…"

"She could have killed you."

"It would have been better if she did! Instead, with her last spiteful breath she laughed and cursed me. Told me it was all my fault and left me to live on alone with the burden of that knowledge. Without a family or a place to belong to and have everything I ever known taken from me.

"And if she had killed me, then Shiori would never have died. She would never have been out that late with me and ended up on that fucking bus… She died. All my fault. I ran, like a coward, because I was guilty and unwanted and feared what would happen next.

"I abandoned my friend when he needed me most and it drove him insane. If I had been there… But then he… he killed all those people, L. Killed them in cold blood. Just so they would spell out my name in a fucking twisted game, drowning it in so much blood, I'll never been clean. It's all my fault. It's all my fault and I'm drowning in the blood and all I can hear is laughter. Her laughter. And I… I just can't take it anymore. So I tried to kill myself! So I could run away again an escape this punishment I deserve!

"It's my fault and I'm drowning in their blood because I deserved to be soaked and you can't love me because it ruins it all! It makes no sense and makes me feel so happy and that is wrong because it's all my fault and I'm dragging you down with me!"

He was sobbing now. Each sob racked through him. His voice was hoarse and his eyes blind to the world, blurred with tears that streamed down his face, staining L's shirt. He waited. Waited for L to push him back, to blame him like the rest and once, and gloriously for all, walk away, but since when did L ever do what Light expected?

He pushed Light up so their faces were level and crashed his lips to Light in a passionate kiss that Light could no longer fight. When they broke away Light crumble back into L's embrace, resting his head on L's shoulder and the man he fought so hard against pulled him closer than ever.

"It is not your fault." L said, and repeated, as Light sobbed and clutched onto him for dear life.

"You are not to blame for the evil in others. You never killed anyone. Your father died because of your mother's actions and your mother's actions alone. There was nothing you could have done to change that, and nothing you can do now. Shiori was unlucky, and died because another man was desperate enough to throw away his life hijack a bus, and selfish enough to hide behind his gun when threatened. And Mikami was a fool. He latched onto you for whatever reason and made you his own god, which was selfish of him. No one should ever be held up to those standards or have to deal with those who act foolishly in their name. Mikami killed those people not because it was your fault but because he was sick and mentally unwell. He lost his sense of morality and chose the evil way. Something you never have. It doesn't make you a monster to feel guilty for their deaths. It makes you human. It makes you just like me. I have lost others before under my command and I felt responsible, but it was not I who made the enemy evil. It is a path one must choose. One you never picked. Just one you thought you fell down, when in reality you were far from it. You are a good man, Light. An innocent man. You are your father's son, and I love you."

L soothed Light by stroking his back. His scent, his touch, his everything, was Light's, and he cried for Light. But his tears were strong and silent, and his voice full of conviction. Eventually Light's despair calmed and he was left, heavy and weak, hanging limply over L like a ragdoll. Tears still streamed from his eyes down his cheeks.

L pushed Light up once again so that they were face to face once again. Both men stared into each other's eyes, both somehow knowing that no one has ever seen the other like this before. They were both truly open, truly themselves for the other, with no layer in between no masks, no words, no guilt or holding back of any kind.

Light was L's and L was Lights. Both at each other's mercy, which was just crazy on L's behalf and Light was just, well, crazy.

"And now, Light, it is time for you to decide. Within every man there is the part of you that is evil and the part of you that is good. The part that runs and the part that stays. The part that hates and the part that loves. Which part of yourself are you going to let win?"

Light closed his eyes for a moment and thought. When he opened them again they were bright. Brighter than they have ever been before, shinning with a brilliance, a shimmer, a bright… light.

"I love you." He told L.

L smiled, satisfied with the answer. "I love you, too."


	27. For the Love of

**Hey look! Another Chapter! And so soon!**

**Wow, this Ligerlilly, she must be a real stand up author.**

**She's probably pretty, too. And has a great personality.**

**I don't want to hurt her at all with pitchforks and torches. Nope. Not at all.**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

**For the Love of…**

It was amazing, really.

That after all the mess and confusion, Light still had Shiori's rice ball cell phone charm.

A reminder of not just one lost friend, but two.

Mikami was still alive. Somewhere. He went on trial for his murders, and would have been sentenced to a lifetime in prison for each of the innocents he had killed, but prison was not the right place for him. He had been deemed criminally insane and banished to a psychiatric facility to live the rest of his life under evaluation from trained professionals. Where this facility was, exactly, L never said, but Light assumed he could probably hack into government files eventually and figure it out, if he really wanted to, which he did not.

It was a place, L said, where Mikami would get the help he needed.

He would be locked behind four walls in a room where he could no longer hurt himself or others. And most importantly, for L, never hurt Light again.

But he would never be gone from Light's mind.

He had been, after all, one of Light's closest friends. One of the only people that he had, at one time, trusted with the dark secret of his past. A trust that had been betrayed.

Many factors must have played into Mikami's eventual fall into madness, and for the first time Light could admit that it had not been solely his fault. Maybe he was a factor… but he never put the knife in Mikami's hand. Neither had he put the knife in his mother's hand.

He mourned both friends now.

Time had gone by. It has been almost a week since he had been broken out of his self-imposed prison and saved by L.

They had been almost inseparable for the three days following that (mostly because Light had become incredibly clingy). Although L finally broke his walls, Light was still a mess.

He was mentally unsound at the moment and a few words of love would not patch it up. But they helped.

Eventually, with time and effort, he could heal.

It still hurt. To be away from L. It hurt even now. But with each separation the pain became more bearable, and Light accepted the fact that soon he would be used to it. Not uncaring that L was gone, but knowing they could not always be together.

He would not burden L as much as possible.

As soon as he can, he will start building himself up. Returning himself to his former glory and beyond.

L was the world's greatest detective. He worked with the world's finest and solves the world's hardest mysteries. So Light would become the world's best whatever to stay at L's side. Help him and support him. Whatever was necessary. He has not told L this yet, but he was planning to.

He was planning a whole life with L. Not just a today and tomorrow. Light would stay by L's side until one of them died, which he would not allow to happen anytime soon. Not until they have lived years and years together and grew to a ripe old age.

But first he had to let his old friends go.

He had to let Shiori go.

In peace.

….

He was under a sakura tree, digging a hole in the ground underneath its barren branches with his hands. He did not think to grab a shovel ahead of time and would not have known where to look if he had.

The tree was within sight of the window from his room in the mansion. He had stared at it for hours once. When spring came the tree would surely burst in full blossom. The petals would be delicate and pink and full of life until they rained down and coated the ground below and green leaves of growth and warmth and life would take their place. Then the leaves would change color to reflect the spirit and soul of autumn and eventually fall off the way of the blossom. Then the cycle would start all over again.

Life, death, and rebirth.

When the hole was deep enough to his satisfaction he carefully remove the charm from his pocket and placed in carefully in the hole.

It struck him how silly this must all look to an outsider.

Yet it made him very sad.

This would be the last time he saw the charm.

He could keep it. It did not really make sense to get rid of it in such a manner. He could keep it. Treasure it. The only thing he had held on to, once, as a reminder of a life he left behind.

The charms had served not just as a reminder of the good of that life, but the guilt of it as well. And he promised L he would choose to fight.

He stared at it for a bit, waiting. He felt she was near but when he looked around she was nowhere to be seen. He listened. The forest around him rustled when wind blew the leaves. Birds chirped off in the distance. The sound of his own breath steadily going in and out. He was alone.

_She should be here_, he thought. It would be wrong that if, after all this time, she did not come. She had been there for him… all this time. He was losing his mind and she had been there. She should now be here to say goodbye.

Light never got to say goodbye.

L would not be happy he was wanting to see the ghosts of dead people.

"Goodbye," he whispered to the charms.

They did not respond.

They never would.

Light sighed.

Shiori hadn't really been there. Not since she died.

It has been years.

All his conversations with her since then had been unreal. Just him talking to the shadow of her memory in his mind.

All this time Light had been alone and he had clung to her for comfort. It was unfair to her. Unfair to hold his own guilt over her death and trap and taint her memory.

He was going to miss her.

He had to let her go.

He started to bury the charms, scooping all the dirt he had unearthed back into the hole until it was filled and packed down. He placed a large rock on top, to act as a marker, should he ever come back. But he never would come looking for her again.

He felt lighter.

He made a promise over the stone that, in the future, he would never not get to say goodbye to anyone again.

When he finished making peace and walked back to the mansion, he saw L waiting for him. He leaned casually on the frame of the sliding glass door, arms crossed, watching Light with that stupid unreadable expression.

Light tried to mimic it as he walked closer, but L's eyes narrowed and he knew he was failing. He straightened up as Light approached and let his arms fall to his sides.

Light went up to him and wrapped his own arms around L and pressed his forehead against L's. The raven-headed bastard put a hand on Light's cheek and tilted it so their lips could meet.

…

"What am I going to do?" Light said as L sat down on the bed they shared. He was wearing a fresh pair of his usual outfit, white shirt and jeans, with a towel wrapped around his neck and his black hair dripping wet.

Light had showered first, after insisting he do it on his own. He got a chance to observe his current state in the newly installed mirror (which L mentioned that if Light broke this one too he was going to dye Light's hair blue and shave it down the middle in a reverse Mohawk). He had more color in his skin, a sign of his health returning. He was still weak from his injuries and extend time of bed rest, but the injuries themselves have started healing. He would have scars, though, that he would carry with him for the rest of his life. At least he no longer looked into the mirror and saw someone he hated staring back.

"What do you want to do?" L asked.

"I want to follow you wherever you go."

"That is something a stalker might say, Light." L jabbed. Light smiled, glad that they had finally gotten to a place where they could comfortably mock each other once again.

"You found me out. But I can't stalk you all the time. It would get very boring watching you tinker with computers for hours on end. My binocular hand would get tired."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I want to help you solve crimes."

L stared at him. "Is that what you really want?"

"It was what I was doing before I met you. You know I am smart. You know I am good at it. I know you have looked up everything you can about Kira. And since you are stuck with me, your own fault by the way, I want work with you."

"It's dangerous." L warned.

"Are you serious?" Light laughed, knowing L knew how dangerously he had lived before.

"I am very serious." L answered, seriously. "I don't want to put you in danger."

"I'm following you everywhere. If you are in danger I am already going to be as well. Purely by proximity. This way I can help protect you. I won't let anyone get near you." Light moved closer to L, lifting a hand to play with the older man's wet hair.

"You could join the program with Near, Matt, and Mello."

They had talked before about the three boys. How they were the top students from a secret orphanage L had grown up in. He had been the first child who his adoptive father, Watari aka Wallingford aka Whammy, took in. He recognized L's intellect and taught him how to fully utilize it. He had been trained to solve crimes and had rose to the level of World's best detective at a young age. Watari had realized the benefits L had on the world, so he created the orphanage and a program to take all the intelligent children from orphanages around the world and bring them somewhere where their talents would not go to waste. The brightest and most determined would follow the path of L, while the rest would be given everything they needed to flourish in the world.

Mello, Matt, and Near were the top of the program, there for the most likely to replace L in the event that the worst happened and he was killed in action. They would assume his name and continue on solving mysteries and saving lives.

Something Light had yet to tell L was that he now recognized Watari as the old man who had come and visited him once as a child. He had almost been one of those children fighting for the title of successor to the man he now loved.

"I don't want to train to be one of your replacements." Light took his hand away and frowned at L. "I don't want to think about life after you die. I want to think about keeping you alive."

"You want to be my personal security?" L probed.

"Yes. And your personal ego-checker and ass-kicker when you are being difficult and dietician to make you stop eating all of those damn desserts all the time." Light scooted closer to L and rested his arms on L's shoulders.

"So you are after Watari's job?"

"Something like that." Light mumbled. "Will you let me?"

"I think something of sorts can be arranged.

**End of Chapter!**

**My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.**


End file.
